For all other Entourage Info
Season 1 - The Pilot | The Review | Talk Show | Date Night | The Script and the Sherpa | Busey and the Beast | The Scene | New York Season 2 - The Boys are Back in Town | My Maserati Does 185 | Aquamansion | An Offer Refused | Neighbors | Chinatown | The Sundance Kids | Oh, Mandy | I Love You Too | The Bat Mitzvah | Blue Balls Lagoon | Good Morning Saigon | Exodus | The Abyss
Season 3 - Aquamom | One Day in the Valley | Dominated | Guys and Doll | Crash and Burn | Three's Company | Strange Days | The Release | Vegas Baby, Vegas! | I Wanna Be Sedated | What About Bob? | Sorry Ari
01 - The Pilot. Intro - the four guys are driving around
their NYC Cadillac down sunset Strip in LA and the actors names are on signs
they pass by.
Turtle pulls up in Vince's yellow Hummer II, pulls out a 'Head On' one sheet poster from the trunk and goes into a restaurant. He says hi to women on the way in and tells Vince he needs to sign one to keep a shoe contract. Turtle drops his keys to get the attention of two women walking by just to blow them off about the premiere. Johnny, Vince's brother, jokes that his eye color on the poster is wrong, even though it is black and white. Turtle says he heard Warren Beatty once sent back 300,000 "Heaven Can Wait" posters because his package didn't look big enough. Eric has broken up with Kristen and they razz him that she was a bitch until he admits it. That night is the premiere of Vince's film.
They pull up in a limo and Vince gets out first and signs autographs and gets his pictures taken. He then stops to get some shots with his brother and photographers don't know who he is. At the after party Vince wonders how it went. He takes more pictures. Eric tells him to see the guy who paid for the film. Ari, Vince's agent, comes over to Eric and tells him he wants to read the script for Matterhorn, Eric says to talk to Vince. Ari tells him to take care of it. Turtle tries to fix Eric up with a girl who'll give him head that looks like his ex. Eric is pissed that he thinks he would want to get revenge with someone just because she looks like his ex. Suddenly Ali shows up pissed looking for Vince and they blow her off.
After the formal party they have a night swimming party with beautiful young women at the house the guys share. A woman hits on Eric, she kisses him and he can't handle it. Johnny is on a float in the pool with a girl. Turtle is in the pool with a girl who wants Vince, but he convinces her to make out with him since everyone else is gone.
The next day Eric arrives with the script and says he didn't like it so Vince says he doesn't need to read it. Eric wants him to read it though, he says he doesn't need to - he likes what Eric likes. He liked Head On and that worked out. Vince has a meeting with the Matterhorn director he wants to get out of now, but has to go. He thought he'd like the script, but it's too late to back out now. On the way to the lot they talk about buttering up the director. Eric comments on a picture Turtle shows and they say it is house business, since Eric moved into the guest house he doesn't count. On the way in they spot Mark Wahlberg who says he hooked up Turtle and wants payment.
After the meeting Vince says he didn't understand the director. They think it was all crap, he didn't read the script, the director didn't watch Vince's films - so it won't work. Ari then calls him and says the Frog director loved him, wants him for the film and will pay - $4 million for him. Now Vince thinks he might have to take it. Turtle says he should take the film. The guys are on the roof hitting golf balls at famous people's houses - Ed Begley & Pierce Bronson. Vince comes out after trying to read the script, but doesn't get it. They tell him to keep trying. Vince isn't sure he wants to play a cop. Ari calls him and asks if he read it. Eric says to wait, they'll pay him - $4 million for a roll he loves. Vince tells Ari that and makes him talk to Eric. Ari sets up a meeting with Eric that night to talk about it. Right after they have a dog delivered to the house and it is big and viscous. Vince says if Turtle wants to go to the Playboy Mansion party he has to test the dog out. So he dresses up in a Rangers hockey uniform and lets the dog attack him.
Later at dinner Ari says he's banging a swimsuit model instead of his wife. Ari says what's not to like about the script, it's Die Hard at Disneyland. Eric says it's not a great script, Ari says they can fix it. Ari asks how long he's been out there and Eric says only 14 months. He used to run a pizza place on the east coast. Ari says he's been doing this for 15 years, if he needs pizza advice he'll talk to him. He doesn't talk to people like Eric, he understands he doesn't want Vince to make a bomb, but passing on a hit can kill your career. Eric says if he ever talks to him like that again he'll slap the grin off his face.
Turtle and Johnny come back and Eric is asleep on the couch. They are supposed to go right to Vegas, but Eric doesn't want to go. Turtle tells him his ex is having sex with Vince Vaughan and she is there. He flips out, but eventually figures out they are lying. Vince says Ari told him he threatened to beat him up and asks how could he do that. Eric says he's a dick, fire him. Vince goes to call him up and Eric can't believe it. Vince tells him Eric he wants him to pick the scripts, he's just the actor. Eric says not to do the film, Vince says he won't do it, he needs a break. Eric says he hasn't worked in three months as it is. Eric doesn't want to go to Vegas, so Vince says he won't go either. They also have a high school reunion come up. Eric prefers Vince not to go or else all the women will be all over him and is worried his high school love will fall for Vince. Vince says if she gets in his no fly zone she's his.
As they are leaving the next day Eric yells at Turtle for not getting four headphones for the flight. Turtle says he never said that. Eric says Vince wants to listen to music and to go get them. Turtle drives off all pissed. It was all a joke to get Turtle to drive off with an 'I love Cock' bumper sticker. They all laugh and Ari calls. Vince tells Eric to talk to him. He just wants to say Colin Farrell took the Matterhorn role. Eric repeats it and Vince says he hopes he knows what he's doing.
02 - The Review. Turtle pulls up to the house with the dog.
Johnny is rehearsing the Vagina Monologues in the kitchen and Eric wonders what
is wrong with him. He says it's reverse gender acting for his class. Vince
decides that he's going to take the roll because of a dream. Johnny had a dream
too, but it was no help. Turtle brings in the trade papers and Eric reads the
review of Head On that says Vince is guilty of fraud, a pretty boy and was
awful. Vince says at least they said he was pretty and he doesn't care.
Vince and the guys go to Ari's office and meet his new assistant Emily. Her dad grew up in Flushing, so she's glad to meet guys from Queens. They all order drinks and Johnny orders something weird so they won't forget him. Vince tries to hook Emily up with Eric. Ari takes Vince and Eric in and shows them a video of his kid on the computer. Eric asks Ari if they should worry about the bad review. Ari says no, it's Variety, not a real paper. After Vince leaves Eric admits he is playing manager for - $4,000 a month. Ari says Vince needs a real manager. He had a new job for him, Matterhorn, but he turned it down. Emily comes in with a box and Eric jumps up to help her. Vince leaves and Ari yells at Eric for bringing up the bad review. It does matter, you just don't bring it up, it's bad news. That's why you don't turn down the next job before the reviews come in on your last one. Eric leaves with the box of scripts.
They go to look for a car and the owner of the dealership says his daughter is a huge fan of Vince's. They look at a Rolls Royce Phantom costing - $320,000 and is driven by many celebrities Jay-Z, Queen Latifah and more. Vince decides to buy it when Eric tells him to. They drive it out and smoke pot inside, smoking it up - to get the new car scent out of it. Girls pulls up next to them and the guys hit on them and tell them to follow them back to their place. They do and have a pool party. Marvin, the business manager calls, the phone is floating in the pool. Vince tells Eric to take care of it. Marvin is pissed off because Vince bought the car. Johnny spends - $2500 on vitamins, Turtle spends - $1500 on cell phone bills. He tells Eric he needs to stop all the spending.
Turtle wants to move to Malibu. They eat at an outdoor cafe and Johnny says for Turtle to stay out of his bathroom and keep his whack off mags out of there with his - $40 lotion. Vince is looking at a - $10 million dollar house. Eric can't believe they are doing that. Vince says they need to move up. Jessica Alba then comes to the table. She says she is having a go away party for Justine Chapeman, the virgin singer and invites them. She says she's saving herself until at least the next album. Turtle says it would be great press if Vince bangs the pop star. Then they talk about the first time they scored. They goof on Turtle for trying to get a hooker with a credit card. Vince says he doesn't remember who his first was. Eric says he's lying and must be hiding something. Turtle says he remembers her.
Jessica takes Vince over to meet Justine then Ari arrives and kisses Jessica's butt. He says he can do better for her. She can't believe he's doing this at her house, but he is relentless. Drama's partner from the class, David Faustino, spots him and busts him for not showing up. Ari blasts Eric for telling Marvin he said it was OK to buy the Rolls. Eric denies it. Ari says he has ears everywhere and if he talks about him again he'll kill him. Justine tells Vince she isn't saving herself for marriage, just for the right guy. He says he doesn't want to be anyone's first or last. She says that's too bad. Meanwhile Turtle's trying to use the Rolls to hook up. Vince goes up to Eric and admits his first sex was Eric's cousin Cheryl and he had sex with his cousin Debbie too. Eric says maybe Vince should get a real manager. Vince says no way, he trusts him. He's the reason he moved out to LA in the first place. He told him in high school to give up basketball and try the play. He asks if he ever imagined they would be here. Johnny says Turtle is screwing in the car, so Vince says to get rid of the car. Eric says it's a three year lease, but Vince says he'll have to figure it out. The next day Ari calls, the New York Times says Vince is the next Johnny Depp. Vince says cool and wants to go look at houses.
03 - Talk Show. The guys are at a boxing match. Evander Hollyfield and
Lennox Lewis are in the crowd at the Staples Center. Turtle says Vince should
get that job - $3 million in a night. Vince says he doesn't want his face bashed
in. Turtle says he'd take - $50,000 to get pounded. They push Turtle into a chick
and she gets pissed until she sees Vince and goes with him into a bar. Ari is
there and they run into Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy says he wants him on his show
tomorrow. Vince agrees to do it to promote the movie. Kimmel says to say high to
Drama. Luke Wilson tells Turtle and Drama that he had a massive home theatre
system put in by Rufus for cost. They are very interested.
Eric says Vince should prepare for Kimmel. Vince says he's going to wing it and asks the woman he's with for some stories. She says the night is young. When Drama hears Vince is going to be on Kimmel he gets pissed off. He says he used to be friends with Kimmel and he's a prick, he dumped him real fast when his career got cool and never talked to him again. Vince asks what Eric's problem is, must be Kristen. Vince says he never broke up with anyone, that way nobody gets hurt. Eric says he's full of it.
Vince goes to his publicist Shauna for wardrobe ideas. She says she helped Kimmel get his show, he should wear a suit and needs to be prepared. He asks what's the big deal, it's just a talk show. The other guys say she should get them on shows. Shauna wonders what show would that be for Drama, the retarded brothers of stars show?
They go and play golf and Eric talks on the phone about some topics for the Kimmel show. He can't think of anything and Vince doesn't want to talk to the publicist. They are smoking pot and Turtle crashes his golf cart into the one they are sitting in. Sara Foster is also going to be on the show and Vince's not happy since they used to date. Eric asks what he'll say to her. He doesn't know. Eric says he'll say whatever to Kristen when he sees her.
Kristen comes by to pick up her stuff and asks what he's up to. He says she doesn't understand his job, he's got to keep Vince happy. She says Vince's a textbook narcissist. He has to break up with women so he doesn't get attached. She can't believe Eric's not getting his own place, still spooning off Vince. She goes to leave and he wants some makeup sex. She says OK, but it's breakup sex.
Turtle and Drama go to Rufus to work out a deal. Rufus says if Vince mentions his product Home Video Solutions on the show he'll give him the system for 50% off, but if he wears his hat, it's free.
Eric wants to talk after sex and she says the sex was good, but it's over. It's really just breakup sex. They all get dressed up and Vince just rolled out of bed. They meet with Shauna on the way in. The guys go to the green room. Vince goes to see Sara in her dressing room. He says he feels bad for not calling her. She says she's the one who didn't call him and invites him in. Emily comes over and sits next to Eric. She asks him if he smokes he says he quit, but she offers to go outside and he agrees. They come to get Sara, but they are having wild sex, and says she needs 10 minutes. Outside Eric and Emily hit it off with stories of how they have tried everything to quit smoking.
Kimmel interviews Sara about what kind of guy she wants. Ari runs into Sarah Silverman backstage. She invites him to the back room, but he says he's banned. He wants to go in with her, since he wants to sign her. She thinks he wants to have sex with him, and she has a class with his wife.
On the couch Sara and Vince and are holding hands and admit they had sex before the show. Vince doesn't want to talk about the movie so Kimmel asks what he wants to talk about. Vince wants to talk about why Kimmel and his brother are feuding. Vince says he blew him off, Kimmel says it isn't true and he's backstage. Kimmel says to bring him and Johnny runs up there. They watch the replay at home. Kimmel asks about their house and they throw in the shameless plug for Rufus and Johnny throws the hat on and puts it on Kimmel. They say it was a great night.
04 - Date Night. Eric is sleeping and Ari calls him from
the golf course. He says teens are hitting the theaters on the East Coast and to
get ready for the numbers. He goes back to bed and Emily calls, she is on her
way to the house so he jumps out of bed and tries to get cleaned up fast. She
has a box of fan mail for Vince and asks what they are doing for the big night.
He says they are just hanging, she says that's way too normal. She goes to
leave, but asks him to dinner. He is surprised and she says she could've sent a
messenger, but wanted to see him.
Turtle opens the mail. The first wants an autographed picture and sends postage which he pockets. The next is a photo of a nude woman that Turtle flips for. He says they should call her. Vince and Eric agree, no more psychos. Johnny got home late with a chick and says he was screwing in the night. The guys say it sounded like a bunch of baboons. Johnny finally comes down with Tanya, she is a female body builder - all buff. When she leaves they mock on him saying it must be like having sex with a man.
They go to lunch and talk about the big premiere and Eric says he's not going. He tells about his date with Emily and they can't believe it. So now they all want to get dates and hang out. Eric isn't happy about that. After lunch Vince goes to a black radio station for an interview. They ask him if he has any rituals, he says no. Then he busts on Eric for getting a date and says they are going out with him, but he doesn't have a date. The DJ can't believe it so they take some phone calls. The first is Justine the virgin, she wants to go with him again so Vince agrees. Turtle hits on Emily's assistant and she says she'd never go out with him. Johnny steals some batteries at the station. Emily says to let it go and she's calling Cindy Adams with the scoop.
Turtle goes home and looks at the picture of the nude girl Joann and calls her. Eric goes to the computer and Ari is there video conferencing him. Ari says he had computer sex with an Equadorian and the box office takes weren't that good and he wants to meet with them tonight. Eric says nothing is going on tonight. Ari knows he's lying because he can see him all dressed up. Eric hates that he can see him and Ari says that's the point. Kristen calls Eric up and says she heard on the radio he had a date and he's bringing his friends and goofs on him for that. He says to leave him alone, they broke up. She says they just had sex and he reminds her it was break up sex. She admits she doesn't know what she wants. He tells her to call back when she figures it out. They plan on a bowling date and Eric is horrified. Turtle also got a limo as a joke.
At the bowling alley Eric is upset at how this all turned out, but Emily says his friends are cool. He is surprised. Turtle picked up the girl who sent the picture and she bowls with her ass hanging out. Eric pulls him aside and says he is crazy for calling her. Turtle doesn't get it. She keeps hitting on Vince right in front of Justine so they bail out.
They pull up in front of a movie theater line and ask the people what they are seeing. They say the squirrel cartoon. So Turtle spoils the ending and tells them to see Head On instead. They go to the Pray club and Ari calls and figures out where Eric is and heads over. He blows his wife off and she is pissed. She says it's their night. He says he's got to work and she can get a cab. She tells him he better give him the keys. Justine makes out with Vince in front of everyone and Emily and Eric are uncomfortable. Justine says she wants him to be her first, but he'll have to work for it. He says he's an actor, he doesn't work. He's ready tonight. She says at least he's honest, but if he went with it, she would've given him the best head he ever had and leaves. Joann flips and leaves Turtle. She sees Justin Bateman and takes off. A fan comes up to Johnny and when he talks to her, Tanya comes over and pushes her away. Johnny gets pissed at her and she gives him lip, so her ditches her. Emily asks Eric to walk her out and they kiss, he is upset it didn't work, she isn't. She had a good time, just don't tell Ari.
Back inside all the guys lost their girls. Vince says there is no place he'd rather be except with his best friends. They all drink to that. Then a girl comes up to Vince, she says she's from his gym and they leave together. Ari asks Eric if Emily is hot and he says yes. Ari says he's thinking about sleeping with her.
05 - The Script and the Sherpa. The guys are all working
out at the gym, except for Turtle. Vince is off with his girl doing Yoga. Turtle
says Fiona has been at the house too long. Drama wants to hit the weights with
Vince, but he just stretched. A guy says hi to Eric, but he doesn't know who
he is. In the locker room the guy, Josh Weinstein, keeps talking to Eric, but
Eric says he doesn't know who he is. He is standing there naked and Eric wants
him to cover up. Josh says they met at a fight and he has a script for Vince that is different. Eric is
cautious until Josh says it was a good idea to skip Matterhorn, the script is
terrible. Josh also says it takes place where they grew up in Queens, so Eric takes the script.
Turtle and Drama go to a store and Turtle tries to hit on a girl who works there, but she wants nothing to do with him since he has no weed. She also wants some Ugg boots, but can't get them. Turtle says he'll get them in 2 seconds. He calls Shauna and tells her Vince needs the boots for his girlfriend.
Eric is by the pool reading the script and Fiona comes up to him asking if this is his job. He says yeah, he reads scripts and didn't go to school for it. She says she likes to read and if he needs a second opinion to ask her. She then takes off her robe and goes in the pool naked. Inside the guys are flipping that she stole their food. Vince says she's a vegan and threw it out. Turtle is pissed. Drama doesn't like the pictures she hung in the bathroom either. Eric tells them Fiona is naked in the pool and Turtle wants to see and Vince won't let him. He then tells Vince this script is his next film. Vince is intrigued until Fiona calls him for sex. She wants them to get as close as possible in a candlelit room without touching. She says they longer they hold out, the better the tantric sex. When Eric calls him about ready the script he says he doesn't have the time to wait.
Shauna comes by with the boots and Turtle is psyched. She says to thank her assistant Christie. So he goes over to her and says if she ever needs anything sexual to ask him. She blows him off. Shauna has a photo crew and Harley being delivered. Eric asks what's up with this, he didn't hear about it. She says she asked Turtle and Turtle asked Vince, so it's cool. Eric is mad she didn't come to him. She says Vince wants it, that's all that matters. If he doesn't take the picture on the bike, he doesn't get the bike and not to screw with her like he does with Ari. Vince comes out and says he can't do the picture because Fiona is an environmentalist and is against motorcycles. Shauna is pissed at him and Turtle since she realizes the boots couldn't be for Fiona since they have sheepskin. He won't give them back and hides behind their dog Arnold. Fiona tells Eric she read the script and loves it, so Vince wants to do it.
Inside Turtle and Drama are playing pool and Vince tells Eric he loved the script too. Eric asks him how much he read. He says the whole thing. Eric asks him how it ended. Vince is pissed. Eric says his girlfriend likes it, so now he likes it. Vince says not to worry, to call Ari and find out why he doesn't know about it. Eric calls and talks to Emily, she says he left his wallet at her house, is it a sign? He admits it is. She juggles Ari's schedule to fit Eric in and he's happy. They all go out to lunch. It's some vegetarian joint Fiona picked out. Ari wants some meat, he can't handle this. Eric says they found the script for Vince. Fiona says it's the best she's ever read. Both Ari and Eric don't care what she thinks. Ari yells about meat and Fiona can't deal with it and goes outside. Vince gets up and Ari and Eric yell at each other. Ari says there's nothing he doesn't know about first. Ari says he knows the producer Scott Wick and he hates Vince. Eric tells Vince who doesn't care and wants to know what now. Fiona goes outside to hang with Johnny and Turtle. They say they are in desperate need of weed and she says no problem. She has a Sherpa friend. So they all go to his place in Bel Aire. He has a large house with a giant marijuana garden and is so glad to see Fiona. He likes Johnny and wants to know when the next season of Viking Quest is on. He tells him it was cancelled 7 years ago, so he is bummed. They guy is totally hairy and sniffs Fiona's armpits. The guys are hitting bongs and pipes. Suddenly Eric's cell phone rings and the Sherpa flips out and pulls a gun on him. So does his Rasta guard. Then he says it is OK. It is Ari, he's got a meeting with Wick, it can happen if he wears tight clothes. Vince says he doesn't want to do the film, since he hates him. Fiona says once Scott meets him, he'll love him. Then Vince is interested again.
They take the dinner meeting and Scott doesn't see Vince in the role. He says the film is about a kid from the streets of Queens and Vince isn't it. Vince can't believe it since that is exactly where he grew up. They don't like each other, it isn't happening. Vince says they are going to order food to go. Scott says he isn't charity, he must be high. Vince says he is high. Scott is jealous since he hasn't been able to score any weed. Vince says he can hook him up and then they can talk scripts. They go out and smoke a bunch of weed in Scott's car. Suddenly they hit it off. They are laughing and Eric wonders why Scott is such a hardass. He admits he doesn't know. Suddenly the cops pull up behind them. Scott is flipping since he is on probation and in narcotics anonymous. The cop wants Scott to step out of the car. So Vince turns on the charm and says he's friends with the daughter of an officer. The cops says he knows Vince and has seen the trailer for his new film - it looks good. So the cop doesn't give him a ticket and requests an autograph. Then they have a going away party for Fiona. Ari calls and says Wick loves him and he's got the part.
06 - Busey and the Beast. The guys go in to see Ari and
Johnny is overdressed for his first meeting with his own agent in the same
building. Ari then takes Vince to a big board room where everyone is cheering
him for the - $18.6 million opening weekend. Johnny and Turtle go downstairs into
a cubicle where his agent is. Upstairs people pitch scripts to Vince. One is a
bio on David Koresch, the other is some weird underwater adventure, but Charlize
Theron is interested, so Vince is interested. Johnny's agent says he was
expecting someone younger. Johnny says he's been working for 12 years, just not
the last three. Vince's scripts suck and Eric wants to know about Queens Blvd.
Ari says there is no money for the film, it doesn't exist, it's an indie picture
and there's nothing there. Ari wants the projects they pitched, they are money
winners. Eric gets in Ari's face and curses him out, he wants Queens.
Johnny is totally bummed out after because his agent Adam Davies sucks. He is just a secretary. Johnny wants Ari fired for blowing him off. Then they have to go to an art gallery, but no one wants to, but it's for Shauna. It is the Art of Gary Busey. It's all circles, basically nothing and total crap. Gary fawns over it, says it's confusing, like running backwards through a corn field. They argue about the art and tell Shauna it's great. Johnny runs into Gus who he used to with. Gus is now a waiter for the catering company. He's glad to get the job and tells Johnny the company is really cool, they allow you to go to auditions, he should work with them. Josh Weinstein comes to the group up and knows Shauna and Emily. Josh is an agent for Triad now. He invites them to a big party at his house. The guys accept because there will be lots of women there. They start fooling around and Turtle knocks over one of the big statues and breaks it. Emily says she has to tell Ari about the party. Eric doesn't care. It turns out Josh used to work for Ari and is now a rival, that's why he gave Vince the Queens Blvd script.
The next day the guys are at the horse races and Ari is majorly pissed and tries to pull the guys away from the party. He calls Eric with basketball tickets, but since it is the Lakers vs. Wizards without Jordan, they decline. Eric says to get them tickets for Sunday instead. Ari wants to know if he should worry about the party and wants Emily to go to the party, to take one for the team, so she goes with Eric. Johnny wonders if the waiter job is any good at the party and the guy tells him to screw off. Eric talks to Josh and says there is a deal on the table for Queens and Eric is pissed that Ari lied to him. Eric asks Emily about the deal and she won't tell him. He calls Ari, so she leaves. Ari is at his kids birthday party. It's totally boring and he's trying to tape it, but nothing is happening. The clown tries to hook up with Ari and gives him a head shot photo, but he blows him off. Eric calls and says Josh is their new agent now. Ari flips and fights with his wife. He runs out of the party and heads to Josh's. He runs right over to Josh and embarrasses him in front of everyone. He tells them Josh used to work with him, only 14 months ago, Josh was a coffee making master and he called Josh's boss who owns the house since they used to be friends in school. Ari tells him he will take all of his clients and totally embarrass him. Ari finds Vince and tells him he is working for them. He isn't holding out on the script, he's just trying to make sure that if the film makes a fortune Vince won't get screwed. He says he's his friend, but he's just not going to tip his hand and reveal all his secrets. Eric and Vince are glad he was finally honest with them. They are friends again. He also has something big lined up. Turtle is scared that Busey is going to kill him, but when he talks to him he isn't mad.
Ari runs into Gary Busey on the way out and Gary doesn't recognize him, Ari used to be his agent. Gary is busting on him, he remembers him as a gut maggot with no guts. Ari loves that and tells Johnny to call Adam, he has three auditions for him. Johnny is thrilled he won't have to be a waiter. They watch the sun set, but Johnny is so dumb he doesn't realize it's facing west.
07 - The Scene. The guys go to the Coffee Bean and bust Eric about Emily
not calling him back. He says she is uncomfortable going between him and Ari.
Ari calls from Starbucks across the street, he says that's where they are
supposed be. Ari comes over and says all his focus is on Queens Blvd. He says
they have to meet with director, Billy Walsh, if they like each other the deal
is set. He's going away and they can call him to say how it went. Johnny hopes
there is a role for him and Vince says he'll talk it up.
They all go to meet the director at his house and it's loaded with women. They go upstairs and knock on the door. There are bedrooms and people everywhere in various stated of undress including a nude photo shoot. Billy is shirtless on the couch and says Vince is the best actor of his generation. He's out of it and says they are early, but Eric says he's right on time. Billy doesn't know or care who Eric is and that he won Sundance at 24. Johnny and Turtle are poolside talking crap. They all go downstairs to talk, Billy rips off money from a girls' purse and says he's buying. Drama kisses Billy's ass about liking his film, though he hasn't seen it.
Billy says his agent wants him to do a big studio project. Vince says same with him. They bond and Billy hates Eric. Billy says he changed the script, Vince's character is now a man, not a pussy, who fixed his girlfriend. Eric thinks he changed all the good things. Billy calls Eric a suit and not to listen to him. Back at home Turtle and Johnny play Mortal Kombat. Eric reads the script and says it's horrible, now Vince's character is gay. Vince doesn't mind playing a gay guy, just not too gay. Turtle can't understand why he'd play a role like that, something he isn't. Johnny says he's an actor that's why. Vince changes his mind when he learns a guy will be giving him oral sex. Eric calls Billy and says to meet him at a strip bar at noon. Johnny says there's a great buffet there.
When they get there Drama says the food isn't heated. Eric, Vince and Billy all get lap dances from half naked women. Eric wants to talk about the script and Billy says to talk like they are. Eric says he doesn't like the changes. Billy says he wants to make him manly, not gay. Think "Midnight Cowboy." Vince and Billy bond some more. Kristen calls Eric and says he called Kristen when he was drunk instead of Emily. Now he knows why Emily never called him back. While he's on the phone, Vince commits to Billy. Eric can't understand it because he hates Billy. Then they mock him for calling Kristen while drunk.
Ari and his wife have a romantic weekend planned. She is ready to get on top of him in bed when the phone rings. It's Eric, he wants to get Vince out of this film and Ari agrees Billy is a jerk. He says the best way to get Vince out of the film is to watch Billy's first film which none of them have seen. Ari gets off the phone and his wife leaves, they had a deal, he broke it - no business.
They screen Billy's film at the house and Johnny has the girls from the strip club there. Eric says to Turtle and Drama to make sure they say the film sucks. It's a black and white art film. After it turns out Eric loves it, Vince says he knew he would. Eric wants him to do the film, but they have to get get rid of the man giving Vince oral sex.
They go to see Walsh about the film saying they want to change the one scene, but he refuses. Billy says they can throw him off the film, he believes in it so much. Vince says he's in. Billy says so he'll be comfortable he's the one giving him oral. Billy says the scene wasn't in, he was just testing Vince to make sure he trusted him. Vince says he can push Eric around all he wants, but not him, so Billy's fired. Billy is floored, then Vince says he's joking too. Everyone is happy about it, except for Eric who is confused. Johnny says he really liked Billy's film, but this time he really saw it. He wants the role of the bookie. Billy says he's a lying, conniving jerk, perfect for the roll. Johnny is happy, not realizing the insult.
08 - New York. Vince is saying goodbye to his latest girl. She wants to know if she should come and visit him in NY and he says it's okay. It turns out he needs a list of all the women he needs to say goodbye to. Eric says they'll make it for him. Vince wants to know when Eric will hook him up with Scarlett Johansson. Turtle wants to have a big going away party. Eric says they shouldn't because Vince is only getting - $60,000 after taxes for Queens Blvd. They bust on Eric about which girl he's inviting to the party and say he should invite Kristen and Emily and they can duke it out. Vince says he'd do both of them.
Eric has dinner with Kristen and all he talks about is Vince. She says he is going through withdrawal from Vince, they are co-dependants. Johnny is at his agent's office and hears a big fight with Larry Charles and Ari. Larry is pissed at him for blowing off the basketball game. Ari keeps trying to pass the buck and make excuses. Johnny jumps up and helps him because he knows Larry and Ari is pissed off at him for interrupting a real client. Adam shows up and says Johnny has a shot as the sidekick on CSI Minneapolis. It's in Vancouver, doesn't pay much and if he takes it he can't do Queens Blvd.
Johnny wants the job and when he gets back he lies to the guys about all the perks he's getting on this gig. Vince says he'll double what he's getting to stay on Queens Blvd. Turtle wants to have the big party and charge - $10 to get in at the door, so he can make some money. Eric says no, but Vince says yes. Then they go back on the roof for golf and Johnny hits Toby McGuire's house. Eric drops Vince off at another girls place for a minute. It turns into 45 minutes because they are having sex the whole time. Eric calls Kristen and she says Vince never got a license so he could sponge off him. He decides he's leaving, can't take it.
Shauna tells off someone on the phone and then sees a flyer on her car for Vince's Bon Voyage party. She flips out at how cheap and seedy it is and if something happens like a fire they are screwed, plus the picture makes him look gay. Eric says it wasn't his idea. Turtle is home watching porn and Eric yells at him for him getting his butt chewed out by Shauna. Johnny leaves for his audition and Vince shows up with Janeen who gave him a ride. He can't believe Eric ditched him and he wants to go make out with the girl in the hot tub and sends Eric to the meeting with Ari he is supposed to go to.
When Eric gets there Emily is pissed off at him and calls him the pizza boy. Ari says he should've asked before he screwed his assistant, now he has to get rid of her. He says not to do that and he wants to be Vince's manager officially, and wants Ari's support. Ari says he has no choice, he was hoping he would step aside and let a real manager take over. On the way out Emily gives him the finger.
Johnny goes to the audition with some Don Johnson wannabes. When he finally goes in he starts playing the role, but gets mad when he sees a guy in the back emailing someone on his blackberry. He tells him he needs respect and just screams at him the whole time and walks out. One guy says he loved him. Johnny says screw TV, he's going to make a movie. Turtle is with him and is happy.
Eric wants to sit down and talk business with Vince until a girl he knows comes by and he blows him off to talk to her. He then waits until Turtle and Johnny show up. Vince wants Eric to sell himself as a manager to them. Eric is pissed, he doesn't want to do it that way, he wants to do it one on one with Vince. Since he has no choice, Eric tells Vince he knows him and picked out his scripts for him. They say he has no weaknesses. Eric has had enough and leaves. He says he's done and isn't going to New York. He wants to be an official manager, not just nothing. They let him leave. Johnny says Vince screwed up, he won't find another guy who likes him like Eric does. Turtle says Kristen screwed Eric up, that's why he's doing this.
Turtle goes into a club to make a deal and Vince calls Eric. He tells him he forgot his wallet and needs Eric to bring it to him and he reluctantly agrees. Turtle comes out with a wad of cash and gives it to Johnny saying there's no way he'd let him stay with him at his mom's place in Queens. Eric shows up as the guys are getting on Vince's private plane. He says Vince is an asshole for renting a - $30,000 plane on a - $60,000 job. He says it's worth it and if this is the way it is, OK. He gets on the plane and taxis. Suddenly the plane stops and Vince gets out. He tells Eric there is no turning back if they do this and Eric is willing to screw up their friendship. He can't fire his best friend, but he can fire his manager. Eric says he's willing to take that risk. Vince says OK for 5%. Eric says 10% and gets a phone call. Vince says if that is Kristen he'll straighten her out. Eric hands him the phone and it's Scarlett Johansson. She's in NY and wants to see him when he gets in. He suggests a late dinner and she says to make it an early breakfast. Vince says Eric is real slick and to get on the plane. Eric says what about his car and Vince says to leave it because he can't have his manager driving a crummy car.
09 - The Boys are Back in Town. Three
months later, the film shoot is over. The plane lands back in LA and Eric calls
Kristen as soon as he lands and they goof on him for going 3 months without
getting laid. Vince says once he went three days without getting laid, because
he had mono. They go to Eric's car and it's been sitting there the whole time
and is covered with dirt and bird crap. They go to the house and Eric gives all the
orders to Turtle who bitches about it. Eric races over to Kristen's to finally
get some loving and it turns out she has her period. They make out, but she won't do
anything else for him because she wants hers too. She says they can wait until
Saturday, get a room at a hotel and have the best sex ever.
At the house Drama says he would've done her anyway. They go to Ari's office and Emily is gone, now replaced by Lloyd. They want to see her but Ari says she went to work with James Cameron. Vince says he's ready to do a play in London, at $300 a week for 6 months. Ari climbs up on the desk, ready to jump out the window. Vince says he's kidding. Meanwhile Drama goes downstairs and his agent has a beautiful new assistant and his own office.
Ari pitches Aquaman to Vince, but he's not interested. Eric has a script for a big Pablo Escobar movie they want to do called Midian. Ari says he's too deep into Aquaman. Eric says he should be there for the meeting, but Ari blows him off. Vince says not to mess with him, he's not getting any. Ari asks him if he wants to hook up with Lloyd, but he doesn't want to hug him, he might sport wood.
Eric comes home and Turtle scheduled everything at once. All the deliveries are coming at the same time. The guys goof on Eric saying that Kristen is holding out on him. Drama wants Turtle to take some head shots of him. Vince says he'll call David LaChepelle instead. Turtle thinks no one respects him and they all abuse him and he chose the totem pole from Gary Busey.
Eric goes to a party and Shauna busts on him for not saying they were back. She introduces him to Amanda Peet and she wants to hook up with Eric on a movie with Vince, but Eric has no card, no company. Eric meets Ari and he wants to sell him Aquaman, but Vince doesn't want it. He wants to do the Escobar movie. Ari says Tom Cruise is up for the part, then Brad Pitt, then Keanu Reeves. Eric wants to know when it gets to Vince. Ari says he's not on the list and Vince needs Aquaman to get on the list. Eric says not to bother and get him something else. Ari curses him out for not even having a company and screwing Vince over. Ari wants a meeting to secure things.
Eric comes home to find Gary Busey posing with Vince in front of the totem, it looks like a giant statue made of dice. Eric says to Turtle he's to clear it with him first. He says they have enough pictures, time to wrap. Busey says they have to wait for the perfect light. Drama says he should've gotten this guy to photograph him. Turtle says to screw them both, he quits. Then DHL comes up and delivers a whole truckload of food from New York. The guys are thrilled and can't believe it. Eric admits he didn't do it. Turtle is peeking out of the window and wants an apology since he's the one who ordered the food. They apologize, but Eric holds out until he hears Turtle charged the food to Ari.
They go meet with Ari and Ari says he must do Aquaman. He says he doesn't want it, he wants Midian. Ari says here's the deal - there's nothing else out there. He's not hot anymore, the last 8 months have been cold. The only offer is for an Olsen Twins movie. Even that is because they don't think it would happen. Vince says he doesn't care. He would rather do a play than something he hates and leaves. Ari says to Eric that if Vince won't do Aquman he needs to find a new agent. Meanwhile the headshots worked out well for Drama, he's thrilled and thinks its going to be a great year. In memory of Sam Kellerman 2004
10 - My Maserati Does 185. The guys lead
Eric with his eyes closed outside to his new car. Eric thinks the Mazzaratti is
for Vince, but he says it's for him. Drama says there's nothing like screwing in
an Italian sportscar, even though his was a 1994 Fiat. Eric doesn't want to take
it until Vince says they gave it to him for free, so he could be seen driving
around town. Vince says he'll stick his head out the window while he drives him
to the Laker game.
The guys have floor seats with Ari. Vince doesn't want to talk to him, he wants to watch the game. Ari still wants to sell him Aquaman and gives lip to the referee and people in the crowd since he paid $2000 for the seats. Ari says to read the script, if he likes it think about it, if he doesn't like it, it's over. Kristen blows off her big date with Eric saying she has food poisoning. The guys don't buy it. Vince hooks up with one of the basketball players and then Drama asks about his legs and freaks him out.
Ari brings Jamie Pressley up to Vince, he passed on Torque with her. He says he'll be in the sequel. Then she invites him to her beach party. Eric is all bummed out and sits outside so they join him. They admit they don't like Kristen and that she's screwing around on him. No one believes her excuses. Eric says to watch it. Jamie tries to convince Vince to work her telethon for dogs with MS. He's never heard of it. Drama spots another guy with legs he likes and follows him. Eric wants to go home and Vince gets Ariana, a Perfect 10 model, to hook up with him and Jamie wants to hook up with Vince. Eric goes down on the beach with the girl and she tells him if Kristen wanted to be with him she would have him bring soup. Vince decides to go swimming even though it is the middle of the night and freezing. Jamie goes along with it and all the girls take off their tops and go skinny dipping.
Eric wakes up to Kristen's phone call at 7:30am, and it turns out he slept with the model and she's right next to him. Kristen says she's better now and wants to go to the hotel. He says he can't. He tries to blow her off, but she convinces him to pick her up after class. The girl then wakes up and says no one turns her down first thing in the morning and they have sex again.
Eric wants to buy some expensive jewelry to make up for it. He's going to confess and apologize. The guys say he's nuts and the model was the hottest girl he ever got. They know he had sex with her again, so he was into her. He picks out a $1400 necklace and they know for sure he had sex with Ariana. Ari then calls and wants to meet them.
They go to a sauna and Ari reads the Aquaman script to them until Vince agrees to read it. Eric agrees and then Ari goofs on him for cheating and wanting to make up. He'll end up in jail. Vince tells Eric to call Ariana, but he says he's done with her. So Vince says he'll call her and ask her out and Eric gets mad, since he failed the test, he's still into her.
Eric picks Kristen up and she wants to go back to her place. They are on the bed together and getting ready to go at it. He says it all sounded suspicious the way she didn't come to see him in NY, had her period when he got back, then food poisoning. She confesses to cheating on him with a guy from school. She is convinced he cheated on her in New York, but he didn't. She said she wasn't sure they were together, but now she is bummed she lost him. He confesses that he did have sex with a model last night. He didn't come over there to accuse her.
The guys go to drink poolside and Eric admits Ariana was the hottest girl he was ever with and he didn't enjoy it. Vince told him so. Now they say he can enjoy life or at least fake it so they can be happy. They decide to go to Vegas and Eric goes to return the necklace so he can have some cash. The girl in the store starts to flirt with him and he drops that he's Vince's manager and winds up getting her number. The guys are happy that he's moving on.
11 - Aquamansion1>. The guys go into a perfume store.
Turtle hits on all the girls and the guys all tell him not to get hooked up the
day before they go to the Playboy Mansion. Drama says he used to hang out at the
mansion when he was on Melrose Place, but now they won't let him in. Vince finds
an outfit for the mansion and the girl says George Clooney's people bought the
same today. She gives him a black outfit and promises no one else has it and she
won't sell it to anyone after him. Turtle wants $1,200 for brand name pajamas
and Eric can't believe him, but Vince buys them.
They go to lunch with Shauna and Marvin their business manager. They are talking about buying a house. If Vince does Aquaman Marvin says they can spend a million to a million and a half on a house. Vince wants to be the first Chase to own a house. Drama says he owned one, but it was really just a condo. They go look at a million dollar house and it is too small.
Shauna calls Eric and says Drama has been banned for life from the Playboy Mansion. He let all the chimps free and one attacked a playmate. Drama says it wasn't him, it was Ralph Maccio. He brought him in and he got drunk. Vince says if Drama can't go, none of them can go, but Ari will take care of it. Turtle goes to a store and tries to return some of Vince's gifts for some cash. The cashier was a druggie and now she is straight. Turtle tries to hook her up with weed, so it doesn't work. She says she'll give him store credit instead.
Vince and Eric meet Ari at the studio about Aquaman. Ari says he'll get Drama into the mansion if Vince takes Aquaman. They go to the meeting and Vince jokes with the producer the whole time making it awkward. They tell him the script is dark and it's going to be gritty and their crew to bring in the suit for him to look at. The suit is really lame and gaudy and Vince says there's no way he'll do the film. Eric tells Ari he'll take care of it.
When they get home Vince and Eric are fighting over Aquaman. Eric says the suit is gay, but the script is good. Vince says no way will he do a film in a suit. Turtle says it's not for Vince and Vince says Turtle should be his manager.
Later they go look at the Brando house and they love it, but it is 4 million dollars. Vince says he'll take it. Eric says they have no job, and no money, but Vince says they'll take care of it. Ari calls Eric and says there is no way Drama is getting in, he's banned for life. So Drama goes over to Ralph Maccio's house and wants him to apologize to Hef so he can get in. Ralph says he's a family man now, he's not into Playboy. His wife overhears him and gets mad, wondering when he was at the mansion. He says ten years ago. Drama says since he's moved on he can make the call for him. Ralph closes the door, steps outside and says it's every man for himself, he's not calling, he's going to the mansion. Drama is pissed.
So the guys go and are waiting in line in their car, Turtle leaves the tag on the PJ's so he can return them. The security stops them and makes them pop the trunk. Turtle says it doesn't work, but they aren't buying it. Drama is hiding in there and security makes him walk home.
Turtle is walking around and one of the naked painted girls bumps into him and gets paint all over him. So much for being able to return the pajamas. Ari tries to sneak out to the mansion, but his wife catches him. She knows he's going to the mansion and he says he goes where the meetings ari and that's where it happens to be, no big deal. Shed wants a 2 week vacation and he has to be home by 2am. He says she can go on the vacation, but she says HE has to go too.
Turtle calls drama. College guys are hassling him as he's walking home in a bathrobe and Turtle tells him to sneak in by the monkey cages. He climbs over the fence, finds Macchio so they fight and security catches them. Hef comes over and Vince tries to step in by saying he's his brother. Hef says Drama and Ralph are both banned for life if they don't confess about who let the monkeys out. They were so drunk that night so they don't remember. Then Drama suddenly remembers it was Pauly Shore who did. They grab a struggling Pauly Shore who is nearby and throw him out. It turns out he's a wacky animal rights type who doesn't believe animals should be in cages.
The guys are surrounded by Playboy Playmates and Ari wishes he wasn't married so he could screw around. He then pretends he's bad until he has to admit he has a 2am curfew. Vince wants the house, but Eric says if they take it they'll be out on the street in a few months. Eric says he's in it for the long haul, but if he does Aquaman he'll have the house. Vince admits he likes the script, but doesn't think he can pull it off. Ari says Warner's is so confident in him they want to hook him down for back to back films. $5 million for the first, $7 million for the next one and god willing if there is a third - $12 million. He can definitely have the house if he signs. Vince says if he does, he wants approval on the suit. Ari says he's got it - he can wear tube socks and a yarmulke if he wants. Vince says to lock it in and they celebrate.
12 - An Offer Refused. Vince brings Shauna to his new
house and she loves it and wants to know who will decorate. Drama says he will
and she tells him that's a joke. Vince says he wants her decorator. Shauna says
this all got started with a Vic's commercial. She can't believe they are
spending at least $3 million on it and they might get the Variety cover for
Aquaman. Eric is happy about it all. Drama wants to move the pool and says he's
going in for elective surgery. Billy calls Eric and says Queens Blvd is going to
Sundance. They are psyched.
Eric goes to Ari with a snowboard as a gift and Ari mocks Queen's going to Sundance. He then tells him that Aquaman hasn't gone through yet. Eric wants to know why, but they don't know. Ari says they farted around too long and now they are dragging. Eric is flipping because they just bought the house.
Drama goes to the doctor and likes the two girls in the lobby, but blows it by saying he's there for his girlfriend. Inside he says he wants to get his calves done because he hates them. He agrees to do it, but it will cost $10,000, so Drama is probably screwed.
Vince has Shauna's designer over and she shows him pictures the stars she houses has done like Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston. Turtle wants to see a picture of Jen in the tub. Shauna says Brad would kick his ass. Turtle says he's the one would kick his ass. The designer gets $150,000 plus 10% on all purchases, but she gets 20% off, so it works out. They say they have money coming in and she says she knows he's good for it and will get right to work.
Drama goes to his friend Chris for some money he owes him. Chris says he was forced to paint the house, and it cost him $2500 to fix it so Drama gets desperate. Chris is in a boxing ring and Drama says if he can beat his ass he'll get the money. Chris agrees.
Vince goes to look at some sharks that are $5,500 each and Eric thinks it's a waste. Ari is taking a piss when he gets the call about Aquaman. The deal is on the way, but the boss is still in France.
Drama gets his ass kicked in the ring so he has to go to Vince. Eric tells him money is tight, so Vince says he'll think about it. They mock him about getting calf implants and wonder if they are like breast implants. The guys look at furniture and run into Josh Weinstein. Josh tells them to remember he found the Queen's Blvd script and it's great about them playing Sundance. He also tells them how great it is about JC. They ask what is JC? He can't believe they don't know James Cameron is directing Aquaman. They are shocked, psyched and scared. It will make a fortune and suck like Titanic. Eric is desperate to get a hold of Ari, but can't.
Ari is in marriage counseling with his wife. She is telling the doctor how he doesn't listen and flies off the handle. Lloyd promises to hook Eric up with Ari since he is so nice. Ari's phone rings and his wife is pissed. They agreed to no calls. He says it is the important line, the Batphone. She only wants 1 hour a week with him and he can't do it. He says he must take it and flips when he hears the news about Cameron. Ari goes nuts, runs out and badgers Lloyd to make the calls.
Ari returns to work and finds out Pete knew about Cameron and he lays into him and tells him he is fired. Turns out the guy isn't Pete, he's just the mailman. Ari calls Dana, who he used to bang to tell him the truth, since he got her the job at her agency. She levels with him that Cameron is in France right now wrapping the deal and his daughter is a huge fan of Vince's. Ari is ecstatic, but he says not to tell anyone.
Vince goes out to meet Billy Walsh to celebrate about Sundance, but Billy can't get in the club without Vince and is waiting outside. They are partying with some models and Ari comes in and breaks the news to Eric who tells Vince. They are thrilled and Vince tells Drama he get can get the stupid calf surgery and the girl asks Drama what's that about. The maitre'd says they can move to Decaprio's table. He's out of town to see Cameron about Aquaman. Now it looks like they are screwed.
13 - Neighbors. The phone rings, it's Shauna calling
Eric who is still in bed. She tells him to go get Variety magazine, Vince has got the cover
that reads "Vincent Chase swims into Aquaman." Eric
can't believe it, he calls Ari. Ari says Variety is a high school paper and not
to worry about it. He's still got the role until anyone else says. Eric is
worried about Decaprio though. Ari is waiting on the call from Dana.
Drama wants a built-in Wok and new kitchen knives so Vince can get his thin tomatoes. Turtle says the new rug cost $50,000 and he wants $1,000 for steam cleaner. Eric wants to talk. Vince sows up with the neighbor Stacy, half naked. Turtle asks what happened to her friend Cindy, she ran out on him last night. Stacey says she'll hook up Turtle with another friend. The bell rings and it's Bob Saget with a welcome basket and DVDs. Bob says to Vince his daughters are big fans, but not to have sex with them. He's kidding. Bob wants to know if Stacy's friends are in town, he just got divorced and is looking for a date, the wife got the house. He asks who is more famous him or Vince. After Vince says he doesn't even know who Saget is.
They go to Billy's to do the looping for Queen's Blvd. Turtle is desperate to get laid because he's in a slump. They are desperate to hook him up. Vince says to have a slump, you have to be in something. The guys have to go in the booth while Vince goes in to record. Eric tells the guys the secret is that Vince has no money because there's no offer for Aquaman and not to tell Vince. He finishes the looping and Billy is thrilled. Drama says he'll call a girl that can't even spell no for Turtle.
Ari is flipping out and Lloyd has some horrible suit that Ari makes him look like Michelle Kwon in drag. He calls and there is a new girl there. Ari says he probably doesn't know him, but if he doesn't get his assistant on the phone he'll post naked pictures of her on the net for free. She puts him though and it's Emily. Ari doesn't remember her. She reminds him that she used to work for him only a few months ago. Then he tries to kiss her ass and she reminds him he was supposed to write a letter of recommendation for her and she's pissed at him. He says he'll write it now, whatever she needs. He wants to know about Aquaman and she totally blows him off.
At lunch Drama says he doesn't want the new calves and Turtle doesn't want the 70" plasma TV. Drama's girl shows up and takes one look at Turtle who waves and runs off. They mock him for waving, he didn't look cool. When the guys go to pay the tab Vince knows something us up. They haven't offered to pay for anything for 10 years. Turtle says he has Vince's card anyway. They make Eric confess that he has no money. Vince is flipping out, he's supposed to be his friend. Eric says he's his manager. They go to Ari to find out what's going on.
Ari can't get Cameron on the phone, but the good news is that Decaprio doesn't want the part and is booked up. Eric says to do it. Vince says he's his manager, not his friend and to make this happen. They talked them into the role he didn't want and now with Cameron involved he wants the film more than anything. If they don't get him the job he wants new people. Eric says Cameron needs to see Queens Blvd. Ari reminds him that even Eric hasn't seen it. What they should do is get Vince and Cameron in a room together. Vince leaves Eric there and goes to Stacy's party.
Drama tells Turtle if he can't get laid at Stacy's he should turn his dick. Bob Saget is there and bets Aquaman Vince he can hold his breath longer. Bob then jokes with him, saying Vince is really his idol. Vince wonders why. Bob's been trying to get Stacy for years and even offered her $100,000 to close the deal. Bob then tells him that Stacy is a madam. Vince had no idea and is freaking out. Saget is getting high and says he scored some great stuff. Drama says he was on Full House. Saget was high in the 90s so he doesn't remember anything.
Meanwhile Eric goes to meet with Emily. She wonders what took him so long and they discuss a deal. Ari is picking up his kid from school and his wife is thrilled he's spending more time with the family. He says he isn't an absentee father. Then Sarah comes running and he picks her up. When he sees Dana, he runs over to her. He says he's never been treated so bad and he wants that meeting with Cameron. She tries to evade him, then admits Cameron doesn't know who Vince is. Ari wants to get them together and she gives in. Ari's wife then drives off and leaves him there.
Vince confronts Stacey and she tells him that they are a couple and he doesn't have to pay for it. She says she'll even give a freebie to Drama and Turtle. Vince says he'll pay until she says it would be $5,000 each. Vince wants to work it off and she agrees for some kisses.
After the party the guys are excited when Eric comes home. Eric tells him he talked to Emily and Cameron wants to see Queens Blvd. Both Drama and Turtle tell Vince not to tell the other that the girls were professional hookers, they figured it out, but don't care, it's the other guy who'll care. Ari then calls Eric asking how could he screw it all up. He had a meeting with Cameron that was cancelled. He and Emily set it up for Cameron to watch Queens Blvd. Ari had Cameron without him having to see it, so he better like the film or the whole deal is screwed.
Eric finds Billy at a bar and tells him Cameron wants to see his film. Billy is excited that Cameron is coming to Sundance. Eric says no, they need a private screening. One of Stacy's call girls comes over to Billy and says they have limited time. Billy says if Cameron wants to see his film he has to come to Sundance and wait in line like everyone else. Eric says that won't work and Billy leaves with the girl. Eric orders a drink. 23 minutes
14 - Chinatown. Turtle is playing an X-box online boxing
video game and is trash talking with some tool in Iowa. He cuts him off as Eric
comes in wondering what the hell he's doing. He's getting ready for the X-box
tournament to make some money for the house. Drama has a plan for paying off his
part of the house by cooking. Vince says to Turtle the problem is that he has to
pass a urine test to get in the tournament and the guys fool him into believing it.
Vince then says Eric is the only one not bringing in money. Eric tells him to
make some calls. Vince says for him to call Billy as he doesn't make calls, he's
the actor. Also Emily called three times, but Eric doesn't know what to say. He
calls Ari and says Vince isn't happy. Ari says that's because poor people aren't
Ari calls a meeting with the priority of getting Vince a job. One woman suggests TV. Ari says TV is nothing. She says Gary Sinise does TV, he says when Vince looks like Gary Sinise he'll do it. Ari tells her to get out - literally. He wants her out of the building. Another guy says Toby McGuire dropped out of a TV commercial and Vince can get it for half. Ari says that's it. He runs out of the office and calls Eric to have a meeting in 20 minutes. He offers Vince a Japanese TV commercial. Vince says he doesn't want to do a commercial. Ari says Vince is the number one actor in Japan and it will only play over there. Vince wants nothing to do to with it until Ari tells him it pays $500,000 for one day's work. It's for the Japanese version of Red Bull. Then he wants it. Now for that price Vince just wants to do commercials.
They go to the director's office and Turtle wants to get a hot Asian girl to clean the house and have sex with them. Drama says that's called a hooker. The director only speaks Japanese so they have to go through a translator. The fight choreographer Lei is there is Vince knows her work. He has a vision of samurai swordfights and a karate battle. After the meeting they really liked the guy and talk about doing a movie with him. Lee comes out and says the director likes him and wants her to show him some of the fights moves. Drama says he worked with Brandon Lee in The Crow. She says to come along.
Eric finds out Billy is at home so he goes there. Turtle has a lead on some clean urine so he goes there. Drama and Vince go to the karate academy. There are only girls there and Drama arrives in his karate uniform with a yellow belt. Lei mocks him saying he hasn't earned the level, that his is the American way. She calls him a girl and tells him to do some moves. Everything Drama does she deflects and kicks his ass and then tells him to leave. Vince asks if she'll show him those moves. She grabs his hand, puts it on her hip and then brings him down on top of her. She says he has to get hot with her.
Turtle beats a rich guy at boxing whose driver gives him his urine. Eric meats with Queens Blvd's producer Scott Wick to get the print for Cameron. A half naked guy answers the door and Eric and he asks for his dad, but it turns out he is Scott's gay lover, not his son. Eric meets with Scott by the pool. Scott says he'll get Eric the print if he does something gay for him. He then tells him he's joking.
The guys go to the X-box tournament and Turtle wants to know where to go for the urine test. The girl at the door says he's such a loser, it's not the Olympics. He then asks what he's going to do with the urine. They laugh at him and tell him to drink it. Turtle's first opponent is a little black kid. They tell him to go over and wish the kid luck and the kid calls Turtle a fat bastard. Lei tries to play and can't, Vince tries to help her and Drama wants a rematch. Wick calls Eric to tell him Billy won't let him show Cameron his film. Eric tells Vince he screwed up and he will cost him Aquaman. Vince says he screwed up by buying the house first and Ari screwed up for saying they had Aquaman. Eric agrees. Turtle goes up and loses to the kid in the first round.
Then they go to the set of the commercial the next day. Turtle thinks he smokes too much weed and wants to share, but everyone else is working. Ari shows up and says that Cameron wants Sharon Stone to play Aquaman's mother and Ari represents her. He says Sharon told him Vince is her favorite actor right now. This gets them a meeting with Cameron. He has agreed to come to Sundance to meet them and see Queens Blvd.
Then we see the commercial. Vince is in a white suit and a man confronts him in black on a street between abandoned factories with flaming trash barrels. Vince tells him he shouldn't have come alone. He says he didn't. All these various guys come running out of the buildings Matrix style. Then Drama appears overhead and says "Drink this bro!" and throws him a can of the Asian Red Bull. Vince is then able to fly around and beat them all. He told them not to come alone. The logo is "to drink the stuff for the power to pop until your heart stops."
15 - The Sundance Kids. The guys are going to the
Sundance Film Festival in Colorado. They get off the plane and Drama says it's
sweet. He missed his first festival in Palm Springs in 1993. Turtle doesn't care
since there is no snow there. Drama says it's not real skiing without ice and
Turtle agrees. Eric says they aren't skiing, they're snowboarding and they've
never done it besides in the store. Vince bets them he'll get down the slope
first, $1000 if they win. They agree.
They look for James Cameron's name inside with the chauffeurs, but don't see it. They wonder if he has a machine that digs through the earth to get there. Shauna shows up and tells them she's sorry she's late. The guys go to the car while Eric goes to the bathroom and runs into Harvey Weingarten who owns Miramax. Eric introduces himself as Vince's manager. He though Ari was his manager, but Eric says he's his agent. Harvey asks what the difference is and Eric makes him laugh saying the manager cares about the client. So they set up a meeting for Harvey's latest film.
There driver is a young California girl named Cassie who's from Earth Peace. Drama and Turtle want her so they try to impress her and fail. Vince and Eric goof on them for coming to Colorado and falling all over a California girl. There are plenty of girls around, why fight over one, besides Vince saw her first. They are both bummed out, then Vince tells them he's kidding. Their place is a big log cabin and they don't have their own rooms. Drama and Turtle are pissed, but Vince says Eric found the part, so he gets his own room. There are extra sidekicks as gifts for Vince and Turtle wants to eBay them. Turtle and Drama have to share a bunk bed and Turtle grabs the bottom first.
Later they are walking down the street and Turtle and Drama are already competing for Cassie after she drops them off. Shauna got Drama tickets to a Spanish film he's excited to see so he takes Cassie to the movie. Turtle bribes his way into the film with a sidekick and sits next to Cassie and she starts taking popcorn from him. Eric gets hit with a snowball and it's Ari. They fight it out and Ari gives since he's outnumbered. Eric tells him they have a lunch with Harvey and he doesn't believe it. The only condition is not to bring Ari. Ari says if it wasn't for him Harvey would still be making Kevin Smith movies. They are to meet him at 2:50 and Ari says it's a bogus time, it's a joke. It's true and they meet Harvey for lunch.
Harvey has a movie he has wanted to make for 15 years - Tapping the Source. It starts in three weeks in Australia and he likes Vince and wants him there.
Drama is the first to stand up and clap after the film and asks the first question to the director Alejandro. He's really just kissing his ass and wants a part in his next film wonders if an American with Chilean blood could play the part of Raul. He invites him as his guest to see him in Queens Blvd.
Ari says they've got him the role in Tapping the Source. He and Eric want to know about Cameron and Aquaman. Vince wants Cameron to see Queens Blvd. Ari finally confesses that Cameron is coming to see many films, not just his and he's on the list for Aquaman, but it's not guaranteed. They don't know anything about Harvey's film but it's a lock, Aquaman is not. So they agree to the film in Australia. The guys go to a bar and Ari meets with Harvey and they agree to the film.
Turtle and Drama are still hitting on Cassie. She says they are best friends and shouldn't fight over a girl. She leaves and tells them to work it out. They agree and then both admit they want to have sex with her.
Eric and Vince take their publicists home and the girls get naked in the hot tub. They are impressed he's meeting with Cameron as Titanic is their favorite film. Vince says Aliens was his favorite film in high school. What are they doing taking the film in Australia? Eric wants Cameron too, but they are playing it safe, since Vince needs the money. Vince wonders when do they ever play it safe? So they agree to dump Harvey, wait for Cameron and hope for the best and make a commercial in the Sudan if they have too. They are going to call Ari, but the girls are waiting.
Drama and Turtle smoke weed with Cassie and ask her to choose. She makes out with Turtle and he thinks he won, then she makes out with Drama and goes upstairs for a threesome.
The next day Drama is mad at Turtle. Eric and Vince wonder what's wrong. It turns out they crossed swords during the threesome. They hope there was a girl involved. Ari shows up and they tell him they don't want Harvey's film. They are waiting for Cameron to see Queens Blvd. Ari says Harvey is inside about to hold a press conference about Vince and to tell him himself. He does and Harvey goes insane on Eric telling him he'll never work for them again and he's dead to him.
Cameron is in the lobby and Turtle and Drama talk up Vince in front of him. A dopey girl asks Cameron a question about Titanic and he goofs on her. Vince and Billy Walsh are there and Walsh and scared. He had a bad dream about the film, no one will like it. They speak before the film and Walsh warns them its 4 hours long and to use the bathroom now.
After the film everyone outside is saying how brilliant it is. Eric says it went well with Harvey, but Cameron walked out 10 minutes in. They know that can't be good. Drama's Spanish director liked him, even though he was cut from the film. He gets an audition and is psyched, but the guys are bummed. Vince says they need to go snowboarding.
On the top of the mountain they aren't sure about going down. Ari calls Eric, it's an emergency. Cameron is on the phone from his helicopter and wants to talk to Vince. Vince calls him Mr. Cameron and he insists he calls him James. He he admits he had to leave Queens Blvd early, but what he saw of the film he liked and offers Vince the Aquaman job. Vince accepts. They are in and will meet next week. Ari dances in the snow and Eric says they still have to get down. Vince now offers $10,000 for the first one down. Drama gives Turtle a head start because he pushes him.
16 - Oh, Mandy. Ari has 2 envelopes
- 1 with an Aquaman check for $2 million and Ari reminds Vince his first check was $668 for a guest
spot on Jag. The second is a list of the 5 hottest actresses up for Aquagirl.
Ari didn't take commission for his first job, now he will. He calls E a skim milk
skin colored bastard while they are sitting outside. Ari has to go because he's #9
on Faded magazines Top 40 under 40. He
says E will be the top on the list of Top 40 under 4 feet. No time to cash the
check, they have to go to Malibu.
Vince has a chance to score with any of the girls on the list after spending 9 months in a water tank with them. They think there is a party on Wednesday at 10am, but Drama is pissed that he's missing his massage. It turns out the house on the beach they go to is empty and belongs to Jessica Alba. She's off shooting a movie and they can stay there for free, all they have to is take care of the cats. Drama is allergic to them though. Turtle and Drama play the hand slapping game and Drama wails on Turtle. Cameron Diaz is on the Aquagirl list, Turtle says she's loyal and has a boyfriend, no good. Jennifer Garner, same thing, boyfriend. Kirsten Dunst, she's already slept with a super hero (Spider-man), but is single. Mandy Moore is on there, but the problem is Vince dated her for a while. Eric didn't hear about this because he was still on the east coast when it happened. Vince says it's nothing, but she probably still likes him. They have to go to the market since they can't deliver food to the house.
Vince is off in aisle 9 with a MILF. Turtle and Drama tell Eric to get any girl but Mandy Moore or they are sunk. Eric asks why. They say Mandy broke Vince's heart, he was stalking her, doing drive bys, made her mix tapes and watched the same movie 20 times. Eric can't believe it, Vince never really cared about a girl in his life. Drama spots Dr. Joyce Brothers and she has the last box of Fruit Loops in the store in her cart. Drama gets a call from Adam, he has a movie of the week offer for him, but he has to there right away. He says he's in Malibu, he'll never make it. He has to take Turtle to drive him, but Turtle doesn't want to go. Drama gives him a free slap on his hands so he agrees. Drama goes over to Joyce and says hey is a big fan while Turtle steals the Fruit Loops. Cameron's agent calls Ari and wants to know about the "Night to Remember" incident. Eric says he'll get back to him since he doesn't know and Ari had to pretend he knew about it when he was asked.
Eric asks Vince about Mandy, but he says it was nothing. What about closing the set down for 2 days because he was harassing her? Vince says he was sick, it was bad clams. What about the mix tape? He denies it, then admits he made the tape, but didn't send it.
They meet the old Navy Seal scuba man who is training them for Aquaman at the beach. He says he never lost anyone of 7 continents and he's worked for Cameron a while. He did lose a guy in Antarctica, but he blames it on the cold.
Drama just makes it to the audition at the last second once again saying he came from Malibu. There is a guy on his sidekick in the back and isn't paying attention. Drama is starting to twitch and they tell him not to flip out like last time. On the way out Drama is pissed off because he bombed on the audition.
They are driving back to the house along the PCH and a surfer guy is drives up close to him and he flips out. He tells the guy to drive by and the guy curses him out. Drama flips him off and the guy stops in front of him. The surfer guy gets in his face and says wasn't he in TV, like 20 years ago and he spits on his car. Drama jumps out and grabs a golf club out of the back. He slams it into the surfer's windshield again and again. As this is happening Adam calls him, Drama got the MOW job. The cops pull up and arrest him, but he is so happy he got the job he doesn't even care.
The guys bail him out of jail and he doesn't care that he has a record now. Shauna is there and tells Drama they'll throw the book at him if he's lucky. Vince doesn't care, he says if his brother comes out looking tough, no one will mess with him. Eric gets a call that Mandy Moore wants to have dinner with Vince because she wants to make sure everything is OK before she accepts the part. Everyone is concerned about Vince, but he can't believe they are. Shauna says he was on breakup diet and lost weight. Vince says to set up the dinner, he can't believe she would turn down a Cameron film because of him., besides she's dating anyway. Turtle says she's not. Vince still doesn't care.
Ari is getting ready for the magazine photo shoot when Jess comes in. She says Josh Weinstein told her he is going to be 40 this week, he says he's only 36. She asks when he graduated college and graduate school. He claims 1991. Since he's too old he can't be on the list and the shoot is over. Ari says for the crew to stay, he'll use the pictures for his family.
Vince gets ready to meet Mandy and asks how he looks. Eric is worried because he's never asked how he looked in 25 years. The cable guy is there, he just took the stuff from Don Johnson's house. He didn't have the money and wanted to pay with signed Nash Bridges DVDs. Drama says he was in Season 3, Episode 7 to check it out. Turtle says now that they can watch the fights the house is complete. The cable guy says to Vince go with the blue shirt, Drama says the shirt doesn't bring his eyes out. Vince goes to change.
The guys all go to the restaurant with Vince and they wait outside. Eric can't believe he is doing this. Inside they each say hi and that is it. It is awkward. She wants to know why they haven't talked in 5 years. He says it was just an on screen romance. She says he's gotten glib. He says it's glibber with age and he knows it's not a word because he knows she was going to correct him. Vince says he hoped she would be his costar ever since. She says he proposed to her after 5 weeks, what happened, she was only 20. He says he thought he was in love with her and so did she. He says it's all in the past and he's single, she's single, it'll work out great. She says she isn't single, she's engaged to be married next month. Vince leaves and tells the guys it was awkward and to get her off the movie.
17 - I Love You Too. The guys are going to a U2 concert
and Drama is wearing an Irish flag as a cape walking the line in by the front of
the arena. Turtle can't believe he is wearing it, especially since he isn't
Irish. Vince says when he was 7 Drama took him to his first concert and it was U2.
He snuck him out the window. Turtle wonders how old Drama really is. He says 31
and forget it. It's his birthday and Ari is hooking them up with the tickets.
Vince wants to talk Eric and says he wants Mandy on the film now. At first it
was weird, but now he is OK.
They meet in the arena bar with Ari and he says he can't get Mandy off the film. Ari wants Vince to do ComicCon in San Diego to promote Aquaman . Drama is excited, he goes every year and makes $1800 for Viking Quest singings. Cameron can't go so it's only Aquaman & Aquagirl. Vince is weirded out, doesn't want to go, then Ari says promoting it to the comic book geeks is the only way to go - convince them and it's a success. Turtle doesn't want to go, but Eric says he better if he wants to live off Aquaman for 50 years. Ari opens up the tickets and doesn't have them, it turns out they are basketball tickets for the Clippers on Thursday. No one can believe it, they think it's a joke. Drama refuses to scalp tickets, even though they can get them for $200 each, he says it's unethical and drives up ticket prices, so they can't go.
They head to ComicCon and Shauna meets them there, she wants to promote that Vince isn't Drama's brother. Everyone there knows Drama as soon as he pulls up and a hot actress is all over him. She is Vanessa Angel and they worked together on 5 VQ shows, then she got her own spin-off - "Angel Quest." Vince says he'll have to say he's Drama's brother there. Drama says after he hates Angel. He pulls out his axe prop from Viking Quest, he's all ready.
They spot Mandy and don't want Vince to blow it, he looks at her and walks over to talk . Her fiancé is there and introduces him. He is awkward, he wants to have drinks with them later. She comes up to Vince after and says it will mean a lot to her if he has dinner with them tonight. He agrees.
They go up to their rooms and Jessie Jane the porn star is walking by. She knows Drama and is there at dorkapalooza to promote "Pussy Patrol" with her two porn star friends Devon and Teagan. They lick ass by day and kick ass by night and wants them to come by their booth. Turtle can't believe he knows her, he spanks to her all the time. Eric hopes Drama wasn't in a porn, he says they were in a scene study class together. Drama wants to get with her, but can't. Turtle and Drama go poolside to get some sun before he signs autographs. Two super dorks come up to Drama for a pictures and an autograph. He says signing starts at 6. They say they are leaving at 5pm. They have made their own helmet of his character and he is impressed. Turtle says $40 for an exclusive, they agree, but Drama says he'll do it for free since he is their favorite Viking. They even convince him to put the helmet on and do the Viking victory call. Then they spot Angel and blow Drama off and the picture and follow her.
Vince does an interview with a major comic book geek RJ Spencer who has a website that gets 1 million hits a month. Vince blew him off in Paris last year and RJ thinks he hates him. Vince says he tried to call him, but couldn't get a hold him, you know how international phones are. Vince says he's been a fan of Aquaman since he was a kid and he felt the stories really turned once the female writer started, it took a women to capture his sensitivities. Spencer loves him now.
Vanessa walks by the pool and tells Drama to use some sunblock. Turtle says it's a good idea, but Drama wants baby oil, he needs to have a mean tan for the signing.
Everything goes great with Vince until RJ gets into questions about Mandy. He knows that Vince proposed and she turned him down. Vince can't believe he knows that, says interview over and walks off. Away. Eric and Shauna are listening in and both are floored, they didn't even know he proposed. He never told them because he was embarrassed. Eric says he's his best friend since he was 6. Vince says he had his heart broken and for them to fix it, he's not apologizing.
Drama wants Turtle to quiz him on his character Torvel because he doesn't want to look bad in front of the fans. He has a notebook with facts like his enemy Thorvil Skullsplitter, his ship and home planet. Drama gets the home planet wrong, but doesn't believe Turtle. Turtle says he forced him to do this, ruined his weekend and now calls him a liar.
Eric goes to RJ Spencer's room to apologize. RJ asks where Vince is. Eric says he sent him. He's not interested, he says he will post every week on his site that Vince is Aquafag and will bury him. He started the site from his moms basement for 2 reasons - to get laid and to make money, none worked. Eric says he liked him at first, but now he doesn't.
Vince is getting ready for his dinner with Mandy and Shauna tries to hook him up with a date, she has someone from Maxim. She says she can buy RJ by getting him a watch. Rumor is the producers flew him out to the "Swordfish" set, put him up and he gave them 4 stars. Turtle found a hot girl with Spock ears, Vince declines. He says for Eric to go with him. Eric can't believe he is a date. Vince agrees to go alone, it's just that Mandy was the last serious relationship he's had.. Drama comes in asking which Viking outfit to wear - home or away. They all can't believe how sunburned he is, but Drama doesn't see it.
The guys go to ComicCon with Drama in full regalia. He runs into Vanessa, her booth is right next to his so they can talk. Her booth is huge with a large banner and packed, his has a couple of posters, is small and empty.
Vince goes to the restaurant and Mandy they are expecting them. He sees them sitting at the table kissing and holding hands. He can't take it and leaves.
Drama is signing pictures for dorky fans and one guy asks him his home planet. Drama tries to blow him off and spots he is wearing a U2 shirt and asks him how the show was. He says amazing, but Drama says he heard it wasn't that good. He's seen them on every tour and they are all equally amazing. Drama gives the answer Turtle told him about the planet and it turns out to be wrong. He will kill Turtle and the dorks can't believe he didn't know it. Vanessa is up giving a speech about her character and Drama can't take it. He calls her down to talk and reluctantly she tells the crowd to hang on and does. He says she's been cheap, sexing up the character. She wants to know why he's always been mean to her since day 1. He says he hasn't. She says she always had a crush on him. He can't believe it, then admits he always had a crush on her, he just acts mean so he wouldn't get rejected. She wishes she knew that. He says not to talk and kisses her and all the dorks crowded around cheer them. He gives the victory call, they cheer again and they kiss again.
Eric and Turtle run into RJ questioning Jesse Jane. They want to talk. RJ says he doesn't like Vince and will bury him. Eric asks what'll take to make this right. He says $350,000 in cash. Eric says he's really starting to piss him off and he'll take care of him. RJ says Oliver Stone chased him with an axe after he trashed "Alexander", he isn't scared of him. Turtle threatens him and he backs off. Jesse asks what his problem is. Eric says he doesn't like Vince. They say she should show him some love. They try to sell her into saving Aquaman, but she likes Vince and she'll do it for him.
Back at the room Drama is psyched he made $3800 and he'll be going to the Phoenix Con with Vanessa. Eric says they need to show RJ love, but not by them, he has friends who will. Vince is there getting high and admits he blew Mandy off.
Jesse and the pussy patrol go up to RJ's room in their full leather outfits. They say they are there to save Aquaman. He lets them in and is in shock. Right after he posts some glowing review for Aquaman and Vince on his site. Shauna finds out and can't believe it changed so fast.
Vince and Mandy are doing their first appearance together. She wants to know why he blew her off. He says he got the time wrong. She knows he's lying. He says he isn't, he just can't deal with her fiancé. He'll just do the job. She will too. Then they go out on stage and kill. Eric and Shauna are impressed. Ari calls and he read RJ's site, great job. He wants to talk to Drama. Drama refuses, then reluctantly agrees. Ari tells him he's got 4 hours to get back, U2 added another show and he's got him nosebleed seats like he likes it. Drama is psyched and knows they are good seats.
At the show U2 are playing "City of Blinding Lights". It looks like the guys are far away, but the closer shot reveals they are in the 4th row. In the middle of the song Bono wishes Johnny Drama a happy birthday. Drama can't believe it. Then they go into "Vertigo" and it ends.
18 - The Bat Mitzvah. Vince is in front of a blue screen
raised up on wires with Mandy as Cameron sets it up in the control room and is
able to listen in. Vince asks Mandy if she's still mad at him for missing
dinner. Cameron doesn't know they had a history. She doesn't want to talk about
it. He says they need something to talk about while they are up there.
Cameron says everything, including Storm the seahorse, will be CGI. Eric says that soon they won't need actors. Cameron says in 5 years they won't need actors. Eric looks sick. Mandy says she had a fight about Chris, the engagement is a problem. Vince doesn't want to talk about that. Cameron can't believe they don't realize they are miced. The same thing happened on True Lies where he heard Tom Arnold thought he would be governor. A crew man comes in and says the hovercraft won't hover, Cameron isn't happy and leaves. He tells Eric that Vince's relationship better not screw up his film with the $8 million they are making between the two of them. Mandy says she wants them to be open so Vince says he hasn't gotten over her and still has feelings about her. Eric is listening in and is stunned.
The guys are going to Ari's daughter's Bar Mitzvah and have to pick out suits. Eric says to Vince first he lied about his relationship, never said he proposed, now he isn't over her, how can he trust him? Vince says to worry about his career and Eric says this is both of their careers. Drama can't find a suit under $2,000 and Vince says not to worry since he's buying. Turtle doesn't like any of them and Eric says he can't go wearing a Knicks jersey and Turtle says he thought he would. They goof on Eric for not buying anything and he says he won't let men pick out his clothes and will buy clothes himself at men's warehouse. Vince asks what tie he should wear. Terrence's daughter Sloan is there says he should wear the blue. Eric remembers everything about Sloan and Vince can't remember anything about her. Sloan asks about Eric's engagement. Eric says he was getting engaged, but now it's off and she seems to connect with Eric. Now Eric wants to buy a suit now since she isn't engaged. Vince can't believe he was engaged too.
Ari comes home from jogging and his daughter is reading a Jewish book. He tells his wife that her voice is getting worse and asks whose car is out front. She says Terrence. He asks why. She says to go find out. He is flipping that his old partner is in the backyard. He lives 3 blocks away and hasn't visited in 5 years, he should be worried. She says he's no longer his partner and he'll throw the old fuck into the pool.
Outside Terrence tells Ari that Sloan can't stop raving about Vince after running into him. He says Ari's daughter is growing up so fast and can't believe she is about to become a woman. He wants to meet Vince because Sloan is never wrong about these things. When she was 8 she saw Johnny Depp in Platoon and said he was going to be a big star. Ari can't believe he let her watch Platoon when she was 8. He says Oliver Stone showed it to her, he wanted feedback. Ari says he's know Vince for 5 years and he will be a big star. Terrence doesn't care what Ari thinks, he wants to arrange a sit down with him. He gives him a gift before he goes, a check for $50,000 for Sarah. He didn't want it to get mixed up with the other gifts.
Turtle and Drama are all dressed up and Drama is hitting the pot pipe and doesn't want them to eat before the go to the party. He says there is too much food there and he can't eat or he'll ruin his appetite. He says it'll be like jacking off before banging a supermodel. Eric has a $3,000 dollar suit on and they goof on him. Drama says he's heading for a heartbreak. He says his hair is shining. Drama says he smells like Mangos. Eric sells not to smell him. They say they know him. Drama says the suit is a good investment since Sloan must be worth $100 million. They know he likes to fall in love with girls on the first shot. They tell him he should kill himself if this doesn't work out. Vince says he knows him that's why. Eric says like they know Vince. The guys want to know why he's hasselling Vince. Eric says for Vince to tell them. Vince says he didn't want to talk in front of them and he's a real dick. Turtle says since when are they "them"?. Drama says Eric will be Vince's brother next. Now no one wants to go to the party. Vince says fine, spill it. So Eric says Vince told Mandy he was still in love with her in front of Cameron. They are stunned and Turtle says that's why he should've gotten her off the film, if it fails it's all Eric's fault. Vince says he was going for Sloan, but since Eric called her can have her.
In the car Eric wants to bring it on, Vince doesn't need to back off. Turtle tells him he's waking a sleeping giant. Vince accepts the challenge, so each will make a move for her. Eric says Vince doesn't even remember her. He says so what? Drama offers him a joint hit, but Eric refuses, smart move he says. Turtle says getting Vince laid will get his mind off Mandy.
At Sarah's Bar Mitzvah Ari says Terrence's relatives worked with the Nazis. Ari says to his wife that she hates Terrence's wife, actress Melinda Clarke, but she says doesn't hate anyone. She tells Melinda that playing a raging bitch on TV suits her. Melinda tells her that if she didn't quit acting at 25 she might've gotten the roll. She needs a drink, so does Terrence.
Ari's wife asks why Vince came with 3 dates. Ari says that's how he moves, it's a package deal and he has the caterer cover it. Eric says Ari looks like something from Guys & Dolls. Ari tells them to eat up it's $500 a head and ask them why they missed Temple. Drama says he thought that was for Jews only. Ari tells Turtle to smoke some more weed, he's starving. Sarah thanks Vince for coming, he says he wouldn't miss it and she looks beautiful. She says Vince looks beautiful too and then gets embarrassed.
Turtle and Drama are at a different table. Vince spots Sloan and says he's going over to ask her to dance unless Eric wants to, but that's right he doesn't dance. Eric says he has a leg up training 20 years for the Saturday Night Fever remake. Vince says it's payback for him telling the guys about Mandy. Eric says now it's revenge. He's going over and Eric goes with him. An old Jewish guy at the table keeps asking Drama what show he was on. He tells him Viking Quest very loud, but he can't hear. Turtle asks the waitress about dinner. She says didn't they get appetizers at Temple? They missed it. She says it's going to be a long time. Turtle says he'll kill Drama.
Vince starts to remember details about Sloan and asks her what she was up to. She says managing an Italian restaurant in Italy. Vince goes to embarrass Eric by saying he managed one too, a Sabarro's in the mall. She says she loves Sabarro's, great sauce. She wants Vince to talk to her dad and he agrees. Vince tells Eric he's already meeting the family. Eric says he's annoying him.
Ari wants to make an announcement about Sarah. When she was born he wanted a boy. He didn't have any sisters, didn't know what to expect. Now she has changed his life. Melinda tells Vince how she just saw Head On and absolutely loved it. Ari keeps talking and Terrence comes over to meet Vince. Terrence asks when they last time they met was and he says at last year's Christmas party. Eric takes Sloan to the bar so they can talk. Ari says Sarah jumped into the bed with them just to be near them and hopes she always will. He invites the grandfather to come up and cut the bread, then he starts to lose it when he sees Vince and Terrence talking. As grandpa is heading up to the stage Ari changes his mind and says to let Sarah's star guest Vinny Chase come up. Ari's wife is horrified, grandpa is confused and the guests are surprised.
Vince heads up and 2 guys bring out an 8 feet long piece of bread. Turtle says imagine the hero they could make with that. He cuts it and says for DJ Quik to hit the music. Ari's wife wants to light the candles and Ari says there's no better way to kill a party than 30 minutes of lighting candles. Vince dances with Sarah and Turtle asks for food. The waitress asks what they ordered. She says they didn't and they'll take anything. They get stuck with a vegetarian meal. Turtle offers the old guy $100 for his dinner, but he can't hear. Sloan wants to dance with Eric, but he doesn't dance. Vince comes over and talks to Eric, says Eric is a great dancer, just insecure, he says he lied about his past, but he saw Mandy he fell back with her, what can he do? Eric says to forget her. Vince says is this as his friend or manager? He says both, it's best for the movie.
Turtle and Drama sneak to the kitchen looking for some meat. Drama hits on the waitress and Turtle says to ignore him. She says she knows what they need. Vince goes back to Sloan and says Eric wants Vince to dance with her to teach him some moves. Ari flips that Terrence is pimping out his daughter to get Vince. He wants Sarah to dance with Vince again. Sarah says he's embarrassing her. Ari's wife flips and Ari says remember Bill & Ted? Terrence said he'll take Keanu and you get the other guy. Ari's wife says he idolized Terrence since he was 20 and let him take advantage of him ever since. Ari says she's right. She says stop it now, be a man. Ari goes over to Terrence who is dancing with Melinda. Terrence doesn't want to stop, but Ari says right now. Terrence says it better be good.
The waitress asks Turtle for a joint and takes them outside to the kids buffet and they are psyched - pizza, mac & cheese, hot dogs. Ari says Vince is his guy, he started with him and he won't let him take Vince away. Terrence says when he started the company in 1971 every client belonged to every agent. Ari says he's a partner and Vince is his. Terrence says he's had many partners and they don't always last and leaves him.
Turtle and Drama are eating by the pool and a kid next to them asks for a light for his joint. They can't believe it and warn him it's a gateway drug that leads to crack. They don't want a lecture. Drama says it leads to you giving handjobs to score. The kid asks which of them did that. Turtle points to Drama. He tells Drama to shut up old man and give him a light or he'll tell his dad Drama put his hand on his knee.
Outside Sloan asks Vince about Eric. Vince says he's a great guy, he recommends him, but he is probably mad at him for working her. She says she doesn't date actors and she told him that at the Christmas party. Vince then gets a call. Eric is mad Vince left with Sloan. Turtle says he hears tennis courts are where they go to screw. Eric says he might never talk to Vince again. Turtle says not to get mad, it's like getting mad at the bull for showing his horns. Sloan comes back to Eric and he's surprised. She says Vince got a call from Mandy. He is upset. She says Vince told her he would react that way, to lighten up and he said he was his best friend since childhood and to drag him on the dance floor. She does and Eric is stunned.
Outside Mandy pulls up to Vince. He is surprised she called. She says Chris and her are now separated. Vince says if she needs a friend…she says she has friends. Since they are being up front, she hasn't gotten over him either. He is happy and asks if she wants to go for coffee. She agrees and he gets in. Drama and Turtle are outside smoking weed as they drive by and ask if that was Vince and if that was Mandy?
19 - Blue Balls Lagoon. Turtle and Drama are rehearsing Drama's MOW script poolside. Turtle won't hug him as it says to in the script. Drama says to read it like Brooke Shields would. Drama says Brooke is the first girl he ever seriously jerked off to and Turtle says to tell her that. Drama says she is only married to a writer, she'd rather have an actor like him.
The guys are heading over to Terrence's. They ask if Eric's going to see Sloan. He says no, this is business. They ask Vince about getting in so late last night. He says not to beat around the bush, so they ask what the hell is up with him and Mandy. He says she dumped Chris and they are together and he couldn't be happier. It's her birthday tomorrow and he has to do something special. Eric says flowers, he's only been with her 24 hours. Drama says he should've waited to date her a week, it would've save him some money. He once dumped a girl before valentine's and got back together after - saved him some dough.
At Terrence's they join him in skeet shooting. Terrence wants Vince to have a private meeting at his restaurant. Vince wants to bring Mandy and the guys to meet the family. Terrence doesn't mind, but the guys do. Drama says he'll bring Brooke, to prepare for their love scene. Terrence says he used to go with Ann-Margret and wants the guys to shoot too. They all talk smack and get the first pigeon, but all take credit for it. Terrence says Vince is a natural with the gun, he should work with Tarantino, Vince says he always wanted to work with him. Terrence says how about next week. Vince wants to know if he's serious. Terrence says of course, he has 30 years of experience in this business and the rolodex to go with it and it's all at his disposal. Eric gets a call, it's Shauna. She's flipping out because Variety outed Vince and Mandy.
They have to go to Ari's office. The headline is Vince sunk her engagement. Ari asks Eric how could he let this happen. Meanwhile Drama is on set and Brooke Shields is talking to a guy, he asks his gay wardrobe man if that's her husband, but he doesn't know.
Eric tells Ari it's Vince. Ari says that's his job, he says it's Shauna's job. Ari says the real issue is Dana Gorden called, she's flipping that it will sink the film. Vince says she's not engaged anymore. They explain that people are going to blame Vince, it's not good for the red states, they'll look at him as a homewrecker. They tell him that they can date, but nothing in public, no hand holding, no kissing. Ari asks him what they did at Terrence's, they should've been working, not shooting. Eric says he offered him Ari's job, but his office was too small. Ari says wherever Vince goes with her to have his retarded friends there so he doesn't do anything. Shauna says no fingerbanging at the Laker's game and they are all shocked. Vince notices Ari has a new Robert Niche painting. Ari is impressed, he just got it for $100,000 from Eva Longoria's fees. He says that's Mandy's favorite artist. Eric said he thought it was Beyonce. Vince wants the painting for Mandy's birthday. Ari thinks he's nuts, maybe he is and to have Eric talk to him. Eric says why, Terrence would give it to him. Ari gets Lloyd in there to take it down and gives it to Vince as a gift for Aquaman. Vince says he only gave him a juice mixer for Queens Blvd. That's how they roll now and to get Terrence to top that.
The guys go out to eat and are supposed to meet Mandy there. Eric says that's not a good idea, what if they take a picture of them. Vince says not to worry about it, there's no paparazzi there, it's just Jerry's Deli. Turtle says they never know where the scumbags hide. She comes in and tells Vince no kiss, she just got an earful from her producer too. Eric sits her across from him. He says she looks cute, she can't believe he thinks that because she just got out of the gym. She tries to make small talk with the guys. Vince is thrilled she's trying to get along.
After lunch Vince is text messaging her in the car. Eric can't believe it, they just left. She says she likes Eric. Eric says this is bad, Vince says he's never been happier. Eric says it's only one date, Vince looks at it like a 5 year relationship with a 4 1/2 year break. Eric says the girl isn't stable, she dumped him and her fiancé 3 weeks before the wedding. Vince says he's known him for 25 years, he should know by now, has he ever seen him like this? Eric says no and that's what worries him. Vince wants to have dinner at a fancy restaurant and Eric says the press will see them. Vince says he won't let the press ruin his life and maybe Eric should go. Eric agrees.
Back to Drama at the MOW script reading. The director announces that Joe Montagna has dropped out. But it will be OK. A guy is sitting next to Brooke and Drama tells the guy the AD wants to see him so Drama can move in and talk to Brooke. He wants to know about the scene they are doing, he's playing Little Rick. He also comments on her not having any jewelry, just like him. He asks how she would feel about a little kiss. She says he's playing her brother. He didn't know since hadn't gotten the whole script.
Eric goes out to dinner with Sloan. She says he should see her dad when he did crossbow, boxing and used he beat people with his bare knuckles. He asks if he was on the Oxford team. She says he doesn't know him, in truth her dad dropped out of high school. He can't believe it for someone so polished. She says not to fear him, he likes Eric. He is shocked because he didn't say anything to him today. She says that's because she likes him.
Vince and Turtle are eating pizza and Vince asks if Eric asked about Mandy's party. He finally admits he told him he was disinvited. Vince says it wasn't true. Turtle asks if he should reinvite him, he says no, only if he asks. Turtle says that's real mature and Vince has been acting like a child over this. Drama shows up with all of Brooke's early movies - Blue Lagoon, Endless Love, The Muppets Take Manhattan - he's going to have a marathon.
Sloan tells Eric that Vince slept with all of her friends and never told them he loved them and if he never did that, he must really be in love this time. He says Vince has sure been acting goofy enough. He even bought her a Niche painting for her birthday. Sloan says that's incredible, it's quite expensive. He says Ari gave it to him off his wall. She says it's a fake then. Ari is notorious for hanging fakes in his office to impress his clients. Eric can't believe it. She says her dad told her Ari changed the model number on his wife's Mercedes so she thought she had a more expensive car. He shouldn't be fighting with his best friend over a girl, especially one he's not interested in and he should go to the party at her dad's. He agrees and invites her with him.
Eric goes to Ari's with the painting. He says Vince was offered $300,000 for the painting and he'll split it with him. Ari says he's not into the money, he's into the art. Eric says he knows it's fake. Ari says define fake, like when Vince told him he was his agent. Eric asks what that means. He says he went behind his back and got a meeting with Tarantino. Eric says so what, it was his boss who got the meeting, he didn't sneak around just because he couldn't get the meeting. Ari says he could've gotten it, his six year old could've gotten it. Eric says his kid could've painted this too. Ari says no one knows where Tarantino is or what he wrote. He's probably in some Tai hotel surrounded by hookers writing a script about an Asian king who's a dyke. Does Vince want to do that? Eric says if it's a good role. He's leaving to get the painting appraised and does he want to stop him? Ari asks if Vince knows. He says not yet and if he doesn't fix it he'll tell his wife she's driving a 500, not a 600. He drops the painting and leaves.
Ari runs home with the painting as he has the original over the mantle. His wife asks what he's doing, that's her anniversary present. He says no, this is and opens the painting to show her the fake, passing off as real.
Drama is doing his big scene with Brooke. She is upset about a death and is crying. He is comforting her and holding her close. She suddenly walks off the set and tells the director that Drama is hard. He tries to hide his erection and even Turtle is embarrassed.
At the party for Mandy Vince asks Turtle why Ari has the painting. He doesn't know, but he'll be there. Terrence says the wine he has is from 1959 from his private collection. Drama needs a drink because he was fired. Terrence says lots of big actresses & actors got fired. It's what you do after that counts. Mandy says she was fired from a TV show that shall remain nameless. Vince says Roswell. Turtle says he never worked. Terrence has to leave early to his 18 month old son Beckett who keeps him awake crying.
Sloan and Eric arrive with the painting and Sloan and Mandy know each other from boot camp. They all got her presents and Mandy is overwhelmed. She's forgotten what a family they were and they've really made her feel welcome. Turtle and Drama got her the Viking Quest series on DVD. She opens the painting and is blown away that he remembered and can't accept it. He says he remembers everything about her, but it's Nich, not Niche, like Ari told him. She says Niche and Eric and Sloan agree. She is so glad to be a part of the family again and they toast her and Vince.
20 - Good Morning Saigon. The guys, minus Vince pull up in front of a café. Ari calls Eric, he's running. He says if Vince doesn't show up for the physical today, he's not Aquaman. No one knows where he is, but Eric is on it. He hangs up on him and Ari spots a hot mom and says "got milf?"
Vince shows up and they already ate. They tell him he screwed up by showing up late since he missed the physical. He has 4am wake up for the film, will he make those? Vince says he will, sporting a long sleeve Cult shirt. Eric says he has weapon training for Aquaman today and Vince says he's house hunting with Mandy, can't they put it off for an hour? Eric then admits the Maseratti was stolen. Vince asks who's irresponsible now?
They go to an impound lot to look for the car. Drama says the car never runs the same after it's stolen, it's like a guy being with your girl. Ari gets a call from Barbara Miller, an agent who is pissed about Vince because she's worked 10 years on this film. She also says Ari used to work for her and accused her of sexual harassment so she wouldn't fire him. Shauna calls up Eric, she's pissed off too. There's a 3 page spread of Vince and Mandy in Us Weekly this week. Eric says Vince won't let the press dictate his life. She says these pictures look like they posed for them. Ari calls and Eric says he knows about the pictures. Ari says it's not about the pictures, he must get there in 30 minutes. He asks Eric how can he be so calm when he's screwing everything up. They are going to hell, so bring sunblock. Eric quickly departs the impound lot and tells the guys to make sure Vince shows up on time.
Eric arrives and Lloyd says not to go to Ari's office, to the War Room, it's really the conference room. Everyone is waiting, including Mandy's people. Ari says to use word association. Eric meets her agent, music agent, publicist and Barbara. She asks who is running this thing, Ari says her, she's got the biggest cock in the room. Barb says we haven't seen Eric's.
The guys are driving the car and listening to a rap CD and they like it. It turns out that the guy who stole the car left his demo CD inside with the name Saigon and phone number on it. They really like it and goof on Drama for not knowing anything about rap. He tries to pretend he's OG, but Turtle says t he last thing he bought was Kid N Play box said. Turtle says the song would be perfect for the end credits of Queens Blvd. Vince agrees, but he won't pitch it to Walsh, he's crazy, Turtle can do it.
Meanwhile Mandy's people are upset because Mandy missed a meeting, it's the first one she missed in 15 years. Eric asks if that's what it's all about? It's under control, he's in love he can't reel him in. They'll keep Mandy in control, he'll keep Vince under control. He gets up to leave and Barb asks if he wants to be making pizza again. Ari admits he filled them in. Eric says he's known Vince since he was 6 and he doesn't care who they are, he won't talk to strangers about his friend. He tells Ari if he ever sandbags him again it'll be big trouble. Ari says it's already trouble, he got a call. Eric asks about what. He tells him he must promise not to tell Vince first. He agrees. James Cameron called and told him Vince is replaceable. Eric leaves with his head down. At the last second Barbara sticks her foot in the elevator and apologizes to him. Eric says he came down hard too. She asks if he has other clients, she has 100, look how worried she is about one, how worried should he be?
Turtle goes to see Walsh about the CD for Queens Blvd. Drama wants his scenes put back in. They go to Walsh's hotel room and Billy says he picked the whole soundtrack out already - it's all Sitar. Turtle says no way, it won't work. Drama says his liquor store scene will win a spirit award. He doesn't care about it getting released, he wants it to be the best movie it can be. He picked it all out, he doesn't want his head messed up. He says if Drama gives him his watch, he'll put Drama's liquor store scene in and listen to the CD, so Drama does and busts him that the scene was already back in. He loves the song, says it'll go over the end credits. That's what Turtle said, he's got $10,000 for music, who owns the rights? Turtle now has to figure it out how to swing it.
Vince is testing the Aquaman claw gun and not doing well. The trainer says he's killed 17 whales and 4 dolphins. Eric shows up an hour late and Vince chides him, he says it was some meeting. Eric tells him to focus, he's not doing well. Vince says they just invented the thing, no one has used it. Whales are the biggest target, of course he hit them. They are Aquaman's biggest friend, that's the problem. He tells him to stop crying. Vince asks him what's up. He says everyone is upset he missed the physical including Mandy's people. Vince says it was Mandy's fault her alarm didn't go off. He can't believe they discussed his personal life, but Eric told them to fuck off. Vince is happy, they are in it together. Vince asks what else is going on. Eric confesses he promised Ari he wouldn't tell him, but he had his fingers crossed. He won't screw his career up over a girl, any girl. Eric tells him Cameron said he can be replaced. Vince is bummed.
Turtle and Drama go looking for Saigon. Drama says they should be packing heat. Turtle says he doesn't own a gun. He says he wants nunchucks. They go to Saigon's house and his mom asks what they are selling. They tell him they are there to make him rich, they are music people. She says what would Saigon be doing there at 3:30 on a Wednesday afternoon? He's working and gives him the address on Rodeo drive. Drama says she might've seen him on 227, he's an actor and is she Miss Saigon?
Vince tells Eric there's no way Cameron called, Ari's lying. Eric doesn't know. He says no way Cameron would know or care about a physical, they get rescheduled all the time. They go to see Ari then. They ask Lloyd if Cameron called and he says he was at the dentist. Ari's in a meeting, but they'll wait.
Turtle and Drama arrive at the body shop and dealership where Saigon works. Drama tries to act all black and fails every time. They meet Saigon in the back and he wants to know how they got his demo. He tells them it was in Vince's car, the one they stole. They are bummed, they thought it belonged to the Interscope manager. Turtle says he wants the song for Vince's movie. They ask if there are any brothers in it. No, so they say they'll wait for John Singleton. Turtle says he'll give him $10,000 for it. He says if he can get that money, they can have it. Saigon says Turtle is there to manage him right? Drama says he's an actor, Turtle says he would be glad to manage him. He says if he gets him $10,000 he's got a deal.
Ari comes in and sees how pissed they look, if there was plastic on the floor he thinks they would kill him. Ari says Eric promised he wouldn't tell, is pissed off at him for telling, he looked him in the eye and his mistake was trusting Eric. He swears he called him to motivate him, Mandy never missed a meeting and he's worried. Vince says he'll call Cameron to apologize. Ari says not to call, then admits Cameron didn't call, it's called motivation. Ari is worried about him. Eric tells him they will be leaving him. Vince says it's OK, they should worry about him. He's worried about himself. He's lying like a drug dealer, can't leave Mandy's side, didn't want to go, doesn't care about the film, uld live in a one bedroom trailer with her and leaves. They are both shocked.
On the way out Eric chases after Vince and Vince asks if Ari bought the story and to let him sleep on that. Eric is relieved and Ari is about to pass out. Ari gets right on phone the to his wife who says his mom is there and he better not leave her alone. Ari goes down to the parking garage and his car is late. The valet tells him Terrence called first. Terrence shows up and asks why Barbara was there. He tells him to control his boy, he'll be watching him. Ari is not happy.
Back at the house the guys are eating together for the first time in a while and they toast each other. Ari calls, he has $5,000 for a sexual intervention for Vince. He has someone his sister recommended that can get Vince in. Eric asks Vince what he should say. He tells him to wing it. Eric says Vince flipped out and lost it, he's in Napa. Ari asks why. He's driving north and won't listen to him, he's chasing him in the car right now. That's how bad it is, Vince is driving! He feels Eric let him down and he's running away, he needs Ari's help. Ari says that's 7 hours away, but he agrees to do it and turns his car around. Eric asks Vince if he bought it, Vince says hook line and sinker and they high five and laugh.
21 - Exodus. The guys are walking and
Drama says they have to decide if they are a family. Eric made $200,000 on Aquaman
and Turtle and Drama are broke. Vince agrees. They go to jewelry store for
Turtle to get a gold watch for Saigon. Eric says this family is too old to live to
together, but he puts out all of his credit cards to spread around to pay for
the watch and runs out. Vince says it was a joke. He told them Eric would pay. Vince is going to
pay for the watch and Eric is thrilled. The guys
spot Mandy Moore and her fiancé leaving the Gucci store. They don't tell Vince,
instead Turtle and Drama follow them.
Ari comes to work and Lloyd says they started the meeting without him. Ari doesn't believe him. Terrence is in meeting when Ari walks in and asks him when did the rules change? Ari says it's the first staff meeting in 3 years Terrence has attended, so rules have changed. Terrence tells him no one is allowed in a meeting late and to move along. Ari is shocked.
Drama chides Turtle for driving too close to them. Vince tells Eric he's making plans with Mandy. Drama is taking cell phone pictures of them for proof. Turtle says Vince will believe them, but Drama says no one wants to believe they are being cheated on. Turtle asks him how many times has he been cheated on? Too many.
Lloyd tells Ari that Terrence wants him to come up to his office. Ari refuses, no one orders him anywhere. Did Ari tell him that? No. Then tell him. Lloyd calls him and Terrence wants to talk to Ari in his office. Ari says he won't come up, he embarrassed him. Terrence apologizes and says to come up. Ari refuses and says to come down to his office. Terrence agrees to meet in the boardroom - neutral territory.
Vince wants Eric and Sloan to come away with him and Mandy. Eric says maybe. Vince says what if both of them are going to get married. Eric says it's too early. Vince says it's not too early to go to Paris. Turtle calls Eric as they are on the way to Mandy's house. They are parked right outside as Vince and Eric pass by. The guys duck and Vince asks if that is their car.
Mandy lies to Vince saying she was out with her mom. She says hi to Eric and says to say hi to Sloan. Eric meets with Sloan and tells her what he saw. She says he doesn't know the whole story, Mandy was with the guy for 3 years, she could be telling Vince the truth or not. Eric says he has to tell him. Sloan says she told her best friend in high school that she was being cheated on and she never talked to her again. Eric says it's not right, she agrees and says to promise not to do that when they get serious. Eric gets all nervous and she knows she did it to him because he doesn't want to get serious. They kiss and Ari calls. He wants to know if Sloan said anything about him. He says no. He wants Eric to tell him if she talked about work or anything. Eric says no, why would she, but he's with her now and can ask her if he wants. Ari flips, he didn't want her to know, now she knows, forget it ever happened, unless she does know. He hangs up. Sloan asks what's going on. He says Ari and Terrence are having problems.
Ari and Terrence meet on opposite sides of a long conference table. Terrence admits he misses this place and wants to come back full time. Ari says Muhammad Ali came back once too. Ari wants his contract extended if Terrence is back. Terrence says when his contract is up next year, they'll talk. Ari says Terrence promised he wouldn't come back, so he wants a deal now. Terrence says he's never done that, but Ari wants a guarantee. Terrence agrees and writes an offer on a sheet of paper. Ari tries to peek and Terrence covers it. He says he's never done this before and hands it to Ari. It reads "Nothing!!!" Ari is devastated. He goes back to his office and tells Lloyd he wants silence - no calls, nothing and lays down on his couch.
The guys decide it's time to tell Vince. Eric says he's his best friend, he'll tell him. Turtle says they are all best friends and he's a better friend to Vince than Eric so Eric says for him to tell Vince then. Turtle says no way, they always shoot the messenger. They get food and Drama hopes the cell phone pictures will convince him, but they suck. They break it to Vince and he says he's calling her.
Ari jumps up and calls Lloyd in. He gives him an envelope with the name of 8 agents in the building. If anyone stops him he's to eat the paper. Lloyd doesn't understand and when he talks Ari gets pissed, he wants silence. He tells him to pledge his undying loyalty to him. Lloyd reluctantly agrees. He says to go to each agent in private and give the code "tsetse fly". Lloyd asks if he's leaving. He tells him silence is f--king golden and sends him off.
Vince calls Mandy and says it's all good. Mandy and Chris were just talking and she didn't want to hurt his feelings. The guys don't buy it, it's denial. Turtle says they should kick Chris' ass. Eric says Vince stole Mandy, Chris should kick Vince's ass. They ask whose side is he on? The guys go to find proof and leave. Eric doesn't buy it since they were renting movies together.
Ari meets with one agent who doesn't have the password down and he flips. He wants the password, but he doesn't remember what it means. Ari tells him he better get some good clients.
Eric drives Vince to Mandy's and tells him it was like him and Kristen, it didn't look good. Vince doesn't want to hear it. Drama and Turtle go to Blockbuster to find out what movie Mandy rented. The cashier says there is no way she can tell them what Mandy rented. Drama tries to bribe her, but she won't go for it. Another cashier says he's Vince's brother and he saw Drama smash up that car on Celebrity Justice. Drama didn't know he was on CJ, but is thrilled.
Lloyd calls Ari, it's code red. Ari's on his way to the Hamlet restaurant to meet the 8 agents, but Lloyd says Terrence knows everything, it's too late. Ari walks in and the room is empty. He runs out and tells Lloyd to pack up everything in his office no matter what. Ari calls Eric. He wants a meeting with him, but Eric is scared. Ari says it's all good and races back to work and all the agents say they are sorry, except for Adam Davies. He tells Ari he's such a dick, that's why no one is loyal to him. Ari says his girlfriend offered to blow him. Terrence says to everyone to look at Ari, that's a traitor. An armed guard is blocking Ari's office. Ari says to the room you are asking who this good looking old man is and you should, Ari's the one ran the company for the last 8 years. Anyone who wants to come with him he'll make rich. No one takes his offer. He tells Lloyd to come with him. Lloyd doesn't want to. He asks him about their special bond. Lloyd says no more comments about his race or sexual orientation, nothing that offends him. Ari says he can't promise that, but he'll say he's sorry afterwards every time. Lloyd agrees and they leave together. Ari promises he'll put this company out of business. When they get downstairs Ari's car is gone and his phone doesn't work because both belong to the company. Ari smashes the phone and screams about the car. Ernesto says it's a company car and he can't have it back. Ari goes insane and screams about the tip he gave him at Christmas, when that doesn't work, he punches the speaker and hurts his hand.
The movie Mandy rented was Brian's Song, which is not good. Eric has no comment. They say it's the ultimate score, Chris cries and Mandy moves on him. Eric says there's nothing they can do now, they made their peace.
Vince and Mandy are eating, but Vince isn't talking. She knows he's mad at her, but he says he isn't. She says they haven't seen each other alone since they have been together. He begged to see her because he wants to know if this is real, and not her just recapturing her first love. He wants to know if she's sure. She admits she isn't. He says he is. She says they've only been together 2 weeks. She loves Vince, the way he makes her feel and the relationship 5 years ago, but she misses Chris. He asks her to be honest and say who she's leaning towards. She says Chris.
Turtle and Drama are home watching Brian's Song. Billy Dee is making his big speech to James Caan and they are both teary eyed. Eric interrupts and they want him out of the way. He wants to know if Vince has Ari's home phone number, he can't get a hold of him. They say to call the switchboard at work. The operator reveals that Ari isn't working there anymore and Eric can't believe it. Then Vince walks in, he tells them it's over with Mandy, they were right and he's not mad at them. He tells Eric to tell Ari he won't do Aquaman, he can't work with Mandy anymore.
Lloyd drives Ari home and he's drunk. Ari says his life is over and he doesn't know what to tell his wife. This morning he was driving and $80,000 car, now he's got nothing. Lloyd tells him he worked from the bottom up to get where he is now and to go in there and stop feeling sorry for himself. Ari says it was a good speech. Then " You are My Life" comes on the radio and he gets out and starts singing and dancing. His wife comes out and yells at him. She wants to know what's wrong with him. Lloyd says he's in love and leaves them. Ari wants to dance, she refuses and says to take it inside. He picks her up, gets fresh and carries her inside.
22 - The Abyss. The Daily Variety on the mat at Vince's house reads "Gold Rushed
Out" as the front page. Vince comes in and Turtle hired three French maids
to cheer him up. They have a company called "Breakfast in Bed" and
have come to serve him. Drama says he hopes Ari being out doesn't screw him.
Turtle says don't worry, he's still the least important guy there. They haven't
seen Vince since last night and Turtle says it doesn't matter if Vince won't do
Aquaman, he's got Saigon, he's gonna be huge and wants to see Dr. Dre for
invites. Drama's drinking now as Vince comes down, he sends the women away and
wants to go out on the beach and walk.
Eric follows him out, he knows how he feels. Vince feels like he's been shot, he doesn't want to do the film. Eric calls Shauna to fix the mess with Vince. She says there is no way she can do anything with this, but Eric says he won't listen to him.
Eric goes to Ari's house explaining he's been trying to get him for 12 hours. Ari says he's got in under control, he's starting a new firm and Vince is in. Eric says Mandy went back with Chris and wants him to call Cameron and tell him Vince is out. If he does that he's out of everything, no one will want Vince. Eric wants him to tell Vince that because he's quitting too, he's going to get another job. Ari says he's dead if he loses Vince, the trashman doesn't throw the winning lottery ticket in the trash. Eric says he has to talk to Vince and goes to leave. Ari's wife shows up and Ari says to pretend like everything is cool. Eric can't believe he hasn't told her yet. He's got a plan and she doesn't read Variety. She asks why he's still there and not at work and he says he overslept. Lloyd is waiting outside for him to head to Malibu. Ari says Eric is totally fucked and he can kiss his car goodbye.
Eric has lunch with Sloan explaining he's screwed because he tied everything to one guy and never should've done that. Vince has always thrown everything away for girls since the 8th grade. She says to get a real job then, he says he can't because he dropped out of high school, has no experience. Sloan says she knows people, she'll hook him up.
Turtle and Drama head to a barber. Turtle says the only way to get through to Vince that he's screwing everything up is to give him the silent treatment. Drama can't believe Dr. Dre gets his hair cut at a dumpy salon. Turtle says he doesn't, his stylist goes there. Drama can't believe he knows stylists, but he doesn't. He knows someone who knows someone and to be positive. Drama is still trying to get a hold of his agent.
Ari goes to Vince's house to convince him to keep Aquaman. Vince says he's loyal, where Ari goes, he will go. Vince doesn't want to talk Aquaman, if he knew Ari would he wouldn't let him in. Vince wants to know what Cameron said. Ari says he's waiting on a call. Vince says he'll go to Terrence then. Ari says he doesn't know him like he does. He's in business now, so he wants him to do the film. Vince doesn't want to talk about it. Ari asks what about Eric, he's desperate. Vince says Eric doesn't have many options. Ari can't believe how cold a heartbreak made him.
He leaves and tells Lloyd it went like the Bay of Pigs. Shauna arrives to clean things up, Ari says good luck, she couldn't keep him out of Variety. She says you can't hide the truth. Shauna screams at Vince through the door, but he won't open up. She leaves pissed off and Ari busts on her. She says it's his fault she's there in the first place.
Eric meets with Terrence and he tells him he has to treat clients like stocks. Eric says he can't do that, they are people. Terrence says he's an idealist, he likes that and can use someone like him in his company.
Ari meets with a client, Richard, in his new office, the Coffee Bean. Ari says whatever he wants, he'll get him. Rich says all Ari ever got him was a small role in Ray. Ari says he'll make it happen for him, what does he want? He wants a role in a Scorsese type action film where he can be tough and curse. Ari says he's scaring him, it'll work, is he in? Rich doesn't believe him, but Lloyd interrupts him with an important call. He tells him that Terrence offered Eric a job as an agent. Ari is despondent. Rich wants to go to the bathroom, so Ari has Lloyd give him a token. Ari calls Vince, he says not to talk to him until he talks to Cameron.
Turtle and Drama come in, both are on the phone and ignoring Vince. Turtle calls Saigon, it's on. Vince can't believe the guys are ignoring him. Ari calls again and tells him that Eric's got a job with Terrence now. Vince doesn't believe it and says to call Cameron. Ari says no way, be a man and do it yourself. Eric will be with Sloan in a big house and he'll be the one living in the guest house if he doesn't go back. Vince says he's fired and Ari says it's not the first time. Vince asks the guys if they heard about Eric. They still ignore him and walk away. He finally gets it and tells them to fuck off.
Eric comes home and Vince is walking out, he's going to take a drive. Eric reminds him he doesn't drive. He doesn't care, then he puts it into reverse and crashes. Vince can't believe Eric went behind his back to get a job. Eric says he has to look out for himself. Vince reminds him of all the times he comforted him when he cried like a bitch over a girl, he should understand. Eric says not over some girl he didn't know. Vince asks if it wasn't real. Eric says no, he only wanted to prove to himself he could have her since no one says no to him. Vince says Terrence is just using him to get Vince. Eric says he thought that, but told him if he takes the job there's no way he would work with Vince and he still offered him the job. Vince says not to be there when he comes back. Eric says why would he want to?
Inside Turtle asks Eric what he's doing and Drama is still trying to reach his agent. He'll go see him in his office if he won't call him. Eric packs up his stuff, he's still coming to Saigon's showcase tonight. Eric leaves in his old car, leaving the Maseratti behind.
Eric calls Ari and he can't believe he told Vince he met with Terrence. He thought losing him would wake him up, but it didn't. Ari said he fired him too and they need to talk. Eric doesn't want to talk, the next time he sees him they'll be fighting for clients. Ari says one last time to meet him at their old place.
Drama goes in to see Adam Davies. He's meeting with Pauly Shore who laughs at him. Drama wants to know if he's his agent or not. Adam admits it was a package deal, no Vince, no Drama. Pauly laughs at him that paybacks are a bitch. Drama then steals Adam's flatscreen TV, he was promised something so he takes it. Pauly can't believe it, it's like a bad reality show.
Ari says to Eric they had some good battles there. Eric says it's the last one. Ari says no more battles, he's waving the flag. Can't they talk, aren't they friends? Eric is thinking about it. Ari says Vince is the only client he's considered a friend. Except for Jessica Biel, but that was for other reasons. Ari says here's the deal - Vince screwed up, you told him not to go back and you feel betrayed. Eric says he's not betrayed? No, Vince isn't thinking rationally anymore. He's been his friend since high school, how many people have that? Ari couldn't even tell him what any of his school friends are doing now. When Vince finally crashes and wakes up Eric needs to be there because he's all Vince has. Eric can't believe how selfless Ari is. Ari tells him Eric is paying, he has a job.
At the Saigon party Turtle is all ready, but Saigon is bummed that no major players are here, only Snoop's people showed up. He convinces Saigon it's all good, then walks away and says he's screwed. Only the representatives of all the big people are there, not the big people. Drama says he's the one with no job, he has no agent, nothing and Turtle did a good job. Vince shows up, the guys say if they are going to talk to him, they'll say how they feel. Vince says to tell him tomorrow, it's Turtle's night. He asks about Eric, and Eric walks in. He's not there to bust him and fight, he's there for Turtle. Vince says he's going to see Cameron tomorrow since he wants to do it in person. Eric says he'll go with him. Vince asks if he's going as a manager. No, as a friend. Then Saigon takes the stage.
The next day Cameron is thrilled about the project, he keeps talking and is excited, he feels a connection he hasn't felt since Schwarzenegger. Vince looks at all the posters of his films in the halls as they walk. Cameron tells him Aquaman is the spokesman for the sea and he has a vulnerability that Vince has. The first month will be underwater on wires, it's cool, but it'll suck doing it. He's really into it and excited. but what did Vince want? He looks him in the eye and tells him.
Outside the guys ask Eric if he's taking the job with Terrence. Turtle says of course. Eric says he's not, he's sticking with Vince no matter what. Vince comes out and won't say what he said, but Eric knows he didn't quit. Vince couldn't quit because they already had an Aquaman doll made and tosses it to Turtle. Vince says he did it for them, he couldn't let them down, but he's the one who has to work with Mandy every day, he just couldn't quit, he was a bit scared of Cameron too. They are all back together, but Eric says only if he promises not to screw up again. Vince says there is only one first love. Drama says he got screwed twice by his. Turtle says he's never been in love and they goof on him. Vince tells them the silent treatment was good, but you should've heard Eric yelling. It was like the old days and he liked it. Eric asks if they should tell Ari, Vince says to let him sweat a day or two.
23 - Aquamom. The guys are at an outdoor patio and watch
a girl go by with breasts bouncing. Drama says she is a 6. Turtle says she's
perfect and offers her a ticket to the Aquaman premiere. Drama says he wouldn't
give her a ticket. They ask what was wrong with her. He says was top heavy and
he's running out of tickets. If 50 girls show up to the party thinking they are
your dates what happens? Feeding frenzy. They get up to go and Drama chases a
girl he says is a 10 with the last ticket.
Ari is in his office and runs his finger across the mantle and finds dust. He yells for Lloyd and asks him what's this? It's your finger. He knows the cleaning crew is on strike, Lloyd is an Asian he knows cleaning. He wants him to bring a rag. Lloyd says he's nervous about Vince coming up, it's the agent, not the office and he has a great view. Ari says it's West Hollywood. The guys come up and the elevator is out, so they have a race up the stairs. Lloyd offers them a quarter for parking, but they are good. He knows about the elevator, but there's no one to call. They see Ari and Drama says he needs an agent, Ari says he needs an agent that cares about him. Ari is all nervous about the premiere, but says he's not. Eric asks about Vince's next job. Ari says after the premiere, then everyone will want him. Before he always told him to have a job lined up BEFORE the premiere. Ari changed the rule because it's Cameron and the biggest film ever. Vince needs a hot date for the premiere and Ari says to bring Sloan, she's too good for Eric. Pick the one skank who photographs well, boom. Vince says none of his skanks are good enough for being seen on the red carpet with him. He says what about the most beautiful girl in the world - his mom. Ari loves it - Aquamom, boom.
Drama says no way he can't get their mom out there. Vince says you'll see. He goes on the black radio station Power 106 for an interview. Turtle and Drama are in the booth and Drama says he begged his mom to go to the Viking Quest DVD premiere, what would get her to come out? There are 2 video girls from the 50 Cent video. The girl says what the f-k are you looking at to Drama, but is only kidding. Vince says he needs a favor from Big Boi the DJ. He needs him to call the most beautiful girl for his date. Big says to call Halle Berry and Vince says that's not good enough. They get mad and say that's blasphemy. He says it's his mom Rita. They get his mom on the phone and she goes to hang up if she hasn't won anything. Then she hears Vince. He pleads with her not to curse since they are live. She asks what does she mean, don't do this, she's in a robe. He says no one can see her and tells her not to curse again. She says what is she an animal and asks if his brother is there and has he gotten any work yet. He says yes, but don't worry about him. The girls are impressed that Drama is Vince's brother and Turtle says he's his cousin. Mom asks what is he up to. He tells her he wants her at the LA premiere. She says it's not the forum for this. Shauna and Drama agree she isn't coming. The DJ asks what's the issue. He says she doesn't like to travel. She doesn't want the whole world thinking she's a lunatic, but she hasn't been out of New York in 30 years. Eric says she is breaking. Drama says not even close. He says to forget about the 100 million listeners and listen to him. She curses and the DJ says she's a gangster. Drama knew it. Eric says she is breaking, Drama still says no way. Vince says he loves her, he never pressured her to come out there, but he didn't realize what a big night this was until a few minutes ago and he'll do whatever is takes to get her by his side, he'll send a boat, whatever. All the woman around are in love. Shauna says it's moving, Drama says it still won't work. She says OK, she's coming and everyone in the studio cheers. Drama can't believe it, she better come to his next premiere. Then the video girls ask them to take them to this premiere. They say absolutely.
There are no more tickets, they peaked early so they beg Eric for tickets, Vince says no. Drama is stinging that mom favors Vince. They gave them 50 tickets, it's up to Vince to call Ari. These girls will f-k them. Vince asks how do they know? That's what they said. Vince says to call Ari. He calls Ari and he's working out in the office. Ari asks them whom they are really for. Eric says Vince, he says not to lie to him, they are for Turtle. Lloyd tells him he has an important call. He tells Lloyd he's in the gym, not to bother him when he's at the gym. Lloyd tells him it's important. He says the gym is important, he wants to live. Lloyd says the check from his kid's school bounced. He then takes the call, but Eric is still on the phone and hears this and says to send the tickets and hangs up. Ari says to send him 2 of James Woods tickets, he won't use them.
Ari goes home and gets a ration of crap from his wife. He wants her to give him a loan. She already gave him 5. He says to dip into the trust fund. She says she needs that money if anything happens. He says it is happening and they need it to have a future. He says Vince is going to be the biggest star ever and you know it, but she doesn't. He eats out at the palms 4 nights a week. He says he never gets the lobster though, only the salad and it's for clients. She asks what if he dies. He says she'd like that. She says no, the check would bounce.
Vince goes to pick out a dress and jewelry for his mom. He asks Shauna if it makes him a wimp, she says it makes him a man. He doesn't know what jewelry to get, so he'll just get them all.
James Woods and his girl also have to walk up the stairs to get to Ari. He grabs a bunch of quarters and tells Lloyd they are two tickets short and he wants them so Lloyd is forced to call Drama and ask for the tickets back. He and Turtle are on the couch playing video games. They tell them there is no way he's getting the tickets back and to tell Jimmy Woods personally for him that if he wants the tickets to come over there and get them.
The jewelry girl gives Vince her card if he needs anything else. Shauna says just say what you really mean. Rita calls Eric, she's at the airport and refuses to get on the plane. She's been there an hour and is freaking out, she can't go. Eric says not to do this, he'll put Vince on. She doesn't want a guilt trip and tells him to tell Vince to wear a suit and do well. Eric tells Vince and he doesn't know what he'll do.
Then James Woods shows up at Vince's and tells Drama through the security camera that he's got 5 seconds to give him the tickets. They say no, what tickets, what's he going to do? He freaks and tells him he'll break the door down if he doesn't. Drama relents and slides them through the mail slot. Turtle calls him a pussy, Drama says the envelope was empty, he still has the tickets. He says he's a sneaky pussy. Woods is freaking out and the girl say to watch his blood pressure, he says they've got pills for that. He's on so many pills he feels like he's working for Pfizer. Then Vince pulls in and Woods yells he'll see him at the premiere and up his ass.
At dinner Turtle says to take Jessica Biel, but Vince says he doesn't know her. He says to get to know her and bang her, so he can too. He'll work on it. Drama says not to have your date overshadow you. He learned that from Tom Sizemore bringing Heidi Fliess to the Black Hawk Down premiere. Eric says bringing a hooker isn't a good idea. Vince says he isn't going with her for the press, so he isn't going to take anyone. He thanks Drama for the food and says he's going to change and meet the jewelry girl. Eric says he's bummed. Drama says mom doesn't care as long as no one she knows doesn't find out, she's very petty. This gives Eric an idea. Turtle says he hopes he's not thinking what he's thinking. Eric hands him the phone and says to make the call. He's going to make the call too. Turtle says it'll ruin the whole night. Eric says it's Vince's night, not his. He's pissed.
The next day the guys take Vince to the airport as a Lear jet lands. He says he wants to know how they did this. Eric says it'll ruin the surprise. Drama says he better get mom for his next big premiere. Turtle says he has a lot of time to wait. Rita gets off and says he can't believe it, how did he do it. Then Turtle's mom appears and Eric's. Drama runs over, Vince is happy. Turtle says it's the best pussy night of the year and they destroyed it. They walk over and everyone hugs each other. Drama wants a hug first since he's the first born. Turtle asks his mom if she brought a dress, she says no I'm going to wear this you f-king idiot. Rita is glad she came.
Ari pulls up and his wife is leaving. He says the limo will arrive at 6 and did she get the suit. She says she's going to get the f-king $5,000 suit that she paid for. Then the neighbor Phil walks by with his dog and looks at him and Ari says, "what? I've heard a lot worse coming out of your wife's mouth."
Then it's the night of the premiere. There is a huge crowd and they scream when Vince pulls up, he signs some autographs and is mom is thrilled. Cameron is there and says when you do a comic book character it's critical that everything is real so they had to come up with a way to make Vince breathe under water. Then the video girls are on the side and ask Turtle for the tickets, he says he couldn't get them. One says she got her hair pressed for this sh-t. Drama says next time. Woods is there, he says he plays Avadon, an evil businessman bent on world domination, he's not sure how much he identifies with the character. He spots Drama and then goes over to him in the middle of the interview and says he's the real star and gives him noogies and messes with him completely on camera. Then Vince is talking to a young female reporter who says he looks good, how does he feel. He's glad to be a part of this and Cameron is a genius. She says he is and he's coming up right behind him. Cameron says to have a good time, enjoy the movie, but don't stay up late, reshoots at 8am tomorrow. Vince says he's serious. Ari's wife says he looks good out there. Ari says he's going to be huge. Does he really believe it? He does. She trusts him, but no lobsters. He says he loves her. They all head in and Vince poses for 100s of pictures in front.
24 - One Day in the Valley. Eric is asleep, his phone
rings, he looks for it and answers. He asks why Ari why? Ari says he's in bed,
talk dirty to me. He says f--k you it's 5am. Ari says it's game day, it's
tradition, it opens today. Eric asks what's the projection. 95 million. He asks
what's good? He says 95 million, one dollar less put a gun to your head with me
behind you and he hangs up. His wife wants some, it's been 3 weeks. He says not
until they open. What if they don't open? He says not to jinx her, don't do
this. He goes into the bathroom and pounds the sink.
Drama is making a healthy breakfast for Vince so he doesn't worry. There is a 2:30pm showing of Aquaman in the valley because Vince wants to go somewhere out of the way. Drama says he doesn't go to the valley in the summer. They want to know what Vince thinks it will open at. He doesn't know, doesn't care and is not worried about it. Eric says he is worried. Vince says 50 million. Eric says not good, if it does, they are all working the taco stand on Monday. Turtle says 1 dollar over Spider-man. If it doesn't beat it, it's a failure. Drama says no way, Spider-man has a bigger fan base. Eric says that's the biggest opening ever and isn't touchable. Vince says if they beat Spider-man they are all getting something sick, know that. They want to know what he means and he walks out.
Ari walks into work at 10am and says it's burning up out there. Lloyd responds Widget says it's 96. Ari asks what the hell is that and why is sitting like that, is he wearing a butt plug? He gives him an authentic 12th century Mongolian warrior statue for luck. The only thing he believes in Mongolian is BBQ, but he'll take what he can get. Lloyd says he has a 4 o clock marriage counseling appointment. Ari is pissed and asks why. His wife called and said to make it. Ari asks why didn't he say he was busy? He wasn't. Why didn't he lie? He's scared of his wife. He is too, maybe if he rubs the statues balls she'll disappear.
Drama is filling up a cooler with ice. Eric says they aren't going to the Sahara. He says it's like Hell's Kitchen. If he drinks all that water he'll be pissing every 20 mins. He'll piss in the car in the empties. Eric says not to pull his dick out in his car. Ari calls and says the east coast numbers are huge, they are talking 100 million. Eric says it's early, what about more? Ari thought he was greedy and he'll sport wood at those numbers. Eric asks will they beat Spiderman? Ari asks whose talking like that? Is Vince thinking he's going to be the biggest opening ever? Ari is pissed and says he ruined his day.
The heat is going up as they the go down the street. 102, 103, 104, 105, they call it off to bust on Drama. Drama says the heat is inhuman and wears a towel on his head the whole time. Turtle says it's true, heat does effect the elderly. Drama makes a run for it to get into the air conditioned theater. The theater line is down the block. How will they get in? Turtle says they have 4 seats roped off in the back, all Vince has to do is sign the Aquaman video game. Nice.
They go in and it's all quiet. Then a guy gets up to leave and Turtle says to sit down he's going to miss the best part. He says he has to pee. Drama gives him the evil eye and says to sit and he does. Then the scene changes to a mighty tidal wave bearing down on the beach. Vince is in a tux and running down the boardwalk towards the water as everyone else runs from it. A girl loses her doll and her mom makes her leave it. He takes off his tie and dives off the pier. Then the screen goes black. The manager comes out and says it's a blackout. They can have their money back. Turtle says to give them free popcorn since they saw half the film. On the way out two dorks recognize Vince. What's he doing there? Watching the movie like them. They saw the 10am showing and thought he was badass. Vince likes that. They ask about the effects in one scene, CGI or animatronics? Eric tells them animatronics. One wins a bet. Then the crowd starts to recognize Vince and girls start screaming and grabbing at him. Turtle runs out to get the car and they whisk him away as the crowd starts pulling at him. Drama says back to civilization please.
Then they are caught in a massive traffic jam not moving. Drama says he begged him to take the 101. Turtle says this is the scenic route. Drama wants to get home. Turtle says all the lights are out what is he supposed to do? Eric goes to call Ari, but he calls him first. When Eric says he was just dialing him Ari says that means our love is meant to last forever. Eric is worried with the power out in Northridge will it affect the numbers. Ari says he didn't know it survived the 1994 quake. Ari says not to let Vince know, but it's 8 digits in the west alone. Eric says nothing, Vince wants to know what he knows. He says Spider-man is in range. They are happy and Vince says to get some toys. They go to Ducati and Turtle wants the fastest protection motorcycle on the road. Vince says it's his. Drama doesn't want one as he's sticking his face in the fan. He doesn't like rockets. They say it's from Italy, but he's a Harley man. He had one, he had to hock it Michael Madsen after a few bad pilots when he first moved out. He loved that bike. Vince says they'll go to him tomorrow and make him an offer he can't refuse. Drama says he's a prince and Mike has a watch he liked too. Vince says to the salesman he'll take 4, maybe they'll grow to love them. Then the power goes out before he can buy them.
Ari is in counseling. The woman asks when the last time they had sex was. Ari says with each other? His wife says if he's not going to take her seriously what's the point. Ari says for this money he could get her a pro and do anything she wanted. Then his phone rings. It's Vince and he wants to answer it. She says not to. The woman asks doesn't he think sex is important. He says they have more sex than any other married couple because they all tell him so. The phone rings again, then a third time. Three calls means it's important. Ari says she should ask him what he wants. After the year he had on the most important day of his life she could give him a blow job so he could admire the back of her head and relax for the first time in 9 months. He answers the phone. Eric says there is more rolling blackouts. Ari asks if he wants a nightlight. Then Ari loses power and says he's f--ked and will call him back. He wants the counselor to prorate the session.
They wait outside and the two dorks Reggie & Jay say hi to Vince. They admit they are following him and invite him to their high school graduation party. Turtle says they don't go to underage girl parties. Drama says they like them barely legal. They tell Vince it'll be like Almost Famous, besides with Vince they can get in. Vince likes that movie. Turtle goofs on the dorks for not being able to get in the party. Eric says Turtle still can't get into any parties without Vince. Drama is melting, so they tell him they have a pool. Drama wants in. Everyone says it's cool.
They go to the party and can't believe everyone looks so young. The dorks says the guys are tough here. Drama says he'll take care of them. Then the big guys come over and says who let the dorks in and ask who's the old guy pointing to Drama. Vince says he's his brother and the dorks are his cousins, they were driving by and decided to stop in. The big guy is shocked and backs off. Vince says they can go elsewhere. They guy wants him to stay, all of them. He yells Aquaman is at his party. Ari calls and tells Eric they are screwed, rolling blackouts are killing the numbers. Spider-man is way out of reach. Now maybe only 85 million. Eric is freaking. He says not to tell Vince, don't tell him anything. They'll tell him together in a few hours when it's official. Ari is walking up the stairs to his office, but the door is locked and he yells for Lloyd. The music goes out from the blackout, so everyone jumps into the pool. Then two hot girls come over and Vince convinces them the dorks are his cousins and they should take care of them.
Ari gets in and takes the statue Lloyd gave him over to Lloyd's desk and smashes it with a coffee pot.
Vince is freaking out after Eric tells him the news. He says he got him into this, he asked. Vince says look at these kids, that was us, that's what we wanted when we came here, not the money. Vince says let's get hammered, screw the money.
Ari is at home cursing god and the blackouts. His wife tells him not to blame anyone, whatever happens, happens and it's all out of his hands. He says he has to go to the valley and talk to Vince and he's suspicious that they are all alone. She says it's out of his hands now, let's go upstairs. He says he won't enjoy it. She reaches in his pants and he says he might enjoy it a little. Then the phone rings. He says he has to go and when he gets home he promises he'll dent the headboards.
Vince is up on the roof getting drunk. Drama is wrestling with the biggest guy in the place. Then the guy lifts Drama up and bodyslams him. Some girl is hitting on Turtle, but he blows her off because he doesn't talk to high school girls. She says she isn't one, her younger brother is the one having the party. He turns to her and asks really. Then she says that was really creepy and leaves. Vince is making a speech saying it's the best days of their lives and to enjoy it. Ari shows up and asks what's going on. Eric says he's having an Almost Famous moment. Vince asks how bad is it now, $45? Ari says Eric shouldn't have told him. Vince doesn't care. Ari says how about 116 million? They don't believe him. He says the only thing the blackouts affected were the polling data. Anything but a tornado through the Midwest and they have a shot at beating Spider-man. Ari says the biggest movie star in the world is on your roof and they all cheer. Vince comes down and they toast each other. The big guy comes over and asks whose dad is Ari? Vince says he doesn't know, why don't you throw him in the pool? So the guy does and Ari freaks, these are his $900 shoes. The dorks come over and say the hottest, untouchable chicks want to hang out in their basement. They need a ride, but can't take the Vespa. Vince says that'll never do, instead take his Maserati and has Turtle give him the keys. They can't believe their luck, they have his car. Eric says it's really his. How will they get it back to him? He says take it to the dealership, it's paid until August. Ari gets out, says that was refreshing, but he has to go home and screw his wife. Vince says they need a ride, he says anything so he doesn't have to go home. As they leave Drama says the valley isn't so bad.
25 - Dominated. Ari and the guys are out at a fancy restaurant. Drama
is pigging out on Lobster. Turtle says this outdoes all the meals he ever bought
them. Vince thanks Ari. Ari says he's officially a superstar, number one film in
the country and a ride. Vince wants to know about the ride, but says he's not
going. Ari says he has to go since the head of the studio is there. He says OK,
it'll be worth it to see Ari go mach 10 on the ride. Ari says he doesn't do
rides. Vince says he won't go then. Ari says now he's talking like a star, but
he has to cut out early, his daughter has a boy over, the actor from Young 21
Jump Street. Turtle says he heard he was on Vicodin. Ari says the kid is only 13
idiot. Drama says that's like 30 in celebrity years. Eric says that makes Drama
what, 150? He says at least you admit he's a celebrity.
They get home and Drama stole a doggy back from a guy at the restaurant. They put it in front of him and possession is 9 tenths of the law. That 32 ounce porterhouse is his. They notice the front door is open. Drama was the last out, he shut it. He says he went out first, but Vince reminds him he went back in to get more cologne. Turtle's dog is making noise and doesn't sound good. Drama says he'll go in, the police will never get there in time. Turtle says they shouldn't let Vince go in, if anything happens to him they are screwed. They all go in and Turtle grabs a bat, Drama has a statue and Eric has a golf club. They smell food - sausage. Drama says it's the kabasi he was planning on surprising him with. He's pissed they gave it to the dog. They go in the living room and there's a bald head on the couch watching TV and he says he hears them out there. Turns out it's Dom, their old buddy from Queens. He rode a bus 3 days with Vince's giant picture on it and had to get permission to come out there. They are surprised and hug him. Eric asks how he got out of jail. They let him out. He calls him Ebola which Eric hates. Vince says they haven't been together since 1998 and they can celebrate. Drama says they can break out the Heinekens. Dom says no way, please take him out, he's been surrounded by men for years and wants to see some fresh LA women.
Ari's daughter is sitting on the couch with Max watching a DVD of an upcoming film he is in. He's telling her the director was all over his ass on that scene. Ari comes home and says to his wife he wants him out, it's 10:30pm. She says he's a nice boy. He says nice boys don't have 9 cars. Do you hear that? Silence, he's going in. He runs in, they aren't doing anything and he says he forgot he had company, but Max has to go. He says it's cool, he'll see her tomorrow. Ari says he won't, they are going to Great Adventure. He's going to, he's in talks to take over the Cody Banks franchise. Ari says what about all his screaming fans. he says he loves them, calls Ari dude, hits him and leaves.
Don says while he was in jail the homos would whack it off to pictures of Vince. He says he told him he was friends with him, but they didn't believe him. Drama says they didn't believe he knew the Chase brothers. They believed he knew Drama, not Vince. Vince says he would've paid for tickets for airfare. He says he had a lot of lose ends to tie up. It's hard to have real friends after you are a convict. Eric wants to know how long here's here, when he's leaving and how he found him. He says star maps. Drama and Turtle tell him to give him a break, he just got there. Vince says he has plenty of room, he can stay as long as he needs. Don says enough of this, help him score. Turtle says he'll do a lap and show him his skills. Drama goes with him saying he doesn't need an invite. Eric stays with Vince and says he doesn't trust him. Vince says he owes him. He went to jail for his 2 joints. Eric says he would've gotten out in an day if he didn't slug the cops. Vince says he wouldn't have been there in the first place if it wasn't for his pot. Eric says he would've screwed up on his own. Vince says he doesn't know that. What what will he do when he screws up again? He doesn't know if he will, he'll wait until he does, it'll be his problem then. They are number one now. He walks away. Then Eric sees a woman slap Don in the face and curse him out.
Sara is IM'ing online in bed on her computer. So is Ari, he knows she's online. His wife says to tell her he secretly monitors her buddy list, that'll build confidence. He goes into her room and she quickly shuts down. He grabs the computer as she fakes sleeping. She asks what he's doing. He says his computer is on the fritz, he'll have it back by morning.
The guys return home and Eric is going to turn in. Dom has a present for him before he goes. He hands his a huge stack of assorted papers. It's a script he wrote while he was in jail, it covers the last 7 years of his life, 234 pages. He says if anyone can play him, it's Vince and to guard it since it's his only copy. Vince wants him to read it right away. Turtle goofs on him not to piss the Dominator off. Drama says don't make him mad.
Eric is awakened to the sound a woman screaming yeah f-k me, f-k me hard, you like that. He goes downstairs and closes the door seeing a naked woman madly riding Dom. Turtle and Drama are downstairs laughing at him. Eric says really funny to be woken up at 5:30am to the sounds of someone being murdered. She keeps going. Turtle says he's been out of it for 5 years, cut him a break. Then it stops and Drama says a couple more minutes he would've beaten his record. Dom walks into the kitchen totally nude and Eric says come on. He says that's how it is in the big house. Eric says he's not in the big house anymore. Dom says he's uptight, did he read that script yet? He only got it 3 hours ago. Just say no then. No. See, uptight. Drama asks if there is a part for him in the script, Dom says in the sequel. He says the broad wasn't what he ordered, but she f--ked like a champ. The girl appears and he offers her some OJ. She asks is this really where Aquaman lives? He says yeah and the door is down the hall, so show yourself out. Dom grabs a pan and Drama gets nervous and asks him what he's doing. He says he's cooking breakfast. Drama says that's his job and grabs the pan. They fight over it. He says he cooked for 400 gorillas in the joint, he can handle 4 jerkoffs here. Drama says Dom is a guest Vince shows up and says to let Dom cook and to surprise him with the eggs, but do him a favor and put underwear on. Eric has something to say to him, but changes his mind.
Ari's wife says he's acting insane. Ari gives her line about Max being 30 in celebrity years. She says he's going to have to tell Sara she can't go to the waterpark. Ari doesn't care what she says, say the heat dried the whole park up, the rides don't work, whatever. Sara appears and asks when they are leaving. Ari says he loves her and says it's out of love that he doesn't want her to come to the waterpark and to not see Max again. He tells her actors are bad, he works with them all day. She says mom used to be an actor. He that that's right, used to, now she's good. He can't stop her for no reason. He says he'll try. Mom says it's up to Ari. She says she hates them. She says great, she cost them $50,000 in child therapy. He says that's fine. As long as he keeps her out of an E! True Hollywood story he's done his job.
Drama is mad Dom used his deodorant, you don't do that. He says he's sorry, lighten up. Turtle says he has to forgive him, he apologized and besides he used Vince's. Drama says that's spray, roll on is different. Dom wants to drive, Turtle says he does the driving. He asks when did they become Hollywood tightwads and so territorial. Besides he can't drive with one arm and punches Turtle hard in the arm. He's in pain, he says to hit him back, but Turtle doesn't want to. Eric just watches. Vince arrives. Dom says he hasn't driven in 5 years and he's desperate. Vince says to go ahead. Drama says he's not the only one laid off to Turtle.
The three of them are crammed into the back and miserable. Turtle says five years and he's laid off and Drama stinks. They have no room. Eric at least has a window seat. Dom says they need gas and he suddenly pulls into the gas station. Inside Turtle and Drama agree they want Dom out of the house. They both don't want to tell Vince though. They are grabbing junk food and see Dom steal candy. Dom asks what are they looking at. Outside Eric says not to take Dom to the ride. Vince asks what could happen. He says he screwed up a ride when they are kids and a kid almost died because Dom didn't know he needed a mister. That was a long time ago. Drama then tells Eric he stole the candy. Dom asks what he's whispering.
They go to the ride premiere on the red carpet and Dom mouths off to Shauna, then to Kristen. They both try to cover for him and asks who he is. He says he's Dom from back home. Ari says he hopes Eric brought platform shoes to get on the ride. Eric says he'll be the one blowing chunks. Dom wants to sit next to Shauna, he always wanted to help with the birthing process. She says he's disgusting, Turtle says he'll stay with Kris, she says that's more disgusting. Dom then flips out and attacks a cameraman. He grabs his camera and doesn't want his picture taken. Vince says it's cool and gives him the camera back, he knows the guy and poses with Dom. Vince cuts the ribbon and Turtle and Drama want to talk to Eric alone. Shauna says like it's so important. They decided they want Dom out, they voted. Eric says what happened, they were the ones saying how cool he was and how great it was for him to be back. They say 4 works, 5 doesn't, things've changed. Drama again says he stole the candy, but Turtle won't snitch on him. They say they'll need a mini van now. It's up to Vince he wants him there. Vince gives his speech how he is so excited. Dom tells the crowd to make noise for Vince.
Ari pulls Max away from Sara. He says he's not exclusive. Max says he is. Ari tells him he's gone, don't force him to do it. Max says with who, him and he's nothing 5 man agency. Don't make promises he can't keep. Ari is floored. The guys walk by him to get on the ride and Eric hands Ari a bag, says he might need then. He pops it.
On the ride Eric tells Vince the other guys don't like him either. He says he talked to him. Eric says he's on parole, how long can he stay? Until he gets a job and he has one, he made him head of security, he knows him. Dom asks Ari what kind of pussy name is that. Then the rollercoaster goes down fast and Ari passes out. They scream as it goes into a tunnel.
26 - Guys and Doll. Eric is asleep and his alarm goes off at 6am. He
says try this mofo and calls Ari hoping to wake hi up. His wife is woken up Ari
is on the exercise bike with a headset. Eric says got you. Arie calls him a cunt
mussel and says all you did was wake up my wife and kid. Eric says Vince has the
number 1 movie in the country, where are all the offers? Come to the office at
11:30 to hear them and you have to get up a lot earlier than that to wake
him up. Ari's wife can't believe his insult.
The guys race out to the car hoping to leave Dom behind. Turtle was hoping to make it, but Dom arrives in a tank top. Vince says that's what the hurry was. Dom is sorry he's late and he wants to drive and says are we off to the Jew agent. Eric says not to say that. Dom says he's not a Jew?
At the office Dom says he's been fixed by the state. Ari says he couldn't buy his boy Dom a whole shirt. Dom gets mad and Ari says he doesn't want him turning on Lloyd, he likes bad boys. Lloyd says no way. Dom says if the Oriental touches him he's going to break him. Dom goes in and Drama says they don't go in. Ari says for this one time, he's letting them all in to see his magic. Ari pulls out a script called Flight - Dead Poets in Space, $8 million and throws it in the trash, then he pulls Sandman and says it's about a retard in a red cross tent in the desert - $9 million. He throws it the trash too. Eric asks what's the point. Ari says they all want his boy and pulls down a picture and bag of blow and pours it out. Dom says he's first, but then says it's fake. Ari says they are going to the blow capitol. He's got Medellin. Vince says it was dead. Now it's back, they liked Aquaman, they want him, Paul Haggis is directing, but the only thing is they have to convince Jerry Rubinstein the producer and they'll have to go to Santa Barbara to do it. Dom says he has to clear it with his parole officer. Vince asks if can they go, Ari says as long as Dom wears a shirt.
They go to a fancy clothes store for Dom. He's getting suited up and tells Vince why not take the big offer, Ari's making him go and kiss ass, he shouldn't have to beg. Drama wants a shirt, but Dom's got it on. Vince says he's making good points. He leaves and Eric asks what's up. Vine says to call it off, he's not begging for Medellin. Eric is shocked. Vince is just kidding, he's letting Dom grow and stretching his wings to make him feel good. Turtle says they have to leave to beat the traffic. Vince says he's got it beat. They take a private helicopter there. Dom says with the clothes, being in Hollywood, going to a rich guys house, he feels like he made something of his life and thanks Vince. Drama says he would too if he had that shirt.
They walk up to the mansion and Dom says he should get $10 million easy and he'll take care of Jerry. Eric says not to say anything. Dom says he won't, he'll just stand there and stare him down. Ari is there already, says they look sharp. Drama says thanks. He meant the other guys. He tells Dom not to pronounce his name. Ari takes Vince in without them. Dom says he needs hard liquor, he had harder stuff in the joint. Jerry says Aquaman was great, Vince says Madagascar was great. He'll play any open animal in the sequel. Jerry asks like what? Vince says a cheetah. Ari says they are all great. Then Jerry says he wants to speak to Vince alone.
Ari gets nervous he's been alone with him 20 minutes. Turtle says Vince is charming the pants off him. Drama says if Dom doesn't screw it up when he sees Dom with Vince and they flip out. They all run out there. Jerry likes Dom, he likes that Vince hangs with regular guys in the neighborhood. Ari tried to get him away to get a drink, but Dom already has one. He says get another, they are free. Vince is sure Jerry had crazy friends from his hometown. Jerry says he's from Great Neck and he did. Dom has a story from 10 years ago to say who Vince is all about. Jerry wants to hear it. Vince and he were in the neighborhood at a bar and Vince left with a hot girl and Dom was left behind and was smashed. He went out, called in that his car was stolen and the police came. He was freezing so he asked to sit in the police car. They run him, turns out he has 3 warrants and they have in the car already. Turns out he didn't even drive, he blew it. He called Vince at 3am, he broke open his piggy bank, left the hot girl and got him out because that's who he is. He's like a brother to him and he loves him. That's the kind of friend he is. Jerry toasts to friendship.
Outside Drama says he was the one with the girls. They say he's nuts. Ari comes out, says paging Mr. Escobar. Vince says not to f--k with me. He says he's not, he'll make him an offer in the morning. He thinks he's street enough to play the part. Vince says thanks to Dom's story. Didn't he do a good job Eric? No, he did a great job. They slap each other.
Back at home another girl is screaming from Dom pounding her from behind. Eric and Turtle can't believe it. Eric goes over and closes the door. Turtle says he's getting used to Dom, but wants the room soundproofed. Then the phone rings. It's Ari, he says they are screwed, no deal. Eric says not today, they had a deal. Someone stole the original Shrek doll form Jerry's house from the impossible to break in case. The cops are all over it. Eric says so what, 300 people were there. Ari says 299 didn't serve time, Dom did and Jerry is so distraught he won't get out of bed. He doesn't have to accuse him, when he does snap out of it, he'll remember Dom's jail house stories.
Drama says they can rule out Turtle, he wouldn't take a doll he couldn't screw. Eric says they have a lead, then Dom shows up, he wants more money, he's got a higher price escort service. Vince says he's to take the money from his dresser. Drama wants to sweep the house. Eric says yes, Vince says no. Dom says he's going out to eat to get away from Drama's bland food.
They go out to lunch to talk to Dom. Dom says it's about the girls making noise. He'll get them to quiet down, they just do that because you pay them, not because they are into it. Vince says the girls are fine. Vince tells him about the doll, they hate asking. They have to come to him before the police. Dom puts his finger in his ear and makes a loud noise and says the past came back to haunt him, he swears he didn't do this. He's never hurt them, after all this time why would he do this now? They say they believe him. Eric makes the noise Dom made. Outside Eric says he doesn't believe him, he played poker with the guy. Vince says he did too, doesn't remember the noise. Dom pulls up and wants to go to a strip club, Vince says it's 10am.
At the house Drama and Turtle tear up Dom's room, but find nothing. Turtle can't remember what shirt was on top and Drama says great, he told him to remember. He says he forgot. Drama says to throw them out, if they are wrong, he'll know they snooped, if they are gone, he'll never know. Turtle keeps watch and Drama is digging in the dirt. He thinks he found a way to descramble the pay per view. The guys pull up and they say they found nothing.
Jerry calls Ari, he's freaking out, the doll is a turning point in his life. Ari says Medellin will be a new turning point. His maid saw Dom upstairs. Ari says they have no proof, he might've been using the bathroom. Jerry doesn't care it's gone or who stole it, he wants it back. Ari says he'll make him an Escobar doll, he'll put it in his place, Escbar will be as special as Shrek some day. Jerry has a hunch. He can't go on a hunch. It's what got him to drop out of law school and he hangs up. Ari calls Eric and says no doll, no film. Eric can't believe it. He can't think he's hiding the damn thing. Ari says Dom did it. Eric says where he comes from he can't accuse someone because he doesn't look like he's from Harvard. Ari says where he comes from people who are accused are usually guilty. Eric says Vince believes him. Ari asks if he does. He says nothing. Ari says so you do believe he took it. Eric says they have no proof. Is that all? Let's go get some.
The guys are playing video games, Vince is shooting pool. Dom is questioning them about the shirts. 40% of his shirts are gone, something is up. They know nothing. Vince doesn't wear his size. Ari and Eric come in. They have a security tape of the house. Dom says no way, he's bluffing, he didn't take it. Ari says a billionaire has a security system. He'll play it unless he confesses. Dom says if he is on it, he'll blow him, if not he'll crack his skull open. Ari says he loses either way if he plays the tape. He plays the tape it's Sara's bar mitzvah. Drama asks if he's on it. Dom flips, Ari runs out. Turtle and Drama hold him back. Vince says it's the worst thing he ever did and he knows our boy would never intentionally hurt us. Screw Hollywood, screw the movie if we can't trust our friends. They've known Dom forever. Dom says how did you know? Vince says I know now. He scratched his neck when he was talking to Ari, that's his signal. Where is the doll? He pulls it out of his shoe. Drama says they should've stripped searched him Turtle says he wanted to. Eric says he could've cost him the film. Vince asks why did he do it. Dom says he saw Shrek 400 times in the joint, he fell for it. He was going to put it back, he swears, then the maid saw him, he was going to take her out to save him. Vince says to call Ari, Eric says he can't. He says he should wash it, it was inside the whore. Eric says gross, wash it. Dom says no body, no crime. Eric says he's right. Turtle has an idea.
They cut Dom off, he's given an apartment and a Hummer. Vince says admit it you miss him a little. Eric says no. Not a bad severance package. They go to Jerry's house and put the doll in bubble wrap and Turtle volunteers throws it over the fence. They go back to Ari and ask what's up. Ari kicks Turtle and Drama out, it was a one time thing. The doll showed up, they are off the hook. They have the film, but with the numbers on Aquaman, they greenlit A2 and it starts shooting Sept 8th, same day as Medellin. Eric and Vince drop to the couch.
27 - Crash and Burn. A blue car races around
driven by Eric. Ari calls him. He asks what's he's doing, getting f--ked by a
jackhammer? His daughter tells him to put $10 in the curse jar. He's test
driving a new car, Vince feels bad about giving his away. Ari says Matchbox or
Hot Wheels and when his dad gave his car away when he was 14 and he had to lose
his virginity on the back of a moped. They have to get A2 pushed back 90 days or
else Medellin is no go. Eric says to just do it. Ari says it's the head of the
studio, Alan Gray, they can't make him, they have to ask. Eric says Vince is so
excited he's learning Spanish. Ari knows, he left 15 messages on his machine and
his wife thinks he's screwing the gardener. He says to meet him at 11am at the
office. Ari goes to leave and there is a car blocking his driveway. He goes to
Max's house next door. It's his car, his driver forgot to move it. He says he'll
give Ari the keys to move it. Ari wants to talk to an adult. He can't they are
all skiing in Aspen, talk to his agent or his housekeeper. They stare each other
Eric pulls into the dealership. He likes it, doesn't need it, but he'll take it. Vince asks what about Drama. He says he'll take the blue. He beat Spider-man, what kind of superhero would he be if he didn't take care of his superfriends? Turtle asks what about his car. He says Big Boi is going to play Saigon's track on the air and they'll give his number out. He's psyched. Turtle says he doesn't get a car. Vince says it's better to play the song, then he can buy his own stuff.. He can't believe it. Eric says he's greedy. Then Vince says he's f--king with him, he'll get a car. Vince tells him to put Big Boi on the air now. Right now. Last one of the lot pays tax and titles, then they all race away. Soon after Turtle's phone starts ringing like mad. He doesn't know what to do. Would Ari talk to him? He's hot now.
Ari meets them at the studio. He says no car for me? Vince says get him 90 days and they'll talk. They met Alan who says last time he was here he wanted him in the Warner's family. Now he'll show him how he treats family. He tells his girl to show him. She hands him an envelope feeling like the studio's Vanna White. It's a million dollar check. He can't believe the allowance, but to wait. Then Ari and Eric both interrupt. Ari says he has a passion project. Passion is good. It's Medellin. Alan says that's a good script, what does he need? 90 days. He has a tank as big as the Staples center on stage 5, who will pay the bill? Vince says he's got a million dollar check. Then they all laugh, but he was serious. Alan says the franchise is important. Vince says it is to him too. He says he'll give him 65 days, will that help? Ari says enormously.
Outside they don't know what to do. Ari says Haggis is a TV director he can shoot 40 pages a day. Ari asks Vince if he needs anything else. Haggis? Done. Parade? Done. That's it? Turtle needs a meeting, Saigon is blowing up. Is he moving there? Ari says he's got 5 minutes. Turtle needs a sitdown. He says the juicebar at 1pm. Turtle wants Spago so he can be seen with him. Ari can't believe it. He says no sweatsuit then. It's a deal. Ari gets a call from the housekeeper. He says Max is talking to Sara about a boat trip. She's mad that Sara lied to her for the first time. He says to keep an ear out, Max is corrupting their girl. If she hears anything she'll get a big Navidad bonus. Ari's wife hears and asks if it was Ari, she says no El Salvador.
At the house Drama is bummed. Vince asks what's up. He's the only one not good enough for the gold standard. He's an actor, no agent, no Ari for 5 years. Without an agent he's screwed. Vince says he can't force Ari to represent him, he'll make the call though.
Drama gets the meeting, but is bummed that he has to share it with Turtle. Turtle had it first. Vince says Ari's a busy guy. Turtle says he's hijacking his meeting. If it wasn't for Drama they wouldn't be there. If is wasn't for Vince they wouldn't have stayed. Drama calls shotgun on the meeting so he goes first. Turtle can't believe it. He says he'll race him there and get there first and they run out the door to their cars.
Ari is on the phone with Sara. She says going with the math club on a boat. He's never heard of that. She says it's for smart people. He says not smart enough. How does he know it's Max? Dad knows, he's hurt she's lying. She's 14, she loves him and he can't keep them apart forever.
Then the guys race up and Drama gets there first. Turtle goes down getting the valet ticket. They run through the door and Turtle says he's in first. Drama says he called shotgun. Turtle says that was off site, it doesn't count, he's calling it now. Drama pushes him. Ari is embarrassed looking.
Eric and Vince go to Haggis. Eric's worried that he's too intense. Vince tells him whatever he say "he'll work it out."
Turtle is taking calls and Ari tells him to turn it off. It rings again and Drama turns on him. Turtle says he's got 500 CDs in the car, he needs his backing with the suits. Ari asks if he'll get a piece of the CD sales? No, he'll get him in his acting career. He can act? All rapper's act. Ari's not impressed. Turtle says Vince said you'd listen. He told Ari he'd get him pussy too, fine he'll rep him. Drama impress me. Drama says ever since he was a little boy he wanted to act and be an astronaut. Fine he'll rep him too as long as they can get out of here by coffee time.
Haggis asks how will he turn 90 days into 65? Eric says we'll work it out. He is shooting the movie in Columbia and he had to make deals with rebels, the militia and the government to pull it off. He says he'll have to cut 30% of his scenes. Eric says we'll work it out. Why does Eric keep saying they'll work it out? Because he thinks they will. How long did it take him to film Crash? He's not interested and reads a scene from the script where Pablo's mom spits in his face, Vince loves it. Gone! He crosses it out and says he loved Aquaman, but it's not real. He wants this guy to be so real that people will hate him, they'll feel it. Vince has to do this movie. Eric says he's under contract. Haggis says if he agreed to contracts he's still be on Facts of Life.
Ari pulls up to work and Penny Marshall is next to him. She was just there to see Jimmy Whittaker. He says to do the Hasan Feffer dance and she's got him. She says to give him a break. He says Moscow is impossible to do in Canada. She says they are doing it right, 24 weeks in Kazakhstan. Ari likes it and recommends Max, he's the one she wants. She heard he was difficult. No, he's humble pie, he's his neighbor and has been trying to get him for years. She thanks him and believes him if he isn't his client and he recommends him.
He runs into his office and Vince and Eric are there. They want off Aquaman. Vince want to talk to Cameron, he can't be ready to go so soon. Ari says he's not on it. Who is? Michael Bay. He's horrified. That's how is works on a franchise. There's no script even. Kevin Smith is working on it. Vince wants out. He only wanted to work with Cameron. Cameron signed for 1, he signed for 3. Vince wants out of the contract. Ari never lied to him, he said if he did Aquaman, he'd get Medellin. Ari says he got it, he didn't lie, he can't help the timing. He doesn't even make money on this, it goes to his old company. He says Vince is a man of his word, he's not going to back out on the contract. He knows he'd kill in Medellin, but he can't change the screwed up timing. He's got 65 days, he didn't have to get that. Noah built an ark in 40 days, how much time does he need to film it? Vince says he'll call Haggis and tell him he's off. Ari is sorry.
Saigon is smoking a bong with his boys at Vince's. They are playing his song all day. He says to Turtle it took longer than he said, but he did it. Turtle says he ain't seen nothing yet. He gives him a gift. Turtle says he can't afford this. He gives him a bling emblem that cost $50,000. He'll make it back when the CD breaks.
Haggis arrives at Vince's that night. He can't imagine the the film without Vince and he's got alcohol to brainstorm. They all smoke weed with him, but no one has an idea to make it work. Eric says he wants Vince to gain 50 pounds. Haggis says 70 to be authentic. What if he films all the young scenes now and after A2 he'll fatten up with pasta and film the rest. Haggis says that should work, let's do it. Eric calls Ari to gloat. He says he did what Ari couldn't do. Ari says not to pat himself on the back too hard. Lloyd tells him someone keeps calling from Atlantic about Saigon. Ari says to get him on the phone. Vince wants to take Alan out to thank him.
The next day the guys are hitting balls into a lily pad in the pool. Drama scores one. Ari calls Turtle, he's got a meeting with Atlantic, his life's about to change. Tell Vince 8pm at the Palm's with Alan. Turtle is shocked, he thanks Vince. Everyone is happy for him, but Drama is the only one bummed.
Ari comes home and his wife arrives with Sara from soccer at the same time. Sara won't hug him, cries and runs away. He says she's still mad at him. His wife says she's mad at Max for taking the job in Russia. Ari is thrilled. She is mad his tears make her happy. She'll stay their little girl for longer now. She turns to him with a knowing grin and he asks for a quick BJ before his dinner with Vince and she's disgusted.
Turtle takes Drama out to dinner, but Drama doesn't want him to pay. He can handle it. At the other table Vince and Eric are with Alan. Alan says they had Medellin first, they couldn't budget it for 130 days of shooting. But they got it done. He didn't know Haggis got it though. Vince says they sent him on a fools errand then. Sort of. Alan says he can't do the film. What does he mean? He gave him his word, he's only as good as that. No, it's business. He's got a billion dollar franchise to protect and he can't have Aquaman on screen smoking blow for 3 hours. He has to protect it, nothing personal. Vince says then he wants $20 million or he quits, nothing personal. Then Ari arrives saying his wife thinks he stepped out for popcorn and asks if he missed anything. 22 minutes
28 - Three's Company. Drama is playing the Godfather video game because he's a
character in it. The guys come in and Turtle says it's the closet he'll get to
working with an academy award winning actor. He asks what about the three
episodes of A Different World with Marisa Tomei he did? They say it's guys night
out, give it up, he's been playing that game for 10 hours, even Capone took a
They go to a party and Drama is upset that Ari hasn't called him in 2 hours. Vince says he hasn't called him either. Eric says he will call when he's ready. He then runs into Sloan. The guys say no girls on guys night out. She just got in town and assures them Eric didn't know she would be here and has a hot friend meeting her there. Drama is interested and asks about her, she says not to worry, guys night out. Touché he responds. Then she arrives and goes straight for Vince. She says he bought her a drink a month ago and he remembers what was in it so they start hooking up. Ari calls Eric. Drama asks where his role is. Ari says Drama is on his to do list right after sticking needles in his cock. He says Alan feels bad and bumped Vince up to 10 million for A2. Vince says the number was 20 and he doesn't deal with liars. Ari wants to talk to Vince, but he won't. The girl says to come back to her place and Vince agrees and leaves. Ari still wants to talk to him, but Eric says he's gone. Ari says they don't want Alan on their bad side. Eric says he doesn't want him on his bad side. Or what? Or this? He hangs up. Turtle and Drama want to split. Then another girl arrives and Drama decides to salvage the night.
At home the guys say the girl was so cold. Eric says because they couldn't close the deal? No. Then Sloan calls Eric. They guys say he's whipped. She says her friend Tori liked him. He says he liked her too. Tori also thinks he's cute. They are drinking and smoking pot. Sloan says Tori wants to do a threesome with him. Eric says cute and the guys thing she's talking about them. Eric says no him. Drama asks why isn't he driving over there right now. Because they are drunk and joking. Drama says girls shouldn't joke about that. He was going to jerk off to Vince's girl, but now he's switching to Eric's.
The next day Drama is cooking and Lloyd calls. Ari wants to talk to Vince. He's sleeping, can he talk to Ari? He lost him. He just had him, that was until Vince was gone. Then Vince arrives, now Ari is back. He tells him to talk to Drama first. What does he want? A job. What can he do? He wants him to promise to do everything he can or he won't put Vince on. Ari regretfully does, then Vince won't come on and Drama says he lost him. Eric arrives and says Ari called him three times. Vince says he's freaking about him. and not to f--k with him. Drama says speaking about f--king. Guess what Sloan said. Vince wants to know. Eric says he thought he would forget. Drama says he thought about it all night. Eric says she wouldn't do it. Vince says he would love it, he believes all women really love other women, because he does too. Eric says she was drunk. Drama says she wouldn't have put it out there if it wasn't a possibility. Eric leaves. They say he's going to Sloan's and know what he's going to discuss. Drama yells to push the issue, be a man.
Ari talks to Alan on the phone and says he's more than generous. Ari says crazy comes with actors. Alan says he's going to get mad soon. Ari says he knows it, he's seen him play racquetball. He will personally tell Vince he's getting mad. Alan likes his new attitude, he should've gone solo sooner. Alan then offers Vince $12.5 million. Ari is flipping out. He yells to Lloyd to get Vince on the phone. Alan wants the next call to be a done deal. Lloyd gets Drama and says he's authorized to tell him he can't talk to Vince until he gets Drama a job. Ari says really? Yes. He goes berserk and starts smashing the phone and leaves. He walks into the staff meeting. There are no locks on the door and a guy complains. Ari says cost cutting, next year they will have them. Everyone is chowing down and Ari says the meeting is cancelled and someone has to get Drama a job and tosses his headshot on the table. He doesn't care what it is, if it's a porn where he's gang raped by a gaggle of sliver backed apes, as long as a camera is rolling. $10,000 to the first person who gets a job for him. Lloyd wants in, but Ari says he'll get pain in Yen.
Eric is at dinner with Sloan and Ari sends him a text and says he's a drunken midget Irish cocksucker. Sloan asks what's there to do. Eric says nothing, Vince is a man of principle and feels he's lied to. She asks Eric what he wants. Nothing. He has nothing to say. He says she was hammered last night. She says not really and she was joking. He says that wasn't nice. He says he would do it if she was willing. She's never done it, he's never either. He says he doesn't think she would. She asks if it's a challenge. He says not really. She gets sneaky and says she would do it once with him, but there are rules.
Outside the guys are razzing him about having rules. Drama says no rules. He says he never should've told him. They might have wisdom to impart. He says their only threesome was with each other. Vince says the rule is he can't have sex with Tori. How did he know? Lucky guess. They are going to a book store, but Drama says it was a ruse. They take him to Hustler Hollywood to get him prepared. Drama says to grab a basket. Eric asks what is this Pathmark?
Alan calls Ari. He's flipping because it's 30 minutes early. He tells Lloyd to tell him he can't find him and will. He sends a text message F--K YOU!!! to Eric. They explain to him that Sloan is a good girl, he has to be protective of her. Drama says it's BS. He gets to play half the game and has to quit. Vince says it's all good and he's been there. Ari calls Eric and Drama answers. Ari loses his mind and says he's working on it. He runs out into the hall and asks if anyone found Drama a job. Agents start to hide and Lloyd says he's got some calls in. Ari yells if they don't find him a job by tomorrow they are all working for Lloyd. Lloyd gets a call and Ari says $12.5 million and no one will talk to him. Lloyd says Alan will talk to him, he's on the phone. Ari goes to throw his monitor out the window and Lloyd says it's a rental so he throws something at Lloyd. Alan says it's 4:02 and he's making his own calls, how does he sound? Good. Ari says he can't locate him yet. Alan asks what is he going to do when he shuts him down? He'll have to tell all his clients that the biggest studio in Hollywood no longer exists. Ari is gone, but tries to calm down. He makes fist raping gestures toward him.
Back at home Eric is all dressed up in a sport jacket with a bottle of champagne. They say he looks like he's going to senior prom. His reservation called, it has come through. Vince takes a picture with him so they can remember him before. The door rings, they goof on Eric that the girls are picking him up, but it's Ari and and Lloyd. They must be serious. Eric says he'll call off the date. Vince says he better go or he'll go instead. Eric doesn't want to leave him alone. He says not to sweat it and lose the jacket. Really? Yes.
Drama answers the door. No job for him. He goes to close the door and Ari says but they have an audition. Lloyd got him an Ed Burns shot at 4 young Irish kids from New York and he plays the older brother. Lloyd gets $10,000 if he gets it. Ari reminds him it's Yen. Drama says he is friends with Ed and that sounds like him. Ari says he was young once too. Drama says but no job. Ari says take it or leave it for one day's work. Eric pulls up and says goodbye. Ari yells Vince better not be in that car. Vince says he's there. They go in. Drama wants to talk to Lloyd about his career.
Ari asks what the plan is. Vince says it's not about the money. He wants the days he was promised, he wants Medellin and he'll do A2 for free. Ari says Benicio got the job. It's gone. Vince says Alan lied to his face. Ari says it's over, he's blackballed. If he doesn't take $12.5 he'll sue him and take all the money, cars, everything - even Turtle. He doesn't care, except for Turtle. Turtle is smoking pot and thanks him. Vince tells him he's not doing it, Ari says to meet with Alan tomorrow. Vince says he'll take the 7 million he offered, he's not working with him again, he doesn't want to be indebted to him and leaves. Ari asks where's the manager when he needs him. Turtle says the kid's got principles and offers Ari his joint.
Eric is out to dinner with the girls. Tori says her parents aren't around. He's sorry. Sloan says they aren't dead, they retired to Flagstaff. Tori says it's so cute how nervous he is and laughs. Sloan is nervous too. She says not to be. Eric says they'll have to get drunk first. They got back to Tori's place and the girls dance and kiss in front of him and Sloan waves him over. Tori pushes him away then says she's joking. They undress each other and take him into the bedroom and both get on him. In the morning Eric wakes up in between the girls wrapped around Tori. He's shocked and rolls over and holds onto Sloan.
Ari goes to breakfast. Alan's assistant asks Ari how he did it. He said he told Vince he would have to f--k her if he didn't sign. She laughs, Alan arrives. Vince isn't there and Alan asks why. Ari says it's all good and Vince feels so bad, he'll take the 10 instead. Alan says the pretty boy couldn't show up, damn actors think they run the place. Well it's over. Vince and Ari are fired. The girl laughs at him and leaves.
Ari calls Eric and asks where the hell was he when he needed him. Eric says Vince told him it was all good. Well, he didn't show up for breakfast. Eric didn't know about that, he didn't tell him. Ari says it's over, Jake Gyllenhaal is the next Brokeback Aquaman. Tell that to anyone who will listen to him now and hangs up on him.
Eric pulls in and the guys ask how it went. He says not good and tells them it's not him who got f-cked. They are all f-cked now.
29 - Strange Days. Turtle and Eric are in the kitchen. Eric confessed
he was holding Tori. He snuggled without screwing her. Drama says it's
disgusting he didn't get to screw her. They all goof on him, even Vince. Eric
asks what's with him. He says he just got fired, he needs to get cheered up,
besides, who says snuggle anyway. Only E, Drama says men spoon, women snuggle.
He needs them to go with him to see Sloan because she's having a charity event
and Tori is going to be there. He doesn't want to be alone with them. They agree
and Johnny gives him a noogie.
Ari calls Eric asking how Vince is doing. Vince says the LA Times is comparing him to Terrell Owens. Ari says look where the Eagles are without hi. A2 is going to make Speed 2 look like Citizen Kane. Eric asks if he's going to the charity event tonight. He says it's making him hard knowing he wants him there, but he's meeting with Terrance for the first time in 9 months now, if he survives that he might make it if Eric promises not to wear any panties.
Ari meets his lawyer Bear in the lobby and goes up. Terrance says Ari looks a little haggard. Ari says it's called age, he doesn't live by sucking the blood of his employees. He has his lawyers with him. Terrance says they don't need lawyers, they can discuss Ari's severance package. Ari agrees. Terrance is going to write down a generous number. Ari says they did this before, just say it out loud. 4 million. Ari says he took the company from nowhere to a powerhouse while Terrance was out doing whatever the hell he was doing for the last 8 years. He can take him to court, he's got nothing but time and a rich wife to spoil him. Terrance says to wait and offers him 10. Ari says 12. Terrance says fine, 11 it is and they shake.
In the lobby Ari is going wild and says way to earn the commission Bear.
The guys walk in to the charity event and ask what Eric's opening line is. He says f-k ff. Not a good line. Drama says to say hi to Sloan first. Eric goes over to kiss Sloan and says hi to Tori. She waves. They check the place out and Turtle says the girls work well together and they laugh. Vince says whatever they need he'll help however he can. She says Zach Braff cancelled on the celebrity date, so they need him. He says anything else? No. He reluctantly agrees. Tori says she's going to work on her tan and leaves. The guys say she was cold to Eric, like he had the avian flu.
In the car Eric says Tori thinks he is a freak. He wants to go to the hotel to apologize to Tori. They goof on him, Drama says he's a freak, he's too sensitive. Turtle says they'll go with him. He doesn't need moral support, Turtle says they just want to see her ass in a bathing suit.
Ari goes to where his wife is having lunch with her friends. He calls them Desperate Housewives and asks who's hiding the black man in their basement. He tells his wife the last 15 years were a sham. He has a present, a new, bigger ring. He tells the bride to be he's taking her away and will pay the lunch as long as Joyce still has her stomach stapled. She goes to order Cristal on him for spite.
Ari takes her to his new building. It's big enough to hold 150 agents. She wants to know if he can afford it. He says if they are sexually harassed they can only sue him. He wants her to say yes. She does. He says he'll show her the executive Jacuzzi. She says no way, he wants to convince her, and lifts her up in the air and kisses her.
Eric goes to the hotel and runs into Seth Green by the pool. They know each other, he's sorry about Vince. He says it's cool, it frees him up for other projects. He also knows Sloan, he says he'll say hi to her. Tori sees him and he goes over. Eric says it's not what he thinks. Seth says it never is. He goes over and wants to get a drink. He apologizes for waking up holding her. She says he was sleeping, he didn't know. He just doesn't want her to tell Sloan and for her to get the wrong idea. She hopes that's it. Why else would he be there? Sloan would probably be more upset knowing he went behind his back to come see her. She is a really good friend, it was just a night of fun, but this is more weird. Eric is sorry, he doesn't believe it and leaves.
Ari and his wife come down all disheveled after having sex. She can't believe they just did it there. He says it was like freshman year at the Z house. She says no way with him. He says that was Amy, right. She can't believe he did her, he says she got the big prize though. Then Adam Davies drives by and he pulls her down. He doesn't want him to see them because he screwed him over with Terrance. What does it matter she asks? If he sees them going for the big building he'll know he's moving up and could screw him. She gets mad because they don't have the money for it. He gets up and Adam parked and is watching. He asks WTF was that. Ari says she lost a contact, why not help him look and while he's on his knees he'll get him from behind. Adam says he'd like to see him with something hard in his mouth, then apologizes to the wife and says Ari brings it out in him. He drives off and Ari says it's all good, he doesn't suspect.
Eric says she basically called him a stalker. The guys say don't sweat it. Vince doesn't understand why in the first place why he went there instead of Sloan. Maybe he went down there for the wrong reasons, a different one? They all think he's in love with Tori. He can't do anything without getting emotional, he's like a chick. Eric says it was an accident he woke up with Tori. Drama says Freud says there are no accidents. Turtle agrees. Eric says they crossed swords in their threesome, guess it wasn't an accident. Vince runs off and the guys are speechless.
Eric puts on a tie. Vince tells him to hurry, he's going to be late and can't believe he's the one telling him that. Eric wants to talk, then doesn't. Eric says he can't stop thinking about Tori, it's killing him. Vince was kidding about him being in love, now it's true. He wanted Tori more than Sloan, he still does. Vince says he wants what he didn't have and was that close to getting it. If he had her, he would be done right now. Eric asks really? It's true. Besides she isn't into him, lives 3000 miles away and probably just did it to get with Sloan. Vince can't believe it, he's the one who is being bought and sold like he's on eBay.
They arrive at the party. Vince reminds them of the last auction he was in when a Cuban guy bought him and wanted him to live with him in Cuba. Drama says he never sent the cigars he promised either, he should call. Then he sees Tori and can't believe how could she looks saying she cleaned up well. Then Sloan arrives and thanks them. She wants to take Vince away so the girls can see the merchandise. Tori smiles at Eric, he needs a drink.
Ari wants to bid on stuff, his wife says no, not until they are in the clear, they can't afford it. He tells her to pick a vacation destination. She says no. He says he'll bid on all of them, it's a tax write off. He then runs into Terrance and says cheers. Terrance gives it back, then calls him a prick.
The guys harass Eric and say Tori is like a wild, free spirit. Drama says he won't go where Eric has already been, but since he hasn't been there, he wants to give it a shot. Eric doesn't want him to. Turtle says he has no chance. Eric says he tried and failed already. Drama just wants permission. Eric has a girl already. Just say you don't care. Eric won't, then finally relents. Tori comes over looking all mad. She wants to talk to Eric, she looks at Drama repulsed when he says hello.
It's Vince's turn for a date of dinner and dancing. He says what about dancing? Sloan says just one dance and the announcer calls him up to the stage.
Tori apologizes to Eric for coming off cold, she didn't mean it like that. He's sorry too. She doesn't want him to get the wrong idea. He says it was the first threesome for him, you? She's done it a few more times. He asks how were they? She doesn't know about him, but Sloan was great. He says yeah, Sloan and her rules. She says then we'll get her to drop them tonight and I'll take a later flight home. Cheers.
Eric is in the bathroom splashing cold water on his face.
At the auction Vince is sold as a real life superhero. He has to walk around the tables. He tells Sloan she owes him big time. A woman wants to sample the goods, another is selling stocks to get him, another wants to know how much for the weekend. He says we'll talk to your husband about it. The waitress says he's a hot item. He wants her to bid on him. She can't afford it. He could loan her the money.
A woman can't believe how expensive Ari's wife's ring is. It's so unlike him. She says it's CZ, fake, don't tell anyone. She is all horrified and walks off. She goes over and hits Ari. She is all mad that she has to lie about the money. He says they don't have to lie in front of Terrance, he knows about the money, he gave it to him. She hates the lying and the sneaking. All she can't mention is office space.
Eric comes out and the girls are talking and he runs away. Vince is upstairs with the waitress. He thought about a tattoo many times, but couldn't decide on one. She says her too, that's why she got 4. He can see one, what about the rest. They are hidden. He gets close, wanting to find them, then hears glass breaking below and sees Eric is responsible. He excuses himself and runs down to him. Vince says he's spinning like a top. Eric can't be around Tori anymore, she's making him crazy, she said tonight no rules. Vince says it's good. He says it isn't, he wants it right now. Vince says he just wants her, no Sloan. That's the problem he wants to take her in the coatroom now. Vince says he doesn't do that. He knows, he doesn't do threesomes either and he would do her now. He has to get out of there or they'll see it on his face. Vince understands, he'll cover, tell them he's sick, go home. Vince likes the coatroom idea for himself though.
Sloan sees Eric leaving. She asks where he's going. He says he's going outside, he needs some air, he doesn't feel well. She's concerned and says to wait at her place and after she'll come over to take care of him. He agrees and kisses her, but looks at Tori the whole time. Then he runs.
Someone wins the Dodgers box seats, Ari says the only thing he wants and yells they don't deserve them. Then Adam comes over with something to bid on. He wants in at Ari's firm. What? He knew something was up when he took that dive, so he snooped around and found he's planning on opening the biggest agency in town. He wants in with his client list, full partnership, a corner officer and $1 million guaranteed. Ari says he doesn't like him, he f-ked him over last year and it's not true. If it was, do you really think they could work together? Adam says they are all animals feeding. Ari says his fridge is bare. Adam says should they see what Terrance thinks about it. Then Ari wins one vacation, then another. Terrance says Ari's spending his money fast, what else is he buying? He compliments Adam on his suit and leaves. Then Molly Burns wins the date with Vince. She comes up and is 90 years old. They call Vince and he isn't around. Drama says he's probably hiding. He's getting ready to screw the waitress in the coatroom. She wonders what he sold for, he wonders to who. He lifts her up and she grabs on the rack.
Sloan comes home and Eric's asleep. He kisses her and asks who's here. Tori, she missed her flight and is crashing for he night. She leaves at 5:30 am. He wakes up at 5:20 and goes in the living room. Tori is getting packed up, she apologizes for waking him. He says he was just going to the kitchen and it nice to meet you. She asks what he wants. He says nothing. She asks if he wants to jump on the couch with her for a few minutes while Sloan is asleep. He says no. Then he says am I crazy or do we both want this? She asks if it matters? He's got a good girl in there, she almost let him have her, so don't f-ck it up. She kisses him on the cheek and leaves.
30 - The Release. Drama and Eric are in the back of the car as Drama
is rehearsing Ed Burns script. Vince and Turtle are in the front. Eric says he
sounds good. He feels good about it. He says he knows Eddie Burns from back in
the day. Turtle asks if that's a good thing. Vince says to be positive. Eric
says not to count on it, to go in their on his own, but he does sound good.
Lloyd is answering the phones as they are ringing off the hook, everyone heard about the new place and want to know if they are going to be major players. Ari arrives and says to deny it until the papers are signed, it'll all be over soon. Lloyd doesn't like lying. Ari tells him to be a man, as much as possible anyway. He goes for respect knuckles and Lloyd avoids them. He says Vince is on the way and keeps denying it on the phone.
They pull up and Drama wants to stay down and rehearse. Turtle can't believe he'll have to sit upstairs alone. Drama is getting crazy and Turtle says he's a retard.
Eric asks what is Ari doing, having a telethon? Ari says raising money for fired actors. Vince wants to know what the surprise is. Ari says right to it, eh? He's anxious, last surprise he was fired. It turns out they are pushing up Queens Blvd to this year. Instead of 6 screens where lonely film students will see it on a Friday night for something to do, they are bumping it to 1200, Eric's lucky pick is testing through the roof. They are cashing in on the Aquaman success. Vince says 2 for 2. Ari says it gets better, the Hollywood foreign press wants to sit down today to discuss all things QB. Vince says more notice would've been good. Ari says when they call you come running. Ari wants a favor though, he needs him to smile at the conference. Vince asks what's up with that. Ari doesn't want him to look like he just got fired. So he smiles.
Drama is madly rehearsing in the rear view mirror, then a man puts a ticket on the car. He jumps out and asks the meter man didn't you see me sitting there? He did, didn't you see the meter had expired? Drama says no tap on the window, no warning, it's common courtesy? He says meter red, you're dead.
The guys come back and Drama asks what the f-k is so civil about a civil servant giving you no warning. He's flipping out, saying it's like communist Russia. Eric says it isn't communist anymore. Vince says he'll pay it. Drama says it's not the point, it's the principle. Drama drops Vince and Eric off at home and Drama wants to go get revenge. Turtle says what about his laser focus. Vince says to calm down, forget it, he can get this role, he's always gets crazy before a big event. Drama says he's right, tells Turtle to get in, they'll get some coffee and get started early for the long trip. Vince says see how calming he can be. Now what? Let's call Walsh and celebrate. Really? Yeah, he'll be happy to hear from them.
Walsh answers the phone and he's at the race track. He's doing bad, and calls Eric a suit. Eric says this will cheer him up, QB is opening on 1200 screens. He's pissed off at his horse losing and screams at them ignoring Eric. He knows all about the release, that's why he's blowing all his money, he's depressed. Eric doesn't get it. He's going to slap an injunction on the film so it never gets released. He doesn't want them to Aquamanify the film. They need to talk. He says meet him at his girls' place, he just blew the rent money again and has to tell her.
Ari is on the phone with Shauna. He says to tell Variety he can suck my balls about the agency, but to clean it up. He asks Lloyd if he's Indian now. He's upset that he can see the pimple on his head and pulls out a mirror, he's got a date and it's from all the lying. Ari says his man will pop it with his penis, not to worry and to get his whinny voice out of his face. Barbara Miller, Mandy Moore's agent is on the phone. She says the word is out. Ari says not to worry about her lipo, he hears Dr. Death's scars will never show on her. She knows all about what he's doing, everyone is mobilizing against him and she's calling as a friend to talk about it to. Does he want to meet for lunch or not? Lloyd comes back in. He won't talk, so he hands him a note. Rob Rebina is in the conference room, Terrance fired him.
Ari goes in and Rob's crying and Ari doesn't understand why he was fired. Terrance knows, he saw Ari's name on the call sheet. Lloyd hands out tissues. He made everyone sign an employee contract before 5pm that they wouldn't work for Ari. What's he going to do? He's going to have lunch with Barbara.
Drama says Burns asked him to do The Brothers McMullen, true story, but he did a TV show instead.. Turtle asks was that his full frontal Red Show Diaries? He says no, his three episode arc of 90210 when he sexually harassed Tori Spelling. Nice choice.
Eric pulls up to a huge house and can't believe it's Walsh's. Walsh is walking a dog and says he's house sitting for his girlfriend's folks. They are rich, but won't let him see a dime. Vince asks what happened to QB. He says they killed it, want to see the body? They watch it, but we only see the last scene is in color of Vince in the rain saying, "I am Queens Boulevard." Eric says it's more like Willy Wonka than QB. Now you understand why we have to stop it. If Vince signs the injunction with him, they'll know he's serious. Eric agrees, but they have to call Ari, they just got fired from one studio. Walsh calls him a pussy. One suit, two suits, three suits four, it doesn't matter. They curse at each other and Vince tells him to make the call.
Ari walks in with Barbara to a table where Terrance and a bunch of lawyers are waiting to crucify him. Ari turns off the phone when Eric calls. Terrance says greetings Ari. He says he always knew Babs liked dick, but didn't know she was a cocksucker. It's like a meeting of the five families. He should've taped a gun in bathroom. All the law firms are here, but who invited APA? The APA guy looks down.
Turtle can't find a parking spot and Drama says he'll run in. He gets a café latté and has a card with 9 punches, the 10th one's free. The clerk says they don't honor them anymore, too many counterfeits. Drama says that's all he has, no cash, so they have to honor it or eat it. He says he won't and asks if anyone ordered a latté and a woman says she did. Drama says that's his and stops her. He wants the manager.
Eric talks to Lloyd and says he wants to talk to Ari, but he's MIA. Vince asks what could he be doing, he's got that press conference in 3 hours. Eric says to screw him, they handle it themselves. They'll go to Jamie Burke. Walsh says not to waste his time, he already tried. Eric says if they want to work with Vince again they'll talk to him. Walsh says he's finally grown some balls.
Turtle has got a girl in the car and is tossing Vince's name around, saying he handles the money. Then he sees Drama pounding on the counter and knows things are going wrong. He tells her to leave her number and runs inside. The manager wants him to leave. He yells at him and someone offers to pay the $3 for it and Drama yells at him if he wants to get in the middle dickhead. Turtle can't believe him and says they've got 15 minutes to get to the audition and he's wired enough, he doesn't need the coffee. Drama says to screw them all, he'll get the pilot and come back for his free coffee. Turtle can't believe he's pushing it. They he sees the SUV is getting towed away. They run outside, but it's too late. Drama says to call a cab.
Ari is sitting and they say doesn't think he's being watched. He says are they watching? They know what he's doing. He asks what it is, tell him since they are watching. Terrance tells them to stop. He's known Ari for 20 years, he's a smug little rat and the only thing that shocked him was he sat in little boutique agency for 9 months. He knew he was setting up for his master plan. He wants him to know if he goes after any of their agents or clients he will be sued with the wrath of 10,000 suns. Ari calls him a Hitler loving anti-semite. Everyone should be offended. A lawyer wants to know if it's true. He says it is, Ari is coming back with a vengeance, bigger than ever and he swears on his children's names that he's not going after any of their agents, only Terrance, you cockney f-k. Barbara watches him closely. Terrance asks with whose money? Yours, you signed the settlement papers. Terrance says he did, but he didn't sign any checks and he'll gladly spend $50 million over the next 10 years to make sure he doesn't get a dime. Ari's face drops.
Outside Ari is driving and screaming into the phone to Lloyd to call everyone on the list. Emergency session. Lloyd says Vince and Eric called twice, they aren't happy. He doesn't care, this is an emergency. Who will answer the phones? Ari doesn't care unless it's Carmen Electra for an emergency tittie f-k then don't answer
Eric and Vince are having a meeting with two studio execs. They have the exit polls, 82% positive. It's really good. It's better, like Big Fat Greek Wedding good. They say B/W doesn't test well. The colorized version works well, it shows off his eyes true color. Vince doesn't care, that's not why he made it. It'll make lots of money, that's what it's about. They don't care, Eric says it's an art film, you only know it's good if people hate it. They say they aren't making films for people to hate them, they love their passion, but there's nothing unartistic about making money.
Drama says the cab driver is moving like a snail and he could run faster. Turtle says they are there. He says he's 20 minutes late, he's screwed. Turtle says to run. He runs upstairs and everyone is gone, things are locked up.
Ari goes into his meeting and says good news, they are moving the start date of the Gold Standard from Sept 1 to today. Only problem is, no one gets paid for 6months, who is in? Only Rob says he's in. Ari says like he's got a choice. Anyone else? No one is, it's all BS. Ari says they got paid with paper clips at Google at first, now the guy cleaning the toilets is worth a billion five. Then Babs walks in. Ari says the traitorous skanks anonymous meeting is next door. She wants to talk.
He walks outside with her and can't believe she set him up after all this time. She says she wanted to see his cards, how much does he need? He can't believe her. She wants a partnership. He says he's flying solo. She says she can't work with her ex-husband anymore, she believe in him, he has no money and she has too much. What does she want? She wants to f-k. He looks ill. She says she's kidding and wants her name on top and 60%, he says he'd rather f-k her. She says 55%, he counters with 45% an he agrees to 49% control in the end.
He walks in and presents her as Miller Gold and says it sounds like a f-king beer.
Back in the cab Drama is bummed, he says it was the one, he's officially a loser. Turtle says he doesn't know about official, but he's got to get his anger under control. Drama agrees, maybe he'll take that anger management class the judge recommended last year. Then Drama's phone rings, it's Ed Burns. He's sorry he had to bail on the meeting, he's suddenly on the way to NY. He called his agency a few times, but no one answered. Drama doesn't know why and says he wasn't there? He was waiting outside for an hour. He's sorry. He wants to talk about the thing he's shooting. He just wanted to see Drama in person to make sure he hadn't aged at all. He says are you kidding? He just got carded Thursday. Ed knows he can do the role, he did something big for him by passing on Brothers McMullen. Drama says he didn't pass and Ed knows the truth, but by his passing he forced himself to take the part and it changed his life. Drama asks are you offering the part. He is, he's got it, see him on the 7th. He hangs up, screams, says victory, he got the pilot. Turtle says what about anger management? F-k it, he doesn't need it.
At the press conference, the suits are saying they fell in love with the film. Drama arrives and says he got it, easier than he thought. Vince congratulates him. Shauna arrives, he thought she abandoned him. She says no way. Vince says to forgive him, but he knows what he's doing. She wonders what that means, Eric say to wait. Walsh is flipping out about the poster with Vince in a tie and it's all purple. Drama says to lighten up. He tells him to screw his mom. Ari says each camera represents a million bucks. Eric doesn't think so. Ari asks why? Watch him. Vince goes up and says the film is a masterpiece and he's not saying that because he's in it or to sell them. He really believes it. They will never see the film he's talking about because the execs here ripped out it's soul. Like all studios in this town they don't care about art, they only care one thing - money. Any questions? Walsh yells ' "F-k commerce!" Babs says to Ari what a great start to the new company, huh?
31 - Vegas Baby, Vegas! Eric says Turtle has arranged it for a club
to give Vince $100,000 to show up at a party in Vegas. Vince asks what should
they do. Eric says the foreign press will be pissed at him for what he said.
Everyone wants to go except for Drama, who has to tape his pilot on the 30th.
They can't believe he won't go, what about that masseuse he has there. Ken, he
admits he could relax him. They can't believe he lets a man touch him all over.
Drama says a real massage isn't sexual and it takes strong hands to work the
muscles, he's in. Who will tell Ari? Vince would be glad too.
Ari isn't happy about the trip since Vince has a bad image now. That's why he's going, so when he gets back they will all have forgotten. Ari says what about those scripts, he needs to work. He says he's brought them with him and thought he would read them to him. Then the guys pull up to Ari who is walking on the sidewalk. Ari says he can't go to Vegas on a Wednesday night, he has to go out with his wife and her mother. Then he says move over, he's in, it might be just the thing to relax him.
They drive in past all the sights. On the phone Ari says he's sorry to his wife, he'd rather be at menopause the musical with her, but they kidnapped him. Vince says it's true. A girl comes over for an autograph and Vince signs it, she kisses him. Ari hangs up and says she'd rather see him bound and gagged like a real kidnapping. The phone rings again, he says that's his wife calling to apologize. He says hey baby, but it's Babs. She's pissed off at him that she put 6 million into the company to find out at a staff meeting he went to Vegas. He says he's taking care of a high priority client. She says he has 150 clients to think off now. He says she's not his mother. She says f-k you, he says see, his mom would never say that. He hangs up, says he hates women, then a young blonde walks by, well not all women. They laugh. Vince asks whose got a $5, Drama hands it to him. Ari asks what's that about. Eric says it's tradition going back to when they went to Atlantic City. He puts five on red, if they hit they'll know it's going to be a good weekend, he never loses. Vince goes to the roulette table and wins. Ari wants them to be gambling partners and Vince agrees. Then Seth Green runs into them. Vince says hi, he's there for he same party. He introduces him to Ari, they haven't met, Ari does Dr. Evil with the pinky to his mouth. Seth says not to laugh, it bought him a house in Malibu. Then Ari says Malibu with the pinky. Seth asks Eric how it went at the pool last time, he says like he told him it wasn't what it seemed. Seth says it never is, so how is Sloan. She's still good. Seth says tell her I said what up. Then Drama mentions his pilot. He says good for him, he could use the work.
While they are walking to their room Eric asks what's up with him, he's always asking about Sloan. They say ease up, he's just the jealous type. He asks what that means, he would be jealous if Seth was her cousin. Ari says he's like Eric Roberts in Star 80, Eric asks how does he know. He's heard stories. Turtle says like the time in 10th grade he punched a guy for being his girls' lab partner. Eric says there was more to the story, he stole her frog. Vince says he heard they got married. Eric says really? He says no, see how jealous you are. In their room Ari walks over to the table says the fruit is green. It's the 100 grand in a roll of cash. He tosses it Turtle who smells it tosses it to Vince, who smells it too and tosses it back. Ari asks who he had to screw to get that. No one, he just has go to a party. Eric says no, there's an itinerary. He has to go to a pool party, then judge a beauty pageant - Queen of the Strip. Turtle says it sounds like a bonus. Eric is going to check it out and Ari is going with him. Ari tells Vince to go gamble and win them some money. Drama brought his own robe. They ask why. He says why wouldn't I? Ari says he feels so relaxed.
Turtle and Vince go to a blackjack table Vince cashes it all in for chips. He says 10% of it is Turtle's for a finders fee and Turtle is thankful. Ari and Eric go to the bar and it turns out to be a hardcore strip club. Ari can't believe this will help Vince's image, Eric agrees, but Ari doesn't care, he wants a cocktail, They sit.
Drama walks right past the gambling tables in his robe and goes to Ken. He hasn't seen him in years. He's lost weight, looks good. Drama brought him California almonds, last time he said he couldn't find them anywhere. Ken can't believe he remembered. He says he's like an elephant.
A crowd is around Vince. Turtle cheers the cards.
Drama is loving it and says he wants Ken all to himself and will pay double to have him all day. He doesn't want his hands touching anyone else.
There are a ton of girls on stage going around, Ari says he should definitely cancel this for Vince. They agree, but can't take their eyes off the girls. Vince texts that he's up $2500, then Ari says he gets half and is psyched.
They go to Vince at his table to tell him it's a stripper contest, he's got to get out. He didn't sign anything, just give the money back. He can't, it's all gone. Ari asks if all of it is gone? He says yes. Ari says but they are partners, Vince forgot, he's only down $50,000 now. Turtle's up $1200, he only uses the profits to score and will when he gets to $2000, he'll buy some ladies. Ari thought Vince never loses, Vince says he's not out of the state yet, he can cut his losses but he can back out, Ari says he'll stay in. Eric says to blow the contest off. Vince says it will be fun. Ari wants them to gamble and get his money back. Eric can't believe he doesn't care about the contest. Ari says it'll be worse for his image if he loses a couple thousand. They pass Seth and he asks Eric if he said what up to Sloan yet. No. Why not? Because it was only half an hour ago. Seth tells him to make a call, then one of his entourage repeats it to Eric.
Outside Eric is flipping that Seth is saying he had sex with Sloan. Ari says he got to Plymouth Rock first, big deal, he's been around longer. Eric says they made lists of all the people they were with, all couples do. Turtle wouldn't know it, he's never been there. Ari says he did do, his wife was only with him. Vince doesn't believe it and he made a list once. Turtle says what was it a hard drive worth? He says it was long, but he left a few names off - everyone does. Eric can't believe she would leave Seth off, he's going to call her. Turtle asks Ari if he's calling his wife. He doesn't care if she's f-king someone right now, he wants to win his money back. Then a pack of girls come over to Vince. Joanne, AKA Cheyanne is in the contest, she wants to know what she has to do to get a vote. All the girls do. Ari says they have to go, Vince agrees and says Turtle is his eyes and ears, talk to him. Turtle says it's like Christmas.
Drama asks about Ken's Filipino girlfriend. He says it's a sore subject, she left a week ago. Drama says f-k her, leaving hands like his. He says it still hurts. Drama has the cure, boys night out, cigars, drinks, relax, forget all about it. Ken says he usually doesn't go out with clients. Drama says after all this time he should look at him as more than a client.
Sloan says Seth is so annoying, they were on a teen trip together and he was obsessed with her and followed her around. Eric says but you never dated? No, never.
Turtle has the girls around him. He says it's tough with a $25,000 prize, everyone needs an edge, but he left his integrity back in LA, his vote is 100% for sale.
Vince keeps playing and loses. Ari is watching and flipping out, he tells the dealer not to smirk. Vince says they are down $110,000 each and he is done, you can't force the cards. Ari says he can't leave. He does, so Ari decides to play.
Back in the room the guys are hounding Eric. They can't believe he hasn't attacked Seth yet. The old Eric was a pitbull, he would bite his ears off. He says that was when he was younger, speaking of latter years and Drama walks in. He says to f-k off, how relaxed does he look. Turtle says like he died in 1983. He says wait until dinner. Turtle says they'll have 10 strippers there. Drama asks why? Turtle says you mean how and thanks. Vince thanks him. Drama doesn't want distractions, he's bringing Ken. Turtle says he'd rather be with his gay masseuse than strippers? He's worried about him. Drama says he's not gay, if he releases him on the strippers forget it.
At the party Turtle asks Ken if he saw Brokeback Mountain. He hasn't, he's not into films. He's training. Drama explains he used to play pro ball. He was on San Diego, but blew his knee on the second play. Ken can't believe Drama remembers everything about him. He says he's like an elephant, remember? The strippers walk in and Turtle remembers all their names. Then Seth and his entourage walks in. They tell Eric to be cool.
Ari is losing at the table, then loses another hand an he curses like crazy. He looks disheveled and has 5 o'clock shadow. Then he asks for a marker.
Ken tells a story about mountain climbing and how when bad weather stranded his group in a tent he traded his last canteen of water for a girl. He walks away and Drama says well what do you think? The guys love him like Drama knew they would. Then Seth is at the bar. He wants to buy the Chasers crew Yager. Eric says that's from high school, he drinks Vodka now. He says he called Sloan. Seth wants to know what she said. Eric says she said what up. Really? then tell her I said what up back. His boys say to tell her. They leave and Eric asks what the hell is wrong with those retards. Drama says they are all going to have to fight them. Eric says no. Turtle says Ken's got someone and starts massaging Amber. Drama freaks and runs over. Turtle says she told him three days in her dad's cabin with her if she wins. Vince says he can't pick her if she's going to f-k him. Turtle doesn't care who wins, he made a deal with all of them. Drama says Ken is with him tonight and can't touch her, he's feeling a little stiff.
Ari is still losing and cursing his head off. Vince arrives because feels hot. They are down $270,000. Vince says they can get it back. Eric says Ari is going to get thrown out if he doesn't calm down. Vince wants another marker for 100 grand.
Drama and Ken are walking back to the spa, but it's closed and locked up. Drama asks Ken how he liked the almonds and he says it brought me back to my childhood. They have to wait until morning. Drama says there is no way he can sleep, let's go back to his room.
Vince is hot and draws a crowd. He gets two 8s and splits, then splits again, it's 75,000 on each, now he's up to 300,000. Ari is losing his mind, then the guy next to Vince splits on 2 kings. Ari screams at him that he's ruining their cards. The dealer says it's up to him. Eric says again he'll get them kicked out. Vince says he'll go alone if he wants. Ari says no way, let it ride. The guy takes two 10s and saved it from the dealer getting them, which would've given the dealer 21. Ari owes him an apology. Vince hits again, gets low cards, stays then the dealer busts. Vince wins it all back and then some and they hug. The other player asks for that apology and Ari leans over and rubs the man's head and kisses him on it.
Drama gets back to the room, but Ken says he doesn't have his table. Drama says that's all right. Just use the bed, he'll go get changed. Ken thinks he wants him, doesn't know what to do and decides to strip down while he's in the bathroom. Drama's found hot gel and comes out and asks what the f-k is he doing. He tosses his underwear off and is under the covers. He says he's never been with a man before, but with the adoration he's shown him tonight, if this is what he needs, he'll do it, besides, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Drama can't believe him and leaves the room. He goes down the hall kicking things and buttons his shirt.
At she strip club the pre-show is going on. Girls are getting down and dirty, one stripper spanks another. Vince says they should get a post show ready in their the room. Turtle says he already ordered 4 bottles of Cristal and strawberries. Ari says money earned feels so good.
They run into Seth and his entourage again and Seth he asks what Sloan said. Eric says once was enough for her, he's not calling her back sorry She already told him he was obsessed with her so he's not bugging her again. Seth says no apology necessary, but it as he remembers it was the other way around. She was obsessed with him and his penis. Eric doesn't think so. He says that's not what she was saying while he was shooting in her face like a Pollock painting. Eric goes over to him, but one of his boys stops him. Then Drama enters and knocks him out. Eric, Turtle and Drama all fight with them while Vince and Ari sit back and drink. Ari says this'll be good for your image. He shrugs. 24 mins
32. I Wanna be Sedated. The clock alarm rings and Turtle is sleeping, wakes up,
grabs a joint and lights it. He goes into his closet and has tons of hip hop
outfits, endless sneakers and baseball hats. He tries a few on and settles with
the white Yankees one. He puts on some bling, comes down and asks how he looks.
Eric says he's OK. Vince asks why is he all dressed up. What's today? His
birthday. No. He can't believe they forgot. He's got his record singing today
with Sammy Cain, he can't believe they all forgot and to f-k off. They all
forgot, it slipped their mind. Then they laugh at him, they are busting him.
Drama made his favorite breakfast raspberry frosting with the crust cut off,
Eric got the truck detailed and Drama is going to drive him there. What about
Vince? He's done enough for him, but it is payday. Turtle says he won't be
needing it, but could use $20 for parking. He gives it to him. Turtle won't let
Saigon beat him there. Vince says it's so sad to see the kids leave the nest.
Eric asks if he's coming with him and says they haven't heard form Ari in a
week, it'll make a strong statement if he comes to see him. Vince says it'll be
stronger if he doesn't. He's going to get some books on his own. Eric asks how
without driving? He doesn't drive, but he does read.
In the lobby of the office Turtle is flipping because Saigon isn't there. Drama says maybe he got clipped in a driveby, that would suck. Turtle calls Saigon again, gets his voice mail, leaves a message, he's pissed, tells him to get there. The girl says Mr. Cain is ready for him. He doesn't know what do say. He's sorry to keep him waiting. He says that's OK. Turtle says let's get it rolling, Saigon is running late. It's already late. Cain wants to know where he is, not to sign anything, that's for the artists. Are you f-king me? Where is your client? He doesn't know. Well, he has until 5pm to produce him or the deal is off.
Eric arrives at the massive new office building and Lloyd greets him asks him how he likes it. He tells him Ari is over there. He walks in asks if he remembers him. Ari says he never forgets his first love. He's picking out rugs and wants to put a hot shower in and will let Eric use it if he drops his towel. Eric says two weeks ago, it was all Vince, now it's nothing. Ari sent 20 scripts over and he didn't read them. He read them, he just didn't like them. Are we not working together now? If Vince wants to work, he'll work with him. Eric says he's a front running douchebag. Lloyd says Bob Ryan is outside and will lift himself up by his own petard if he doesn't see him. He doesn't know what that means, but it sounds dangerous. Ari goes to leave and Eric can't believe he's leaving in the middle of the conversation. Ari says conversations usually end when one calls another a douchebag. Lloyd can't believe he said that, Ari hates it. Check out the new Italian marble while he's gone.
Ari asks who gave him the new address. Lloyd didn't. Barb says not to reminisce. He says not to tell him how to do his job. Bob wants him to even it up for him getting Billy Friedkin when he was fresh out of college. Ari says how many gift baskets does he need to give him? He won't leave until he gives him an actor for his new movie. He says how about Vince Chase? He hasn't seen a guy that good looking since he was young. Eric is watching wondering what's up so Ari calls Eric over and introduces him. He says Bob produced many great films like Network and Dog Day Afternoon. Eric says those are great films. How would you like Vince to be in his next one, it's better than those. Eric says sure, he says his limo is waiting, let's have lunch. They leave and Lloyd says that was mean. Ari says to which one?
Vince is at the bookstore and Turtle is calling him to see if Saigon called the house. He hasn't, there's nothing he can do, but let him know if he needs him for anything. Vince picks up a tabloid with a picture of him and Drama "Aquaman in Vegas Melee." A girl says to watch out, she saw paparazzi outside, it won't be good to get caught checking out his own picture. He thanks her for being a good look out.
Eric thought they were going to a restaurant. He says he has a guy that makes the best steak, Brando used to come to the house three times a week to eat it. Does that interest you? Yeah, I love steak. Brando also used to stick it in his ass too, before it got fashionable. Eric wonders where he lives.
Drama is driving to Saigion's house, he isn't happy going there without his nunchucks. Turtle says you are not happy, he's got $40,000 riding on this in four hours. If he doesn't get it he'll kill himself by eating all of Drama's propecia pills.
Turtle knocks on the door and Saigon's mom answers. She doesn't know where Saigon is or anything about the record singing. She says she has a church meeting, she can't keep the lord waiting. Drama says something smells wrong. He goes around the corner of the house and peeks in the window. There's a huge plasma screen TV in the box and she's on the phone. A pitbull jumps up to the window and scares them away. She runs out to see what they are doing. Drama asks to use the phone, local call. She gives it to him and he checks to see who she dialed. He asks if she knows who is at the Standard Hotel. She doesn't know. Just thought he'd ask. Turtle asks what's going on. Drama says the answer is at the Standard.
Vince is having drinks across the street with Nicole from the bookstore. She asks if he always works the bookstores looking for ladies. He says you meet classier girls there than at the track. She bets he has a different woman every day for lunch. He says he usually eats with his knucklehead friends. He should ditch them more often.
Bob has wine and cigars brought offer after they eat. Eric wants to talk business. He says after the food digests. How does he like the house? He loves it. He paid $140,000 in 1962, now it's worth $13 million. Steve McQueen told him not to do it. How would he like a deal like that? Who wouldn't? He calls an older woman over says she still has great legs.
The guys arrive at the Standard, they have no record of Saigon. Drama says he's a black guy, this tall and carrying a glock, do you have a metal detector? No. Drama says he knows he's there, he can feel him. He wanders around and Turtle has a plan.
Vince takes Nicole clothes shopping. She can't believe he doesn't have anything better to do. He says it's the most fulfilling day he's had in weeks, besides he's unemployed. Now are you coming out in the dress? No, she's embarrassed, you come in. He does and she's naked. He says it looked bigger on the hanger and they kiss.
Bob wants to show Eric a room, Sam Peckinpah screened Straw Dogs the first time there. Everyone knew they had a big hit on their hands and was jealous. Everyone thinks Nicholson got the most women, but Hoffman did and most of it was in this room. Eric says how about business. He tells him to sit and asks him if he wants anything. He wants to show him a home movie of Candice Bergin playing tennis in her underwear, great ass. Eric says you don't have a project do you? No, but I thought if we sat and brainstormed we could come up with something. He knows he's young, he was once too and probably has a million things to do, but they can do it. In 1968 he locked Dennis Hopper in a room with mushrooms and he came up with Easy Rider, but he wouldn't leave the room for 2 weeks. Eric wants to go, he's got things to do. Bob says when a man enters the end of his life he thinks about how he wants to be remembered. He did 42 films, 20 classics and won 6 awards. If he died tomorrow, he would only be remembered for Cutthroat Island. Please stay a while. He agrees, but wants to use the bathroom.
Ari is trying to put together something and Barbara walks in and says she did a half million today and in the spirit of competition she hopes he'll catch up. The phone rings, he says it's a million dollar call. It's Eric, he's trapped at Bob's and doesn't know where he is. Ari offers to send him a cab would that help? You knew about this guy and set him up. You called me a douchebag, I'm sensitive. Eric says you are going to pay for this.
Eric walks around and sees a wall of pictures of Bob with tons of celebrities like Paul McCartney and the Ramones. Bob asks him if he's OK. He says he is. He says someone is moody.
Turtle goes from door to door asking if Saigon is there. Drama can't believe him. Turtle says to help or it'll be twice as long. Drama wishes he was with Vince.
Vince is at a hotel chasing the girl around in her underwear and then jumps on her.
Eric comes back and wants to go, Bob is looking for his keys. He has a driver. He gave up looking for him. sees a picture of Bob with Joey Ramone and asks about it. Bob says he's too young to remember them. He says he isn't, they grew up on the same street and they are Vince's favorite band. Too bad you don't have a project about them. What if he told him there was a script around here about them? Eric says yes, he would be interested and he'll read it on the way home. Bob says don't be a wiseass.
Turtle is still knocking. Nobody home, Drama says he's done. Turtle says no he isn't, he's working for him today. He says it's not official. Turtle says it's the worst day of his life, stick with him. Drama agrees. The elevator door opens and it's full of young black girls. They ask where they are going, Drama says wherever they are. Looks like they are going to the same party. They walk up to Saigon's room, the girls get in, the bouncer stops them. Turtle says he has more class then to come up unannounced. He lets him in. Saigon is on the bed playing video games. He asks what he's doing there. Turtle says he missed the signing. Saigon says he should've called. Drama agrees and Saigon tells him to shut up. He says they have to talk on the balcony away from nosy people.
Vince and Nicole are in bed. She says she never did anything like thing before. Is she a virgin? No, she means she never went with a stranger in the middle of the day somewhere. He says they should do it again. She can't believe him. Does he really like her? Yeah, he had a good time. She thinks he must have a million women. He's not going to lie, he has options, but she was a lot of fun. She can't meet tomorrow, she's engaged. He says it's a joke. No. Oh, Jesus. She says it's OK, she was on her celebrity list. They each have a list of celebrities they are allowed to sleep with. As long as he doesn't run into Cameron Diaz it'll be OK.
Saigon tells him he's got a manager from 10 years ago. Turtle says they had a deal. He says there is no way he can get out of it. He's got no papers with him, but he's strong arming him and he just showed up. He's thankful for what he did, even though it's the whitest rap label in town. Drama wants to talk to him. He's right there. Drama says they have a contract with a law firm and a bunch of Jewish lawyers. They have papers, so there's nothing they can do to stop him. The manager has his boys grab Drama and hold him over the balcony to see how he likes the view. Drama doesn't want to get hurt before his pilot. Turtle can't believe he would drop him with 50 witnesses by the pool. He says he's got 10 who will say he jumped. Saigon says to stop it, they were supposed to take care of Turtle. He says that was before the guy from Viking Quest got in his face. Drama says wait, you watched that? He asks Turtle what he was supposed to get on the deal. He says 60 grand. He says you've got it, but if he finds out it was a penny less, he's coming for him. Turtle says it might've been 40, that's what he thought. He says to give him 35. Saigon says to give him the 40 and they give it to him in cash and pull Drama up. Drama says he should've held out, he could've made the pool.
Eric is reading the script in the car with Bob. He finishes it, says it's great, he loves the angle. Bob says they started punk. Eric asks why didn't they make it?. They are gone, Jim Morrison is gone, Oliver Stone was going to direct. Now with Vince they could make the movie. They pass Vince walking on the street and tell him to get in. Vince says his day was uneventful. He introduces Vince to Bob and Vince says Butch Cassidy Bob Ryan? He's glad he has a sense of history. He hands Vince the script, he's interested.
They all walk into Ari's officer together as The Ramones Blitzkrieg Bop plays. Vince says he's got his next script and producer and you should read it. He hands it to him, it's titled "I Wanna be Sedated" by Brian Cripe. 26 mins
33. What About Bob? The Ramones Rockaway Beach plays as Vince studies
a concert of them in the kitchen. Drama enters with his new jacket and asks how
he is, Turtle says a lot for shooting a pilot. Eric says it's a big day for all
of them. Vince is strumming a guitar and Eric asks what he's doing. Can't you
tell, he's channeling Joey Ramone. He didn't play guitar. Drama says Johnny did,
who he's be perfect for, a brother brother picture. Eric says they weren't
really related. Turtle says like anyone believes they are. Drama gets pissed,
he's really nervous about the part. Turtle says he was only joking. Drama
doesn't want to hear it, he's got a big monologue, he hasn't worked in a while.
Turtle says don't have a panic attack. He gets even madder, he hasn't had one
since 1995, don't mention it to him. They can't believe how wound up he is and
tell him not to worry, he'll nail it. Eric says to take a Xanax to calm down,
Vince says no way you can't act on them. Turtle says what he always does to calm
down is whack off, trust him. Drama says like he's going to do that. A good
laugh helps though and that's what he is, he hugs him and leaves. Eric has a big
meeting with Ari and Bob. He asks Vince if he's sure he doesn't want to go. No,
Ari said it would be more mysterious if he didn't. Besides he promised to take
Turtle shopping. He's going to get some limited edition shoes, the Saigon money
is burning a hole in his pocket, he might buy them all. Eric mocks him that's
the way to invest your money.
Eric pulls up and Ari is there, calls him the boy wonder, can you smell it, napalm, the smell of victory. Did you call Bob? No, you promised, he didn't that's why he called him. Ari can't believe he called him, Eric says it's Bob's project. Ari says Bob's already protected by the studio, if he warms up to Vince too much the studio will balk and they'll have nothing. Can't get their dick in and won't even get their balls tickled. Eric has no idea what he's talking about, but he's getting disturbed. Then Bob pulls up. Ari says did he rob Liberace on the way over. Eric says to be nice. Bob thinks Ari tried to screw him out of the deal. Ari says it was a misunderstanding. He's the one that has the script. Ari made the meeting happen or they wouldn't have found it until an estate stale. He looks forward to it, he wonders if Dawny will be there, but they don't know what he means. Dawn Steele, the head of the studio, Ari says she died 9 years ago. He says oh, yeah he went to the funeral.
Turtle pulls up to the store and there is a huge line of people camped out down the street. Vince can't believe it. Turtle says some camped out overnight. Vince says it's crazy. He says it's Fukijama, a famous graffiti artist. They make 200 pairs of shoes then break the mold and that's it. Are they holding for you? No, against the rules, but bring a movie star is an unwritten rule that they can cut the line. Vince won't do it, they'll get killed. He refuses and the guy up front says way to be a man of the people Aquaman. He tells him back of the line, you are lucky I am waiting with you. Turtle is dejected.
Drama walks on set, asks where to check in. Then Ed comes over and slaps him on the back, he's scared. Ed can't believe how nervous he is, but says he looks good. Drama says he's not nervous. Ed tells him he beefed up his monologue. Drama is terrified. He says yeah, it's three minutes of him in the lens, every actors dream. Drama says great.
Bob says he's a little nervous. Eric says it's all good. It's been a long time since he had so much on the line. What about his strategy? Ari says he'll talk, they listen. Bob says no, he wants to talk, he even brought a deck of cards. Ari says great. He can do a trick and doesn't like not talking. Ari says to play solitaire then. Eric glares at him. Bob says he doesn't like his attitude, then they are called in. Brad shakes their hand. Bob says he's the producer in case you couldn't tell. You want anything to drink. He wants a Sanka. He says to get it. Ari sits, says to get his checkbook out because he'll want to buy it right here. Bob wants to sit closer and asks how will he get through. Ari says to sit on the right, but he wants to sit over left. Ari curls up on the couch so he can get by. Ari tries to talk and Bob interrupts and says how would you like to buy the film for nothing, gross 100 million and win an Oscar, would that be something you are interested in? Yes.
Vince is shaking hands and taking pictures with people on line. Then they tell him enough. Turtle is flipping and says they won't get any. Vince has a good feeling about it. One guy comes over and mocks Turtle, last set of 9s. Turtle says to screw him, he's a 10. Turtle keeps bitching, Vince says he'll get them. Why didn't you get up early if you really wanted them? Because you were my ace in the hole, roll out late, bring a star, still get them. No more negativity, he'll get them. Then the call comes they ran out. Vince will call Tracy at Nike for them. Turtle says they are limited edition, Nike has nothing to do with it. They says Santa Monica has a few pairs left. Vince says to move, then Turtle says they can't beat the crowd. Vince says they have to try. Turtle says forget it. Vince says to quit then. No way Turtle wants them.
Drama is meditating on the floor of his trailer saying "you are not a pussy". The knock comes on the door, they're ready for him. Drama says he's ready then starts screaming. The grip is worried. He jumps out and is pumped. Ed comes over, says he blocked it, he wants to do the monologue on the move. Drama is terrified. He says they'll do it walking, like they are now, the studio says they don't think they can do it, but he told them they have the man - Johnny Chase. Drama runs away. Where are you going? He left his iron on in the trailer. He says to himself don't be a pussy.
Bob says it went very well. Ari says they lost the deal at Sanka. Eric says they didn't want a biopic. Ari says he never been turned down in the room before. Bob says he didn't have a plan. Ari says his plan was for Bob to keep his f-king mouth closed. Bob is mad at him for not being respectful. Ari says it's nothing without him. It's just trees and paper without Vince until he gets his magic working. Vince is his client, let him sell it. Bob says he worked for year on that script, how dare he. Eric says he's with him, but Ari doesn't this every day, so let's let him do the talking next time. Bob agrees because he's a nice boy with kind eyes. Ari says pulling a quarter out of his ear won't sell it. He says he's been in the business for 50 years, they used to clear the room for him when he walked in. Ari says movies used to have no sound either, so what? Bob doesn't like Ari. He wants color commentary. Ari says no deal. Eric says to wait and see how Ari does, then only jump in if needed. He says OK. What next? Disney, remember them Bob, big pointy ears? Would that be something you are interested in? Are you mocking me? He says he screen tested Cybil Shepherd there, great ass, couldn't act. Eric asks if they want to ride with Ari. He says he won't get in that Nazi sled and waves goodbye.
Vince makes a call to the next shoe store, it's ringing. Turtle says it won't matter, they don't hold them. He calls says it's Vince Chase. The guy says it's really you, Aquaman? Yeah, he wants the Fujiyamas. Turtle corrects the name. Vince says he knows what he means. He wants a size 10. All he's got is an 11. He asks Turtle if he wants him. Turtle keeps asking if they'll hold. Vince says do you want them. Yeah, he'll wear 3 pairs of socks. They sales guy says he can't hold them. Vince offers him $1500 cash. He says he can't take his money, but if it's really him and he goes to his sisters birthday party and takes pictures with her annoying friends he'll hold them. He'd be like family and he can't say no to family. Vince asks Turtle how cool are these shoes? He says the best, so Vince agrees. He says to hurry, because he'll get killed if anyone finds him holding them. Vince makes Turtle say he's got the juice. He admits it and Vince says to hurry. He says he's doing 75 down Olympic as it is.
Ari pulls up to the studio. Eric asks what he's doing, this is not Disney. He says Universal so he lied to Bob. Eric asks if he's 8 years old. He laughs and goes in. Eric calls Bob. Bob pulls up to Disney studios and says to the guard he's got a meeting with the president. Security doesn't know who he is. He gets out to walk in and asks who the president is again. The phone rings, but he left it in the car. Eric says he's not answering. Ari says he can't hear, he'll have to dial direct into his hearing aide.
In the waiting room Eric says he's not going in without Bob. Ari says to be reasonable. He says to blow me. Ari says that's not nice. The secretary says she is ready. Eric says they are waiting for a third person, can they push it back? She says probably not, Jackie's leaving for New York in 25 minutes. Eric is forced to go on then his phone rings, Ari goofs on him that if this is your first meeting put the phone on vibrate and press 1. Jacqueline laughs and knows Ari, they kiss. Eric answers.
Ed is knocking for Drama, but he's not answering. Drama's saying "you are not a pussy" as he's blowing into a bag. Ed yells what is up? Drama admits he is a pussy. Ed says he's murdering his day. Drama is panicking. He grabs a Maxim magazine. He runs into the bathroom, grabs some lotion, says two minutes and he'll be all good. Ed asks if anyone knows what he's doing in there. The mic man does, Drama left his mic on. Ed listens to the headphones and says he's rubbing one out. He laughs and invites everyone to listen. They hear him moaning and talking dirty to the magazine.
Turtle pulls up and is pissed because DJ AM's car is there. He says AM's a sneaker head, size 11. Inside Turtle asks AM you aren't moving up a size. He says no dice. He got the last 11's, but he has to spin the sales guy's sister's birthday party and hold it at LAX. Turtle can't believe the guy didn't keep his word. He wasn't sure it was really Vince, besides the guy will pay for whole party. Vince is sorry and asks if he's mad. Turtle says he lost his rapper and his sneakers, he's just really sad.
Ari is celebrating on the way out, he told Eric. He's like Caesar, he came he saw, he conquered. Eric admits he was good. Eric says to call Bob, Ari says you call him. He will. Ari's calling Paramount to start a bidding war. But they turned it down. That was before Universal wanted it. You can't f-k the prom queen until she knows her best friend jerked you off under the bleachers. Bob looks at the ringing phone and turns it off. Eric says he must be miserable. Ari says the more miserable he is, the happier he'll get with the good news.
Drama is doing his monologue, he's in a freezing warehouse talking to a guy moving food cases with a handtruck. Ed says he's good. Drama smokes as he finishes. Ed says great, keep rolling, he wants reaction shots. Drama says OK. How about angry? Drama takes a swinging punch. How about sad? He pouts. Ed says embarrassed. Why would he be embarrassed? Ed says you poured your heart out and you don't know if they were listening. Drama says he's not feeling it. Ed comes over says before you came on all the guys heard over the mic you were whacking off. Now drama looks embarrassed and looks all around sheepishly. Ed says that's the shot and the crew all laughs.
At home Drama says Ed's a genius. He'll do whatever he's gotta do to get it right, Turtle was right your method works. When his ugly panic head roars up he's going to beat it down. Turtle's glad he had a good day. He shoots pool as Eric walks in. He says to Vince to fill out your W2, you are working again. Universal wants in and Ari's going to get Paramount to match it or do better. Vince is psyched to be Joey Ramone. Everyone is happy, but Turtle and Eric asks why. He's mad about his shoes. Vince just scored him the best weed in LA on the phone. Turtle doesn't want weed, it'll make him cry. He says come on, let's go. Vince asks if Bob is excited. Eric says that's a whole other story.
They pull down some seedy alley. Vince says that's not cool what Ari did to Bob. Eric says he won't call him back. Drama says that's nice and all, but he's got a job now and doesn't like the area they are in and doesn't want to get caught there. Turtle is worried about getting out. Vince says to trust him, would he ever lead him into arm? He says no. It's a silver trailer with all these tough Asian gang bangers around. Vince hands him a packet, it's the emergency fund, ask for Jimmy. He walks over and is scared and asks for Jimmy. They guy says he'll walk him in. The trailer is all dark inside and like a garage, inside is a young Asian man spray painting, there is graffiti art all around. He asks Turtle if he likes his sneakers. Turtle can't believe he's Fukijama, he thought he lived in Japan. He says Glendale born and raised. He hands him the packet. He says he's sorry he missed out on the limited edition, but he has one more limited. 1 of 1. He pulls out a wooden box that has Turtle emblazened on it in gold. Turtle opens it can't believe the gold sparkly shoes.
Outside Drama is guessing the price. He says $5000, Vince says a little more. Eric can't believe it, for sneakers? Vince says it's wearable art. Drama says $5250, $5500, Vince says more and besides it's worth it for how happy Turtle is right now. Eric's phone rings, it's Lloyd, he has Ari and Bob on too. Ari tells him he's all taken care of. Bob says no one f-ks Bob, but Bob. Eric says he got everything he wanted and tells Ari to apologize. He's very sorry. Bob says when he left him hanging he went over to Alan at Warner Brothers who hates you both. Ari says don't tell me you did something stupid. He sold Alan the film, would that be something you are interested in? and hangs up. They can't talk to him. Ari says to get Bob back on the phone. Turtle comes out with the sneakers and says how sweet is that and opens the box. No one is impressed. Drama says they are OK. He asks what's wrong. Vince says he just spent $20,000 on sneakers and he has no job. 25 mins
34. Sorry, Ari. Eric is asleep and Vince comes in
stands over him. Eric asks what is he doing. He can't sleep. Why not? We should
fire Ari. Then Ari wakes up suddenly, he had a nightmare. His wife asks if he
was with another man? No, Vince with another man. He's being fired today.
Downstairs Eric says Ari screwed up bad. Turtle says to get rid of him, he lost you a movie you loved. Everyone agrees, except Drama who is quiet. Vince asks what he thinks. He is cooking and says to eat first. He says appreciate your girl when she gives you a disease. No one knows what he's talking about. Don't dump your girl, until you have some others lined up. Flirt, talk to other agents. Eric says it's a good plan. Vince says he wants to fire him first. Turtle says icy, he likes it. He tells Eric to call him. Eric says real icy. Vince says he'll call him then. Vince calls and gets Lloyd who is shocked. Is Ari in? He'll check. Ari says to tell Eric he call him back. It's not Eric, it's Vince. He's worried, this is bad. The first rule of being an agent is when your client is angry to present them with good news, put a smile on their face. Tell him I'm not here, call Alan, get him his movie back. He already called. Call him again and make an excuse to Vince. Lloyd tells him he isn't here. Tell him he wants to do lunch. He tells Ari. Tell him no. He says his schedule is full, no room and ginormously important lunch, he can't fit him in. Ari says not to tell him he has something more important, what are you doing? That won't put a smile on his face. What should I have said? Tell him I'm having an enormous wart removed from my cock. Lloyd gets a call from Alan Gray's assistant, he'll meet with him at 10:30. It's 10:10 now, how will he get to the Valley in time? He says to run fast.
Vince relays the message and asks is ginormously a word? They are playing a golf simulator where they hit the ball into a screen that projects the course. Eric says it's crap, Ari's done with him. Ever since he moved up, he doesn't care about us anymore. Turtle says he forgot about the little guy. Vince says he's little guy? A figure of speech. Vince says Ari is a jerk. Drama shows up with a fishbowl of all the agents' cards he's been given over the years. They ask him why. He says it's normal to keep them. Everyone pick one. Vince says let's flirt. He picks one that closed down in the 90s. Drama says that was during his Midnight Crossing stint. What about Terrance? Not good to work for Eric's girlfriend's dad. What if she dumps him? Good point. Eric isn't happy with them. Then he picks another one, says she's a bitch. Eric says he'll handle the call.
Ari speeds into the Warner's lot. He runs out like a madman, hits the alarm and into the office. 23 minutes to the valley, he's like Chuck Yaeger. The secretary says he's waiting, do you need a drink? Nope. Alan says you've got 2 minutes, make the best of it. He knows how you feel, your client is causing you discomfort by losing the Ramones project. He says hemorrhoids are discomforting, this is like open heart surgery. He says Ari made his name in TV packaging, maybe he's not cut out for this work. Why are you mad at me? I did everything you want, Vine is a kid, he screwed up. He wanted A2, you know he would kill as Joey Ramone. Maybe, maybe not, but Jake Gyllenhaal will. He saw his screen test for A2, it was amazing, his only regret is not casting him for A1, the series would've been even bigger. Dana his assistant says it's not fair, Vince was great. He says to her you are here to take notes, not advice and since there are no notes, you can leave. In fact, I can leave too. Two minutes are up. Ari is stunned, he says no wonder you've been divorced three times. Dana smiles. Alan glares at her.
The guys are walking down the street. Vince never had another agent, he doesn't know what to look for. Drama does since he's been with many over the years. Turtle says he should, he's been dropped many times. . He says he's technically never been dropped. One agent moved without telling him. Eric asks what's his system. It's four parts - décor, service, amenities & ambiance. 10 points for each category, agency with the highest overall score wins. He devised it for his hot tub business, but it will apply here. Eric says his anti-aging regime and Vince's career don't mix.
Inside, Drama says he'll give them a 6 for décor because of fake plants. They saw a girl watering them, is the water fake too? A girl comes over and greets them. Turtle likes this scenery. He introduces himself and down the line, everyone except Drama who says he's not for sale. He gives the service a 0 since they didn't ask for water. Turtle says he gives them a 10 and would service that ass. Inside Vince and Eric sit at the end of a massive table. There are dozens of agents. Like Mercedes and Coca Cola they want to make Vince into a brand name. He has a video presentation and Vince looks over and says nothing.
Lloyd says to Ari Vince called three times today, three times more that he called all last year. Ari is on the run, he knows, he called him three times. He even emailed him, he didn't know he knew how to do that. Lloyd says it's worse there's other news about Vince. Tell him or he'll intern him like it's 1942. Lloyd yells he's not Japanese! Vince's taking meetings with other agencies. How does he know? The gay mafia has been replaced by the gay assistant core, they know all, tell all. He's got a 1:40 meeting with Andy Left, it's all sinister. He can't believe Vince is screwing him in public like this. Call over there, tell them it's Eric. Dana comes running out to Ari. He says it's Hitler's evil assistant and the only time he likes to hear her is when he mouth is closed. She asks if that is nice. Lloyd has Andy. He pretends to be Eric and tells him he can't make the meeting. Lamar, the gay assistant says that's too bad, let me check. He says never mind, just tell him he's a major fag. Dana says that's nice. What's up? She'll tell him something, but he has to promise not to tell anyone. He swears. Alan bought the film just to screw Vince. He's never going to make it, he's just throwing it in the drawer. Ari says he is sick, but why tell me this? Because I hate working for him and it would be a great project for Vince. I want the producer role on the film. You got it, but how, Alan owns it? Not yet, just stop Bob from signing the paperwork. He smiles, kisses her on the head, says he never cheated on his wife, at least since she's been his wife, but he'll let her use her hand on him in the car right now if she wants. She'll take a raincheck.
Vince says it was a little corporate. Like Trump's boardroom. Drama says he gives them a 22.5. Turtle says if the girl calls him back go with them.. Hasn't Vince gotten you laid enough? Depends what enough is. They walk to an outdoor café for lunch. The girl says Andy Left cancelled an hour ago. Drama says major point loss, not even calling to cancel. Eric calls Lamar to get to the bottom of it. He didn't call, didn't cancel. He says yeah right and you didn't call him a major fag either. He would've shed blood, sweat and tears for Vince. He hangs up. Eric tells them. They all say Ari. He's cockblocking him. He's a dirty scumbag, but he's good. Drama says it's a good move, like when he dumped Rona Davis, she moved to Australia before he could tell her and had to wait two years. Eric calls Ari again, says to call back now. He's definitely avoiding them. Let's see how he likes us seeing Josh Weinstein.
Lloyd tells Ari about Josh and he flips out. He screams and loses it. Josh?! He's rather Vince slept with his wife than go to Josh. Lloyd tell him no, Ari. He hangs up and pounds on Bob's door. He yells to open it. Bob says to go away or he's calling his security company, they are ex-navy seals. He says to stop, he has gifts. He's not interested. What gifts? He's going to give him his car. Mercedes, low miles, Ipod, wooden dash. Is it paid for? No, leased, but he will keep paying it until he or the car expires. You are desperate aren't you? He will breakdance naked to get the movie back. We've known each other for 20 years, let's talk. He says all he wants to do is make the movie. That's the thing, Alan's never going to make it. He doesn't believe him. He's talked to people, he knows, trust me. Trust you? Why would I ever do that? He can't reveal his sources. He says to come back with proof. He closes the door and Ari says Dana Gordon, VP of production, he used to sleep with her back in the day, she owes him. He opens the door and groans.
The guys come into Josh's agency. They like the fish, the art, the women. That's worth 40 points. Drama says hold on, that's fast. Josh comes out, he's the super salesman. He knew their paths would cross one day. He's willing to make it happen. If Drama needs representation he's got it, heard about the Ed Burns pilot, great script. It's all Vince today, but tomorrow it's you. If any of your needs aren't being met call us. He says to Turtle all his assistants love to f-k, he asks them in the interview, true story. Turtle loves it here. Drama says underbelly.
Vince asks are you feeling it? Eric agrees. Then Josh plays a DVD, it's the same thing. Apple, Canon, Vincent Chase - the brand name. They look at each other and Vince's face drops.
Ari walks in the office dancing and swaying. Lloyd asks if he's mad or happy. He says pure heterosexual happiness and kisses him on the head. Lloyd likes it when he's happy. He got the script back from Bob and it's where it belongs, with Vince. He saw Vince in a commercial and picked him out when he was nothing, he's more than a client, he's like his baby. Lloyd gets a call and runs out. It's Dana. Ari loves her too. She got fired. He swore he would keep his mouth shut. He was desperate. She knows he's a jerk, but she trusted him. He has one day to get her a new job or the next time she sees him she'll put his dick in a clawcracker. Then the guards come in to remove her, five minutes are up. She says touch me and I'll scream rape.
The guys leave. Drama says not to judge a book by his cover. He says it was all surface. Turtle says it wasn't true about the girls, he couldn't get a number. Vince says screw it, maybe I don't need an agent. Turtle says like Drama did for the last 10 years, look where it got him. He tells him to screw off.
Ari gets the call from Bob. Bob was upset about getting Dana fired, but he had to see Alan. Ari wants to know if he signed the papers. He tells him he's done it for 50 years, but things have changed. He doesn't want to do business in this town any more, he's done with it. He singed the papers for better or worse, he's sorry. Ari is too, he's dejected.
Ari tells Lloyd he doesn't have any good news to tell Vince. Call him up, he'll take what's coming to him. What is like to get screwed in the ass Lloyd? He doesn't know he's a top. Really, oh make the call. He says no, he will not call. He says it's not going to be another queer as folk pep talk. Yes it is, it's going to be a good one. He told him his first rule is to have good news, but you don't. You screwed up, you were evil and conniving, but underneath it all you care about him. Even though you make the meanest most homophobic slurs about me I know you care, tell Vince that. You are right. 75,000 square feet of this place has been built on me giving a crap. Call all the agents in, let's prepare for battle. He calls Vince. Eric says finally. He says hey? Ari says hey, we should talk. OK, you are a tough man to get on the phone. Let's talk in person. OK, when? When can you get here? 20 minutes. Sounds good. Ari is nervous. Lloyd says it's so cute. He tells him to get out of his office.
Vince says it's going to be hard to look him in the eye. He doesn't know if he can. Drama says then don't, the phone break up is better. A girl dumped him in the first grade by phone and he's still wondering. Just never go back, never tell him. It's going to be the last trip to Ari's, it's going to be weird. Drama says you saw the cookie cutter agencies today, they are all the same. All cocksuckers, Ari's just the top one. Eric doesn't know, he hasn't been with anyone else. Drama's been with 15 agents, all the same, only so few because he's such a loyal guy. Turtle says he doesn't want to get dropped again when Vince moves on. He says if his pilot gets picked up he can go anywhere. Eric wants to know what Vince is thinking. Drama is right, they know Ari, he's been there from the beginning. He's a friend, they know where they stand. But he did screw us over on this and he has to say he's sorry. Eric says maybe he will.
They all walk into Ari's office. They go to Lloyd who calls him Mr. Chase. What? Ari told him to do that today. Where's Ari? They are waiting for them in the conference room? They? Drama says he's even warming to Lloyd and Turtle says he wants him.
Vince says what happened to one on one as they are led into a huge conference room. Ari says this is the new face of the company and says he's not going to talk about the past, their work together and how he found Vince from a commercial. Vince says good thing he didn't mention it. Ari introduces Barb. She says every client is calling wondering where their agents are. Why aren't they answering? They are all here. She says they have everything - movies, music, TV, reality shows. It's all covered and they want to take them there. If Drama's pilot doesn't get picked up god forbid, one call, boom he's on the Real World. She says look at this and puts on a display - Microsoft, McDonald's - Vince. It's the same brand name spiel. They can't believe it. Vince walks out, he has to think. Eric says that was pathetic. Ari runs out and asks what he's doing. Vince says he didn't need the dog and pony show, he thought he was different from everyone else. He is. You do things your own way and you don't give a crap what we think. He does care, you should've seen him today begging and pleading with everyone around town to get him that movie back, but it's gone, let's look to the future. Vince says you are unreal, even after you screw up like that you can't look me in the face as my friend and say you are sorry. That's all you wanted? That's all. Then I'm sorry Vin. It's too late, let's roll. Eric tells him he's fired. They leave, Ari turns and walks back.
In loving memory of Bruno Kirby 1949-2006
© 2005-08 Alex D. Thrawn for www.MalcolmMcDowell.net